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OP, I really think you've answered your own question here. You can't force someone to be attracted to a certain type. I've read so many people say it's hypocritical but that is not always the case. You can't force preference. I think it can evolve over time as people reevaluate their priorities or just open themselves up to new experiences (that is certainly what happened to me) but you have to let people do that on their own. But by the time he opens up, you'll probably have found someone better anyway.
I get that, and I appreciate what you're saying. But if my "preference" is a 5'8" lean, red headed Scots/Irish man with a propensity for wearing kilts, I'm either going to have to learn to appreciate other people or be alone for a long time. Or move to Scotland.
People can have whatever preferences they want, but it seem pretty hypocritical for an overweight person to judge and reject someone else because they're also overweight. How can you hold your potential love interest to standards you don't even hold for yourself?
It's called a double standard and they are harder to uphold than you might think. Some girls/boys think just because they let themselves go they don't have to correct it.
Washed up fat chicks need to get off of city data, put down the donut and work on getting that "gap." No one gives a crap if you both enjoy radiohead, rom coms and dark roast coffee. Slim and sexy is still the cover letter that lands the job.
I get that, and I appreciate what you're saying. But if my "preference" is a 5'8" lean, red headed Scots/Irish man with a propensity for wearing kilts, I'm either going to have to learn to appreciate other people or be alone for a long time. Or move to Scotland.
I have no illusions about how I look. I also know what I am doing to make changes, but changes are not immediate. I just had surgery Monday, so give me a minute to get back on the treadmill.
I would just like to think that two educated, intelligent people with an abundance of shared interests should be willing to take a chance and get to know each other like real human beings, not pre-judge. Foolish me.
People are interested in what they are interested in. That's the micro story.
On a more macro level, among the younger generation (I don't know your age, so if you're older this may not apply to you) substantially more women are graduating from college at the moment than men, and women generally prefer not to date "down" educationally, while men are more willing to. Further, a higher proportion of educated men are overweight than educated women, so if you're specifically interested in college graduates, you'll run into overweight guys that are only interested in dating thin women and successfully pull it off. Supply/demand.
This is nothing new and I have observed and experience this myself. People like what they are attracted to and that can not change unless one is willing to settle down. From my observation I rarely see fat people dating fat people, same for unattractive people dating other unattractive people. I'm a big guy, Tall and I look like an NFL player and I have been with both overweight women and slim women, but I have yet to be with a nice curvy woman with boobs and butt that grab and hold. I like boobs and booty and that's what attractsme. I have been with fat and slim women that had flat backsides and chest. I don't discriminate on women for being to fat or to skinny. Also lately its also good to learn to compensate, try to find a woman with a good attitude very caring. I have a woman who likes me she is on the big side, its not that the fact that she is big but she has a flat butt and no boobs, however we have things in common which is worth considering.
If I remember correctly there was a thread on here with that was created by a 47 year old divorced woman who was looking to get back out and date, she was a bbw and in the looks department she might be about a 3 out of 10 however she desired a man that was fit, attractive and energetic. She would not date a guy that she did not find attractive even though she is unattractive herself. Also a few months back I went out with a woman who was from LA and had moved to NYC. She told me she had more dates in NYC than she had in LA. In LA she struggled because men are not attracted to her bbw size and will let her know about, but when she moved to NYC she had more dates than her fingers can count. But after living in NYC for a year and seeing how local women operated she desired good looking men and no longer found unattractive and overweight men exciting. I went out with her and she was not drawn to me because of my physique. However she still gets dates and she weights more than me. From my observation if a guy living in northern states and is over weight, your best bet is to move to the laidback south. If your a woman and living in laidback areas and your overweight, you best bet is to move to NYC, Boston, Philly, DC or any area of the Northeast. I see fat and unattractive women here in mediocre areas of NYC with good looking men all the time. Even though I work out 3x a week and eat right sometimes, have hobbies similar to fit people like hiking, jogging and travel, I try my best to look physically and socially presentable to the opposite sex. If a fat woman does not find me attractive its her loss. Most fat women I see have kids with no man pushing her stroller.
I was with you til the very end. Why the need for this last mean comment?
so I'm not saying that everyone will be a size two. For her it was easy to maintain that size because of her lifestyle. For me i can not get under a size 4... its not important if you arent a size 2, as long as you are within or close to your ideal weight, or a healthy size for your frame and body type then isn't that all that matters
This is like being fit and being rejected by another fit person. I've had men ditch me and go for a girl who was chubbier. I've had men ditch me and date blondes. My current boyfriend is considerably less jacked than my ex. I reject/accept men for ALL sorts of reasons. I'm not really sure why it's so bad that a man who is heavier rejected you. Did he tell you because you're too fat or something? If so, that's kind of a jerk move. I never reject someone because they are "too" anything. If the spark doesn't fly, it doesn't fly.
That being said, I'm a recovering bulimic and I could not date a man who was unhealthy or lived an unhealthy lifestyle with me. If he was going to be my life partner, he can't be a trigger for me to eat unhealthy again if we are going to be sharing lives.
People choose/don't choose for all sorts of reasons. You seem to be over thinking this. If you are getting yourself in shape/healthy, why are you letting this bring you down? People will reject you a few more times before you find the one. This happens to thin people too. Some men think I'm gorgeous and I'm sure others thought I was plain looking.
Stop thinking about this so much. There are plenty of men who would date you, I'm sure.
I was with you til the very end. Why the need for this last mean comment?
I ment that bbw women feel secure that they have some one that they find attractive and that the person they find attractive hot and sexy is not going to leave them no matter what happens. Again I could be wrong but this is what I have observed. I find big women the most insecure about themselves and the way they look and being with an oppsite big person sexually does not help. For most guys who are physically attractive and in shape, being with a woman that is fat or unattractive is easy sex. Those relationships based off of lust never last and I feel sorry for kids being born into that! Sadly I have witnessed and observed this type of stuff.
OP, how overweight are you, and the man that rejected you?
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