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I was married once. I lived with a man once. I had wanted to marry the man that I lived with, had hoped he would ask, but that didn't happen.
I moved out about 15 months ago. I am at a point where I really don't know what I want. Some days I like just coming and going without thinking about when to be home, what to make for dinner, etc. I used to want to be married again. I didn't used to like the idea of FWB, but I guess that's exactly what I was when I was living with a man. I found out that I certainly wasn't a significant other - just an other.
What I do know is that I still want someone in my life. In what capacity, I don't know. Maybe the relationship would steer in its own direction.
At this point, I keep busy with improving my house and going to work, but there is no substitute for holding hands or being hugged.
No there is no substitue for holding hands or being hugged....yanno, I gotta say here, I'm so glad I never had a good relationship, and that may sound lame, but here is why. When I loved, I loved all the way, was loyal, honest, and giving...actually gave away my identity...which is really bad, but I didn't realize then, if I hadn't the marriage would have never worked. I'm way to independent and have no problem doing things on my own....so if the hand holding and hugs would have been sincere, and I would have lost that, after knowing heartbreak, God only knows how I would have handeled that....the pain of loosing someone due to disloyalty is one thing, but loosing a wonderful partner, would have probably sent me over the edge. Maybe, I don't know? Guess God never puts more on your shoulders then you can bear, but gosh, I never thought about that before your post. Well, if you do find someone, make certain, in all honesty, he is someone who deserves YOU! Don't settle for less.
But if it's against men, it's allowed on CD. If the genders were reversed, well LOL Could you imagine the uproar if men posted the kind of posts about women that are in this thread???
To address the OP, No never again for marriage. I USED to feel that way about LTR, but that's when I lived in the States. Now that I met a beautiful, fit, passionate, fun loving, down to earth Aussie girl, well that has changed. I'm still not getting married again, and she's OK with that. WE just enjoy each other's company and enjoy Aussie life together!! She's proof that good women really DO exist-Mod cut: painting with a broad brush, offensive
But if it's against men, it's allowed on CD. If the genders were reversed, well LOL Could you imagine the uproar if men posted the kind of posts about women that are in this thread???
To address the OP, No never again for marriage. I USED to feel that way about LTR, but that's when I lived in the States. Now that I met a beautiful, fit, passionate, fun loving, down to earth Aussie girl, well that has changed. I'm still not getting married again, and she's OK with that. WE just enjoy each other's company and enjoy Aussie life together!! She's proof that good women really DO exist-just not in america, because as this thread proved-american women are the bottom of the barrel
Yanno, this isn't really sexist, b/c there are many of us who do believe there are good men out there who do feel the very same way we women do.
It's nothing against men, I've tried marriage, and I didn't really care for it....see, some are not reading between the lines...it's nothing against our partners, they were human beings, we were just not mentally compatible....and I've come to realize, how wonderful life is without having someone there...
For me, there are more times then not, I am not into hugging, or asking someone else, "What would you like to do, or where would you like to go?", then giving up my idea of wanting to go somewhere that weekend. It isn't about a man, it's about specifically enjoying life without someone there....
Enjoying my own company, pleasing myself, and going on any vacation without having to please someone else.
Yanno, even when you travel with someone, you feel obligated to go the restaurants, they want to go with, to the movies, instead of simply just sitting on the beach with a good book....or taking a walk by myself, or stopping to talk to someone, and not have to worry about getting back on time....in any relationship, even with friends from the same sex, there is always give and take, but when you live alone, you are able to please yourself....and that is REALLY nice.
Yanno, this isn't really sexist, b/c there are many of us who do believe there are good men out there who do feel the very same way we women do.
It's nothing against men, I've tried marriage, and I didn't really care for it....see, some are not reading between the lines...it's nothing against our partners, they were human beings, we were just not mentally compatible....and I've come to realize, how wonderful life is without having someone there...
For me, there are more times then not, I am not into hugging, or asking someone else, "What would you like to do, or where would you like to go?", then giving up my idea of wanting to go somewhere that weekend. It isn't about a man, it's about specifically enjoying life without someone there....
Enjoying my own company, pleasing myself, and going on any vacation without having to please someone else.
Yanno, even when you travel with someone, you feel obligated to go the restaurants, they want to go with, to the movies, instead of simply just sitting on the beach with a good book....or taking a walk by myself, or stopping to talk to someone, and not have to worry about getting back on time....in any relationship, even with friends from the same sex, there is always give and take, but when you live alone, you are able to please yourself....and that is REALLY nice.
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Fair enough. I wasnt referring to you in my post, as I get what you're saying- totally. It's just that some of the other women who posted in this thread are the first ones to get their oversized knickers in a knot the second anyone dare imply they are not perfect!!
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Fair enough. I wasnt referring to you in my post, as I get what you're saying- totally. It's just that some of the other women who posted in this thread are the first ones to get their oversized knickers in a knot the second anyone dare imply they are not perfect!!
