So why do so many men make a issue about dating single moms online? (experiences, neighbor)

[Metaphysique]

Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou

I know the difference but many childless people avoid parents too because this issue has little to do with kids. I'm in between childfree and childless but there is no benefit to dating parents if one has no kids. Btw there are childfree who are open to dating parents so no in this case there is no difference. I know plenty of childless people who want kids and they avoid parents too because often the parents aren't open to more kids.

You have a habit of speaking for others, don't you? Generalizations are erroneous, so it's best to either qualify one's statements or simply speak for yourself.

Originally Posted by timberline742

There is one.

The person with the child/children may be super awesome and someone you're incredibly attracted to (and vice versa).

Utter heresy!

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou

Maybe but likely you can find that with people without kids too. While I know there are exceptions (spouse was abusive, cheated or gay)many single parents are that way for a reason.

I guess, finding people I think are awesome and attractive (and find me the same) isn't that easy. It happens not so often. Yeah, there are loads of cute, educated, funny people around that are pleasant enough to date... but to have that undefinable chemistry with them? That magic? Not found so often.

I'm glad I don't think of dating in categories. Like category X is off, category Y is undesirable, and focus on individuals and I try to evaluate them as individuals, and not members of a demographic. That works best for me.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Metaphysique

Utter heresy!

I'm a sinner, and proud of it.

[Metaphysique]

Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou

Maybe but likely you can find that with people without kids too. While I know there are exceptions (spouse was abusive, cheated or gay)many single parents are that way for a reason.

And yet, there are many childless individuals who decided to date and/or marry someone with child(ren), which goes to show that there is a benefit to dating or marrying that particular individual.

According to you, what are the reasons for why an individual is a single parent? I find generalizations and assumptions highly amusing in the sort of "that person unnecessarily relies on cognitive biases and fallacies, and it's rather unfortunate" sort of way.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Metaphysique

And yet, there are many childless individuals who decided to date and/or marry someone with child(ren), which goes to show that there is a benefit to marry that particular individual.

According to you, what are the reasons for why an individual is a single parent? I find generalizations and assumptions highly amusing.

I mean, I understand there may be societal tendencies. We can look at sociological data of anything. The average single mother is _________. But we don't date medians, we date individuals. I just don't understand ruling out a specific individual because some of the statistics on a few of their demographic groups don't appeal to me. Would I rule out someone of a certain race because the economic or social date for people in that race isn't what I'm looking for in a mate? Of course not, I'd deal with the individual in front of me.

[Idon'tdateyou]

Originally Posted by Metaphysique

You have a habit of speaking for others, don't you? Generalizations are erroneous, so it's best to either qualify one's statements or simply speak for yourself.



Utter heresy!

I'm speaking for myself but the reality is divorce between parents and non parents is high. People without kids are taking a huge gamble between the high divorce rate to the chance they may end up supporting a single parent, their kids and the ex.

[Metaphysique]

Originally Posted by timberline742

I guess, finding people I think are awesome and attractive (and find me the same) isn't that easy. It happens not so often. Yeah, there are loads of cute, educated, funny people around that are pleasant enough to date... but to have that undefinable chemistry with them? That magic? Not found so often.

I'm glad I don't think of dating in categories. Like category X is off, category Y is undesirable, and focus on individuals and I try to evaluate them as individuals, and not members of a demographic. That works best for me.

I agree. It's rarely as simple as finding someone cute, fun and interesting. There are a lot of cute, fun and interesting people out there. I went out with a lot of men who exhibited these traits, but in the end, there were some or many things missing, whether it was compatibility in other key areas, chemistry, or both.

The vast majority of my relatives have dated or married individuals with children, and I have a handful of friends who married childless men.

[Idon'tdateyou]

Originally Posted by timberline742

I guess, finding people I think are awesome and attractive (and find me the same) isn't that easy. It happens not so often. Yeah, there are loads of cute, educated, funny people around that are pleasant enough to date... but to have that undefinable chemistry with them? That magic? Not found so often.

