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I don't think most people on here are bashing moms. The issues moms run into is they have expectations that the guy has to accept the whole package. You cant force a bond to occure. My gf was trying to do that and gave up and decided it was still worth it to be with me.
The bond that is built together carries a lot more weight than one that your just thrown into and expected to accept.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,072,463 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by flathead4
Actions speak louder than words. The results of your actions are plainly visible on the dating site you are a member on.
What?? That she's taking care of her kid by herself when the baby's father wouldn't do it? Heaven save us!
Being a single mom doesn't say ANYTHING NEGATIVE about a woman. If you don't think becoming a father would be a wise decision in your situation, fine, don't be with her.
But don't project your flaws or all the problems in your life onto her.
Guys who say things like this make me embarrassed to be a male!
My only issue with single moms are I think it selfish to have a kid because you wanted someone to love or it was the only thing you wanted in life. Knowing darn well you do not have the money to have a child in the first place.
If a female was in a relationship and had a kid that a different story . Also if a female had a great job and could financially support her and a child it might be ok with that.
All I know is I want to be a dad someday but right now not the best time .See I am going back to college to get a better job one that can feed a family.
I thought about once college is done if I can't find a good woman I might adopt a child and be a single dad .
I find this sequence of events more admirable: Get married. Then have kids. Then stay married, at least until the youngest kid is 18.
Or the alternative: Have unplanned pregnancy while unmarried?--Give kid up for adoption so you and your kid won't have to deal with the many inevitable social/economic penalties working against you.
I know I will get flamed for this. So be it.
You're whole basis seems to be the assumption that all single mom's have never been married or all single mom's (if they were married) were home wreckers of some sort who left the marriage.
I actually would have stayed married after I found out my husband was gay (I knew something was up and the marriage was dying. I knew he was sleeping around with men). I thought, "I'll wait until my child grows up and is out of the house." But I had no choice, he ended up leaving me for his lover and coming out of the closet completely.
What I am saying is some of us did go into that mode: Get married and stay married. I didn't want to divorce or be a single mom. It wasn't a choice I had any control in making. In my case, I couldn't control what my husband did. We have free will here to divorce for "no-fault". He left me and I was stuck with the aftermath.
After the divorce I took a few years to recover. Then I started dating. I always hoped to have more kids, so I had this crazy dream of meeting a single dad with a child or children my daughter age. It would be a good match I thought since we'd be at similar life stages. Guess kind of like the Brady Bunch--but smaller, lol.
But the problem I am running into with that is most men my age had children much earlier in life (in their early 20s I imagine based on the ages of their kids) and their kids are older and more independent. And the other weird thing is I seem to get the attention of never married/or divorced with no kids men. They just don't get why I can't just suddenly drop everything at the last minute and go out (with the main problem being I need to hire a sitter and need some advance notice to go out).
Lately I've been leaning to just giving up or at least stop trying/take a break from dating. I don't think I have anything to offer that men want other than sex... they all seem to want that and nothing else. No intimacy. No closeness. No sharing of dreams... well, they do seem to like to dump all their problems on me like I am some kind of counselor or bartender or something (even on first dates!). While I don't mind being a shoulder to lean on and listening and being a safe person to confide in, after a while I get sick of hearing a man whine about how miserable his life is or how he's depressed while all the while he never even asks me a single thing about me. I swear, I know the complete history or the man I dated, his family connections, all the stories of his childhood, he even showed me his family home and other places he grew up. He doesn't even know my middle name (I know his middle name and who he's named after and why).
What?? That she's taking care of her kid by herself when the baby's father wouldn't do it? Heaven save us!
Being a single mom doesn't say ANYTHING NEGATIVE about a woman. If you don't think becoming a father would be a wise decision in your situation, fine, don't be with her.
But don't project your flaws or all the problems in your life onto her.
Guys who say things like this make me embarrassed to be a male!
I never said anything negative about how it's portrayed on the profile. I said her potential audience will draw their own conclusions. You're jumping to one now.
I am not a single mother, but I can't stand men bashing these single moms without even getting to know them first. It is not fair. If you don't want to date them, don't date them. No need to start threads after threads trying to convince everybody else on the planet why they shouldn't be dating them. Makes me think, maybe these men have been hurt or rejected by single moms? Just a thought.