It is much easier to find the imperfections in someone else rather then self examine....which is crucial to retain positivity and growth....
But honestly, I believe most of the women in this thread, feel the same way I do, pssst, come er....(whispering in your ear) they just don't know it yet.
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Fair enough. I wasnt referring to you in my post, as I get what you're saying- totally. It's just that some of the other women who posted in this thread are the first ones to get their oversized knickers in a knot the second anyone dare imply they are not perfect!!
I already posted way back on the first page why I don't want to marry again (and I later clarified that I knew there are a lot of good men out there who are NOT like my Ex... I am not bitter. Yet. )
But I do sometimes think of the flip side of things. What sane man would really want to put up with me? Before I was married I was an obsessive neat-nick. I cleaned and kept everything spotless. This quickly became a frustration in marriage, but I adapted to be not so neat. But now that I've been single again for the past four years, my neat-nick ways are creeping back in. I am forever cleaning things out, reorganizing, to make things more efficient. I can see where that would drive someone nuts. I'd be the steortype of the wife whose husband is upset because, "honey, where did you put the ___ THIS time?!"
Or what about my "need" to have alone time every night. I start getting snippy and crabby if I don't have time to myself. When I visit relatives for example, I sometimes retreat to the guest room to "take a nap" (really I am just reading or taking time to be alone).
While for the most part I am easy going, I also know that, at times, I can be very stubborn and tend to be focused and single minded when I come to that state. It's great for getting things done (I've had bureaucracies bend to my will in the past--it's like a superpower of mine). But while it's great for fighting city hall, it's not so great when I refuse to back down from an argument with a loved one.
I am sure there are other annoying things about me... those just come to mind as the three most common.
I would like to give my current relationship (I'm 7 months in) another year or more to make sure I'm getting a very good grasp of the emotions, behaviors and character of the one I'm with.
I have a very specific type of personality that I want now, as opposed to one I can tolerate. I admit that I pulled the trigger the first time on someone I was insanely attracted to and married during that 18-month honeymoon phase. I was willing accept her wild emotional swings, which were only more amplified later as our marriage moved on. I thought could handle it.
So, the big thing with me this time is really asking more questions of what they want out of life, how they show affection, how they handle pressure and failure and how they bounce back from that. Another thing is closely watching how they treat family. Are they disrespectful to their own loved ones? How many friends do they have and what do they say about them behind there back? How long has been since there last relationship (do they just jump from guy to guy or do they do some introspective thinking and can enjoy being single).
I already posted way back on the first page why I don't want to marry again (and I later clarified that I knew there are a lot of good men out there who are NOT like my Ex... I am not bitter. Yet. )
But I do sometimes think of the flip side of things. What sane man would really want to put up with me? Before I was married I was an obsessive neat-nick. I cleaned and kept everything spotless. This quickly became a frustration in marriage, but I adapted to be not so neat. But now that I've been single again for the past four years, my neat-nick ways are creeping back in. I am forever cleaning things out, reorganizing, to make things more efficient. I can see where that would drive someone nuts. I'd be the steortype of the wife whose husband is upset because, "honey, where did you put the ___ THIS time?!"
Or what about my "need" to have alone time every night. I start getting snippy and crabby if I don't have time to myself. When I visit relatives for example, I sometimes retreat to the guest room to "take a nap" (really I am just reading or taking time to be alone).
While for the most part I am easy going, I also know that, at times, I can be very stubborn and tend to be focused and single minded when I come to that state. It's great for getting things done (I've had bureaucracies bend to my will in the past--it's like a superpower of mine). But while it's great for fighting city hall, it's not so great when I refuse to back down from an argument with a loved one.
I am sure there are other annoying things about me... those just come to mind as the three most common.
But if it's against men, it's allowed on CD. If the genders were reversed, well
LOL Could you imagine the uproar if men posted the kind of
posts about women that are in this thread???
You mean like this:
Quote:
To address the OP, No never again for marriage. I USED to feel that way about
LTR, but that's when I lived in the States. Now that I met a beautiful, fit,
passionate, fun loving, down to earth Aussie girl, well that has changed. I'm
still not getting married again, and she's OK with that. WE just enjoy each
other's company and enjoy Aussie life together!! She's proof that good women really DO exist-just not in america, because as this thread proved-american women are the bottom of the barrel. It's a shame there's so many
bitter women out there, it really is. If the genders were reversed in these
posts, well the outrage would be intense! Between the "CD Misogynist Hit Squad"
and the " White Knights in Search of Brownie Points" those guys would get
ripped apart, but sadly these kind of threads and male bashers enjoy the CD
double standard - Oh well, such is life I guess. The more I read these threads,
the more I appreciate what I have
This thread isn't against men. More women have responded than men and well we were married to men not women. Most women have stated they love men, many had wonderful marriages. The women just stated honest reasons why they would not want to marry again. