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Do people really have a hard time understanding why dating someone with a child is fundamentally different and may or may not be frowned on?
I can see why it is frustrating from the single parents of the world, but is it REALLY that hard to examine the situation and understand?
It's the same reason having a child In the first place isn't (or at least shouldn't) a knee jerk reaction.
"Responsibility"
I understand it and don't make a fuss about it. Someone says they don't want to date a single parent I say fine and don't give a ***** lol. It's when people feel like they need to justify or explain that single moms are XYZ or did XYZ that I get irritated. I don't want to be collectively bunched into a category simply because I have a child and raise him the majority of the time without his father(who does have a role albeit smaller one). No one needs to Justify why they choose to be selective about who they date. it doesn't matter, it's your life, live it the way you want. But don't start applying judgements and stereotypes to those that have lives different than your own. On another thread I said I preferred men with big members. I didnt need to justify why or down men that were smaller it was a preference of mine for my own personal reasons.
And for the record before citydata, I had no clue that single childless men would not date me because I was a single mom. My experiences were different--I never had a man not want me because I was a single mom or lose interest. In fact oddly enough a few wanted to see pics if my son and meet him and I declined.
That being said since being on citydata it is now brought to my attention that there are men that would not date me because I am a mom. It doesn't change a thing for me, beyond the realization I already had that not everyone will want me. It's the nature of the dating game though. There are people who get rejected all the time for not meeting someone else's standards. It is what it is. The op hasn't gotten to a point where she understands this. But most of us single moms that do get this, have no problem with men not wanting to date us because we have kids. We know kids are a big deal and would prefer to date men that were okay with it. :-) what irritates us is labeling all of us collectively and applying negative judgement to our situations without even fully knowing our situations.
And for the record before citydata, I had no clue they single childless men would not date me because I was a single mom. My experiences were different--I never had a man not want me because I was a single mom or lose interest. In fact oddly enough a few wanted to see pics if my son and meet him and I declined.
Because in the real world it's not true. Maybe for men in their 20s but once you get older it's a non issue. I maybe dated 3 women in my 20s that had children. 30s on up it's the rule not the exception.
Because in the real world it's not true. Maybe for men in their 20s but once you get older it's a non issue. I maybe dated 3 women in my 20s that had children. 30s on up it's the rule not the exception.
I had my son at 24, and most men I date were always in my age range, and childless... So it was never an issue. Like I said I never wanted for dates or suitors before I had my son and don't after having him either. But apparently for the op she does have issues dating since having her child, so I do believe that there are single moms that struggle with dating at times. But I don't want her to believe that she is completely doomed. There are men that date single moms and there are men that don't. What the op has to understand is that people have the right for preferences even if she feels slighted because she isn't within a man's preference. There are def. men and people who can be nasty or cruel about it though. And I'm sure that's what got to her as well.
Because in the real world it's not true. Maybe for men in their 20s but once you get older it's a non issue. I maybe dated 3 women in my 20s that had children. 30s on up it's the rule not the exception.
What do you mean in the "real world". Its very true for me, and I'm in my 30's. Its probably a non issue for desperate guys, but for men who have choices, women who have kids are not high on the list. Especially if they want their own kids.
What do you mean in the "real world". Its very true for me, and I'm in my 30's. Its probably a non issue for desperate guys, but for men who have choices, women who have kids are not high on the list. Especially if they want their own kids.
That would be my "Real world" and my my pool of friends. I just don't see it being very commonly brought up other than online and specifically on CDF.
For myself I can get a date 7 nights a week with childfree women of almost any age bracket, but if I find someone who I find more attractive and a better match for me that has a child or even 2 it's not going to be a deal breaker. I'm not talking about the women with 3 kids by 3 fathers. Ideally, I would like an extremely attractive mid 30s single woman with no children, but the ones that fit that description are very few and the ones that are available are so nuts they couldn't hold a relationship for longer than a month. It's just not that big of a compromise to many of us.
That would be my "Real world" and my my pool of friends. I just don't see it being very commonly brought up other than online and specifically on CDF.
For myself I can get a date 7 nights a week with childfree women of almost any age bracket, but if I find someone who I find more attractive and a better match for me that has a child or even 2 it's not going to be a deal breaker. I'm not talking about the women with 3 kids by 3 fathers. Ideally, I would like an extremely attractive mid 30s single woman with no children, but the ones that fit that description are very few and the ones that are available are so nuts they couldn't hold a relationship for longer than a month. It's just not that big of a compromise to many of us.