I'm glad I don't think of dating in categories. Like category X is off, category Y is undesirable, and focus on individuals and I try to evaluate them as individuals, and not members of a demographic. That works best for me.

Those same people are everywhere. The most undesirable men I have ever met were all single dads.

Originally Posted by Metaphysique

And yet, there are many childless individuals who decided to date and/or marry someone with child(ren), which goes to show that there is a benefit to dating or marrying that particular individual.

According to you, what are the reasons for why an individual is a single parent? I find generalizations and assumptions highly amusing in the sort of "that person unnecessarily relies on cognitive biases and fallacies, and it's rather unfortunate" sort of way.

Some parents are single because they got "bored" of the relationship, they divorced because the spouse got fat (one charmer told me this), some parents are divorced because they were the cheater or the abuser. That's not discussing the baby daddies who dumped the women when they got pregnant or those who didn't love the woman enough to marry her.

The reason many people without children marry parents is because they were desperate to marry anyone. I guarantee many of them would have preferred to have married childless/childfree but figured the parent was all they could find. I know this because many have told me this. Several are divorced or unhappy.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou

Those same people are everywhere. The most undesirable men I have ever met were all single dads.

Who are everywhere? People you have amazing chemistry with and incredible sparks with, in addition to compatibility and shared goals?

Ok. Congratulations.

Smart, fun, professionally accomplished, women are everywhere, but that is far from enough. That isn't even close to enough. For me finding that amazing chemistry that needs to be there to fall in love doesn't happen everywhere. It is actually quite rare to find. It is elusive. And when I find it, I know their being a parent won't prevent me from acting upon it.

Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou

Those same people are everywhere. The most undesirable men I have ever met were all single dads.



Some parents are single because they got "bored" of the relationship, they divorced because the spouse got fat (one charmer told me this), some parents are divorced because they were the cheater or the abuser. That's not discussing the baby daddies who dumped the women when they got pregnant or those who didn't love the woman enough to marry her.

The reason many people without children marry parents is because they were desperate to marry anyone. I guarantee many of them would have preferred to have married childless/childfree but figured the parent was all they could find. I know this because many have told me this. Several are divorced or unhappy.

SOME. But we aren't looking to date SOME, we are looking to date one person.

I would think most well put together adults would be able to figure out who a good person is and not judge them on the generalities of their demographic.

[Metaphysique]

Originally Posted by timberline742

I mean, I understand there may be societal tendencies. We can look at sociological data of anything. The average single mother is _________. But we don't date medians, we date individuals. I just don't understand ruling out a specific individual because some of the statistics on a few of their demographic groups don't appeal to me. Would I rule out someone of a certain race because the economic or social date for people in that race isn't what I'm looking for in a mate? Of course not, I'd deal with the individual in front of me.

Precisely. These attitudes can apply to a number of demographics, be it race, sexual identity or socioeconomic class. There's some truth to some stereotypes, else they wouldn't exist. But relying on assumptions and generalizations to determine how a particular individual is seen or viewed? One could easily apply these attitudes to race and economic status. Someone could claim they don't want to date someone who came from meager beginnings because they may be "screwed up." Or, what about not wanting to date someone who had divorced parents because, again, they must not understand what family and healthy relationships are about. It's fine to have a personal preference, but making assumptions and speaking in absolutes for others is bullsh*t.

Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou

I'm speaking for myself but the reality is divorce between parents and non parents is high. People without kids are taking a huge gamble between the high divorce rate to the chance they may end up supporting a single parent, their kids and the ex.

If you're concerned about the divorce statistics then by all means, either don't get married or really, really hope you don't get a divorce. I don't see what other people choose for their life has anything to do with you, or why your position and ideas are somehow absolute. They're not. They apply to you. There are increased risks or drawbacks for a host of choices, lifestyles and practices people engage in. Do you feel the need to police everyone about every decision they make?

If you're concerned about the chances of having to support a single parent and their kid then don't date a single parent. But what other folks do is of no concern of yours, so you have no say in what benefits them or their situation.