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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
Or that they're going to get all their spontaneous fun out of their system before having kids and then magically stop wanting to have that once they have kids.
Or get resentful, go to bar, drink and moan about their lives...
Someone for whom that is a high priority isn't going to want to be a father at all. I've been reading a lot of "but I want kids of my own someday" posts, a couple of them have these sentiments too. Having one's own child isn't going to make things any more spontaneous. Likewise with the recent complaint about "all responsibility and none of the fun." Being able to remember conceiving the child doesn't lessen the stress or feelings of responsibility at all. Worth it? Debatable. But I think some guys believe a fairy tale wherein their own children are going to be spontaneous, fun, and low-cost little people ... not like those other guys' brats.
I agree with this, but having children of your own does actually allow for travel more than having someone else's child to contend with.
For example, I wanted to take a vacation with someone, but their ex would not allow the child to leave the county without her permission. Even then, we were not allowed to go more than x miles with the child without her written permission...
So traveling can be a bit of a drag if you want to take the child with you. Not all the time, but yes, sometimes it can be an issue. Not a big enough one to let it persuade you away from dating a single parent however.
I am on the fence about whether to date a single dad though, to be completely honest. There are a lot of factors. Primarily, do they want more children. What involvement does their mother have. What involvement would I have if this got serious. Would moving be an option. How would travel work. What the visitation agreement if any is. It's a lot to figure out, and I'd like to know up front, while some people might find this an invasion of privacy, I'd want to know this before meeting the kid.
Being a single mother is admirable. With all the inequalities faced by women, and just because they are doing it by themselves, they often have to make great sacrifices for their kids.
I can't believe anyone would judge single mothers negatively.
Someone for whom that is a high priority isn't going to want to be a father at all. I've been reading a lot of "but I want kids of my own someday" posts, a couple of them have these sentiments too. Having one's own child isn't going to make things any more spontaneous. Likewise with the recent complaint about "all responsibility and none of the fun." Being able to remember conceiving the child doesn't lessen the stress or feelings of responsibility at all. Worth it? Debatable. But I think some guys believe a fairy tale wherein their own children are going to be spontaneous, fun, and low-cost little people ... not like those other guys' brats.
As usual you totally missing the point. It's one thing to give up your freedom and being spontaneous for your own child, your own flesh and blood. But I'm not about to give that up for some other dudes kids.
As usual you totally missing the point. It's one thing to give up your freedom and being spontaneous for your own child, your own flesh and blood. But I'm not about to give that up for some other dudes kids.
Oh, you want kids now? I thought you were one of the avowed childless. I thought you didn't like children.
Oh, you want kids now? I thought you were one of the avowed childless. I thought you didn't like children.
I've never said I didn't want kids,(actually if you read though the thread you would see I said that whoever I marry I want us to have kids together)I just don't want to raise somebody else's children. Not really that hard to understand.
Well, why don't you tell him about yourself? Maybe he's looking for you to tell him about you.
Thanks for the kind post. I just wanted to address your last question. I did try to talk about myself, but I always felt like I was butting in to the conversation and he seemed to tune out. He really told me some deep, dark secrets about himself and what he went though (not only with his first marriage, but also his experience in Iraq, and his relationships with current friends and business partners). If I were a gossip, he'd be in trouble! But I don't gossip.
Honestly, the man confuses the heck out of me. He's obviously physically and sexually attracted to me, he confides in me, trusts me, and we share a lot in common. He even sends gifts to my daughter (sent her a really nice one for her birthday last year). But on the flip side, for example, this year I got a Valentines text from him. I was kind of hoping for a card (which is what I sent to him).
Sometimes he seems like he still has some kind of attraction to me, other times he seems like he's never been interested in me. It's confusing. And like I said, I almost think he doesn't know it's over (just last week he sent me a text about my naked body). But we discussed a relationship and he's the one who said he's sorry, but he can't offer me one. So I don't know what he's thinking. Maybe it's just lack of chemistry on his part.
I really should just cut off all contact with him--at least for a while. It's hard though because he didn't do anything "wrong" (it's not wrong that he's not interested in me... a person can't help that). And I really do like him and we've been friends for years. But if I don't, I am afraid it's going to take me forever to get over him.
I've never said I didn't want kids,(actually if you read though the thread you would see I said that whoever I marry I want us to have kids together)I just don't want to raise somebody else's children. Not really that hard to understand.
Interesting. You didn't strike me as the type who had room in his life for other people. Well, good luck with it.
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