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Because how many single dads actually get custody of their children? At that point, a good woman is going to be able to tell instantly that the mom is not a good mom and the dad had to step up. A full custody single dad is a rarity, and they are viewed even more attractive to older single women and/or single moms.
I am not sure of the numbers, but this is a factor. Even my ex (who has joint custody with me) only takes our daughter 20% of the time (the real split is 50/50). It's his choice... he just doesn't use the time he could. Not having a child around makes dating easier. I date when my daughter is with her dad... and she's never yet met any man I dated.
My only beef with the whole anti single mom thing is that there are so many men out there that think they are going to be "daddy" to the child. I think of my child and she has a dad and he's involved in her life. Ideally, any man I dated would have very little (if any) contact with her (unless things get very serious... but that takes time). It's part of the reason I prefer single dads myself... they "get it." They "get" that they aren't replacing the other parent and they get the challenges that come with dating when you have a kid.
I am not sure of the numbers, but this is a factor. Even my ex (who has joint custody with me) only takes our daughter 20% of the time (the real split is 50/50). It's his choice... he just doesn't use the time he could. Not having a child around makes dating easier. I date when my daughter is with her dad... and she's never yet met any man I dated.
My only beef with the whole anti single mom thing is that there are so many men out there that think they are going to be "daddy" to the child. I think of my child and she has a dad and he's involved in her life. Ideally, any man I dated would have very little (if any) contact with her (unless things get very serious... but that takes time). It's part of the reason I prefer single dads myself... they "get it." They "get" that they aren't replacing the other parent and they get the challenges that come with dating when you have a kid.
Single Moms need love too and don't expect for you to pay our way, we're strong and independent because we have to be. I just don't understand why some or most men hate dating a single mom especially if she is attractive. I don't get it.
Lol I don't care how attractive she is. If she has a kid I don't want to date her.
I am not sure of the numbers, but this is a factor. Even my ex (who has joint custody with me) only takes our daughter 20% of the time (the real split is 50/50). It's his choice... he just doesn't use the time he could. Not having a child around makes dating easier. I date when my daughter is with her dad... and she's never yet met any man I dated.
My only beef with the whole anti single mom thing is that there are so many men out there that think they are going to be "daddy" to the child. I think of my child and she has a dad and he's involved in her life. Ideally, any man I dated would have very little (if any) contact with her (unless things get very serious... but that takes time). It's part of the reason I prefer single dads myself... they "get it." They "get" that they aren't replacing the other parent and they get the challenges that come with dating when you have a kid.
Jillabean,
Do you go out of your way to date idiots or do the guys who "get it" have ESP as to the actual level of involvement of the biological father? This really is not a difficult matter to explain and in fact you need to explain it regardless as there is no way for any guy to know just how involved the biological father is without you laying it out for them.
In some cases the new guy DOES eventually become the father-figure or the father in every sense of the word IF your children are young enough. Like in the case of my older sister where her first husband chose to suicide out.
Lol I don't care how attractive she is. If she has a kid I don't want to date her.
I think age is an age disconnected in this thread too... you are what, in your early 20s? I'd say if you are dating for your age and, if at that age, a woman already has a child, yeah... it's unusual and most men would be like you and not date her. Most women in their early 20s don't have kids and I would think it would be a red flag for a lot of men (and I can see why).
But when you start getting into the territory of people in their 30s and 40s who have kids, most times it's because a marriage failed... then I don't feel that it's so much of a red flag (although you should find out why the marriage ended). Especially considering a lot of the men in that group are, they themselves divorced and with kids. Now, men in these age groups can find women without kids (some women don't want kids or were never married). But I think it's a lot harder to find people (men or women) that aren't parents at this point--much harder than in the early 20s.
Jillabean,
Do you go out of your way to date idiots or do the guys who "get it" have ESP as to the actual level of involvement of the biological father? This really is not a difficult matter to explain and in fact you need to explain it regardless as there is no way for any guy to know just how involved the biological father is without you laying it out for them.
In some cases the new guy DOES eventually become the father-figure or the father in every sense of the word IF your children are young enough. Like in the case of my older sister where her first husband chose to suicide out.
None of the men I've dated ever met my child. So no, they were never "father figures." And like I said, my ex and I have joint custody so she has an active father figure in her life. In the case of your sister, there was no father (I am sorry for your sister that he killed himself), so her new man maybe took on that role (at least it sounds like it) and that's fine. But in most cases, single mom's aren't single mom's because they are widows.
When I say guys with kids "get it" I mean they "get" what being a single parent is about and what it's not about. They know they aren't looking for a "mommy figure" for their children and therefore "get" that I am not hunting for an alternative daddy for mine. That sort of thing. I might be mistaken, but my impression is a lot of the men in this thread who think dating a single mom = becoming a surrogate dad aren't parents themselves and just don't understand that, that isn't always the case. Usually when I started dating a single dad, we talked about our divorces and why they happened... we talk about our kids... etc. No ESP needed.
In my experience, mainly due to my geographical location, most single moms get very little break time from being a single parent. The Dad may do every other weekend, but that's about it. It's hard to get serious with a single parent when they just don't have time to see you. For the single moms who are just burnt out on dealing with dating, and have their crap together, tend to just get fully involved in parent mode. These women may enter back into dating when their kid(s) hit teenager age, but until then the focus is just not there.
It's likely why so many bad single moms are online. Most of them have no plan, so they are looking for a man to save them from their life of despair.
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