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It seems like the guys you fall for are just not good candidates. I'm in the same boat and I had to change how I dated. Of my (4) prior relationships, all of them got seriously involved or engaged/married to the next guy after me. I can have excuses for why all those relationships ended, but in the end I was the common denominator. 3/4 women were actually good women for me and would have made great wives. For various reasons, I chose to focus on other things and not them.
I've really been reflecting the last 14 months of why my relationships ended. Most of the time it was because I was overly selfish. I had to change that and be willing to make someone else a focal point in my life. It only gets harder as we age, because we accumulate so much on our own or with another person we failed in a relationship with.
Keep your head up and keep pressing forward. Have you ever fallen for a guy rather quickly or has it always been a long drawn out process? I would imagine as we age, what worked as a long drawn out process, may not always be sound advice. Long and drawn out works better as we age, because we have less available time to get to know each other. In the end, it's easy for someone to mask and harbor a not so pleasant side of themselves.
What I am doing is cleaning out all my crap (actual stuff) and moving closer to my GF. Not having much stuff frees up at least one area of worry. Like omg what am I going to do with all this stuff if I have to move the land lord wants me out, I have to sell and on and on. It is truely liberating, the less things to worry about the more you can focus on the important things in life.
As others have implied, much of the animosity towards single-parents in the dating market is precisely because of the feeling that there goes another candidate who rendered himself or herself "ineligible", from the viewpoint of persons who are not interested in having a family. It's less of a moral judgment about the parents, than a frustration on the part of the child-less or child-free singles. This frustration increases with age, as proportionately more and more of the general adult populace enters the parenthood stage of life. A secondary source of frustration is towards parents in general, including those who are married: people with families tend to socialize with other people with families. As their number increases, the child-less or child-free find themselves in a dwindling and shunned minority.
As others have implied, much of the animosity towards single-parents in the dating market is precisely because of the feeling that there goes another candidate who rendered himself or herself "ineligible", from the viewpoint of persons who are not interested in having a family. It's less of a moral judgment about the parents, than a frustration on the part of the child-less or child-free singles. This frustration increases with age, as proportionately more and more of the general adult populace enters the parenthood stage of life. A secondary source of frustration is towards parents in general, including those who are married: people with families tend to socialize with other people with families. As their number increases, the child-less or child-free find themselves in a dwindling and shunned minority.
What the hell you talking about? What does single moms have to do with people who are married? People who are married usually don't hang out with single parents. Married couples tend to hang out with other married couples.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Originally Posted by 14Bricks
What the hell you talking about? What does single moms have to do with people who are married? People who are married usually don't hang out with single parents. Married couples tend to hang out with other married couples.
I think he meant that people with kids tend to spend time with others who have kids, whether that is a married couple with kids or a single person with kids.
Being a single mother is admirable. With all the inequalities faced by women, and just because they are doing it by themselves, they often have to make great sacrifices for their kids.
I can't believe anyone would judge single mothers negatively.
No, it is not automatically admirable. All it displays is that the person possesses a functioning set of reproductive organs and many times a limited grasp of self control.
Because kids are expensive. If you can date a man without involving your kids then good job. But if you cant dont complain. Everyone has preferences. Would you date some you didnt like? If you do then you get what you deserve.
Single Moms need love too and don't expect for you to pay our way, we're strong and independent because we have to be. I just don't understand why some or most men hate dating a single mom especially if she is attractive. I don't get it.
Having been a kid of divorced parents and mom bringing a guy into our lives as teens who pretty much abandoned his own kids...I'd not be too keen on pushing my way into a single mom's life.
Take no offense, but I'm not the hypocritical sort. Kid needs mom and dad in his/her life. Not every other schmoe you can find. If that means you're dateless until the kiddo turns ~21, so be it.
If you're strong and independent...well, be grown up enough to be on good terms with babydaddy. Oh, if you're hot and a single mom, you did something wrong. You either chose very poorly or you ran off a good guy.
I dated a single mom of 4 kids but I broke up with her a few months ago. We met online last year. She wanted someone to eventually marry her and take on the responsibility of her 4 kids and become a father figure for all 4 of them. As far as marriage is concerned, four kids would have been a lot to take on, especially if they weren't mine. Strangely enough, she only worked part-time in her job (about 25 - 30 hours a week). On the weekdays, she worked a couple hours in the morning and worked a few hours later in the afternoon. She told me that she would look for another job and I gave her my address and phone number as a reference for her job applications, and I would have expected that she would at least work a second part-time job to support her 4 kids but she never worked a second job. She ended up just working the one job. How would she be able to work just one part-time job if she has 4 kids? But she is able to get by with just the one job.
I'm dating a single Mom of 1 now, and we make it work, but I agree that scheduling and priorities are more critical to our dating life.
However, i'm a single dad of 1 as well, and our kids are the same age. So I'm also at the point in my life, where sitting at a bar at 2AM is not where I need to be, but rather going apple picking with our kids is.
Believe it or not, I am enjoying the play dates, and spending hours talking about our kids with her. This situation works for us, better than I initially thought.
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