I didn't know you and your friends spoke for all men. That's B.S. that they're are no women over the age of 30 with no kids. Maybe if you live in a small town that may be the case. But if you live in the city they're plenty of "career minded" women in my age range who don't have kids.(and even if I couldn't find none in my age rage, I would date younger). I work at law firm, there are plenty of attractive women who don't have kids yet. The myth that every womon over the age of 30 is already tied down with kids is false. If you want to date women with kids that's fine, but don't give me none of that white knight crap about I'm not living in the real world.
That's because a whole slew of "single dads", have absolutely nothing to do with their children. I would suspect they do not even tell dates that they have children.
I ain't defending them. Deadbeat dads / liars are subhuman filth, just as much as moms who pop them out without both parties' consent. I just don't get it. I'm 37, have had a handful of medium- to long-term girlfriends, and lots and lots of sex without any issues. It isn't rocket science. Birth control + rhythm method + withdrawal method. Worst case scenario, abort and split the bill (Godfearing hillbillies, feel free to adopt out). What's so hard about that? I mean, in our culture, you shouldn't even begin to think about having kids until you're in your late 20s and early 30s and married to a good mate.
America was getting better at this during the late '80s and into the '90s. What the crap happened?
I didn't know you and your friends spoke for all men. That's B.S. that they're are no women over the age of 30 with no kids. Maybe if you live in a small town that may be the case. But if you live in the city they're plenty of "career minded" women in my age range who don't have kids.(and even if I couldn't find none in my age rage, I would date younger). I work at law firm, there are plenty of attractive women who don't have kids yet. The myth that every womon over the age of 30 is already tied down with kids is false. If you want to date women with kids that's fine, but don't give me none of that white knight crap about I'm not living in the real world.
I actually agree with this. It really does depend on the city, region, and job field or how career minded a woman is and the culture within that area surrounding marriage and children. I lived in the Midwest in rural Ohio and in busy Chicago, I also lived in the south and now on the east coast. I can tell you that when I was living on Ohio it was normal that a woman over 30 would have a child, be pregnant, married, etc. In Chicago it was the same thing around the surburban area, but when you got closer to certain parts or towns within Chicago depending on the town you would either encounter a large portion of women that were single with children and didnt want for options because the men were used to it OR towns where it was the opposite and there were many career minded women in their thirties that had not had a child. In the south in Nashville most of the women seemed to get married and had kids by age 27. But marriage was stressed more often, so while here were single moms it seemed to be frowned upon and not as high in quantity as it was in certain parts of Chicago.
I'm in the east coast now and I've noticed that in some of the bad parts or working class areas of Philly you can expect to run into single moms more frequently especially over 30. And in certain jobs(retail/food,etc) I've encountered more single moms or young moms(married) than in other fields. In my current position I'm the only single mom in my age range(under 30) in my entire department. There is one other woman that has a child and she is 26 like me but she got married 4 years ago. The only other single mom is 55. I work in the finance industry.
My sister lives in New York and works at a top law firm in time square and the majority of the women she works with see childless and single and most are in their late twenties and thirties age range with no rush to get married or have kids.
It definitely depends on many factors. On the other hand after living in each of these regions I can honestly say the quantity of men that met my criterion or preferences that wanted to date me despite my child did not dwindle or change. And I'm under 30.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by variant
I ain't defending them. Deadbeat dads / liars are subhuman filth, just as much as moms who pop them out without both parties' consent. I just don't get it. I'm 37, have had a handful of medium- to long-term girlfriends, and lots and lots of sex without any issues. It isn't rocket science. Birth control + rhythm method + withdrawal method. Worst case scenario, abort and split the bill (Godfearing hillbillies, feel free to adopt out). What's so hard about that? I mean, in our culture, you shouldn't even begin to think about having kids until you're in your late 20s and early 30s and married to a good mate.
America was getting better at this during the late '80s and into the '90s. What the crap happened?
I wish I knew. Things were a poppin during Clinton. I think the economy really has done a number on everything.
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That's B.S. that they're are no women over the age of 30 with no kids. Maybe if you live in a small town that may be the case. But if you live in the city they're plenty of "career minded" women in my age range who don't have kids.(and even if I couldn't find none in my age rage, I would date younger). I work at law firm, there are plenty of attractive women who don't have kids yet. The myth that every womon over the age of 30 is already tied down with kids is false. If you want to date women with kids that's fine, but don't give me none of that white knight crap about I'm not living in the real world.