People that do the verbal attack have perhaps not mastered their emotions, and this is their way of having a "temper tantrum" as an adult. They might not throw themselves on the ground like children do, but they behave poorly without regard for the other person. What's more, they think they are justified in saying negative things (that are true, partially true and twisted, or complete lies) because someone hurt them.
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To the men who say they will not date a single mom, Yes, we got it.
I am not a single mother, but I can't stand men bashing these single moms without even getting to know them first. It is not fair. If you don't want to date them, don't date them. No need to start threads after threads trying to convince everybody else on the planet why they shouldn't be dating them. Makes me think, maybe these men have been hurt or rejected by single moms? Just a thought.
People that do the verbal attack have perhaps not mastered their emotions, and this is their way of having a "temper tantrum" as an adult. They might not throw themselves on the ground like children do, but they behave poorly without regard for the other person. What's more, they think they are justified in saying negative things (that are true, partially true and twisted, or complete lies) because someone hurt them.
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To the men who say they will not date a single mom, Yes, we got it.
A single mom is the one who started this thread. Life is not fair. There are men who get discriminated agaisnt by women because they don't make enough money, not tall enough, don't have a college degree, small penis, not the right race, etc, etc, . I think you're going overboard, I don't think anybody is "verbally attacking" single moms. The OP asked why some men don't want to date single moms, and people gave honest answers.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,072,463 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
You're whole basis seems to be the assumption that all single mom's have never been married or all single mom's (if they were married) were home wreckers of some sort who left the marriage.
I agree, he's being stupid!
Quote:
And the other weird thing is I seem to get the attention of never married/or divorced with no kids men. They just don't get why I can't just suddenly drop everything at the last minute and go out (with the main problem being I need to hire a sitter and need some advance notice to go out).
Yeah, you could potentially get my attention. Like I said in other places though, I prefer to find people for whom I have feelings from among the set of women I have met in platonic contexts, as opposed to dating people I have never met. Plus as you say here, your obligations with your child could be a problem. I admire you for taking care of her, but it would be irresponsible for me to come into that situation. Reason is, right now, I make minimum wage, I live in a one bedroom apartment with my dad (had to move back about 8 months ago, hope to move out again soon), I don't have a car or know how to drive, etc. A lot of people are not in my situation though, and want to be fathers, so I don't know why those people aren't contacting you.
Quote:
Lately I've been leaning to just giving up or at least stop trying/take a break from dating. I don't think I have anything to offer that men want
That's sad, that's how I feel toward women right now. Everyone feels uncomfortable when they find out I have feelings...
Quote:
other than sex... they all seem to want that and nothing else. No intimacy. No closeness. No sharing of dreams...
I don't really have any dreams to share but I definitely want emotional intimacy and closeness if we are to share sexual intimacy.
Quote:
While I don't mind being a shoulder to lean on and listening and being a safe person to confide in, after a while I get sick of hearing a man whine about how miserable his life is or how he's depressed while all the while he never even asks me a single thing about me.
Well, why don't you tell him about yourself? Maybe he's looking for you to tell him about you.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,072,463 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks
I think you're going overboard, I don't think anybody is "verbally attacking" single moms.
They're not, eh?
Quote:
Originally Posted by krieger00
single moms are I think it selfish to have a kid because you wanted someone to love or it was the only thing you wanted in life. Knowing darn well you do not have the money to have a child in the first place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by flathead4
Actions speak louder than words. The results of your actions are plainly visible on the dating site you are a member on. Your potential audience then draws conclusions as to the type of person you are.
A single mom is the one who started this thread. Life is not fair. There are men who get discriminated agaisnt by women because they don't make enough money, not tall enough, don't have a college degree, small penis, not the right race, etc, etc, . I think you're going overboard, I don't think anybody is "verbally attacking" single moms. The OP asked why some men don't want to date single moms, and people gave honest answers.
I understand single mom started this thread. Do you know why did she have to start this kind of thread?
Personally, even though I aint a single mom myself, I do wonder myself why the hell so many men make an issue about dating single moms ONLINE? If I don't want to date somebody, I just don't date them, I won't start threads after threads convincing other people NOT to.
well, telling people "she is a ****ty person who messed up her relationship" sounds pretty much like attacking to me.
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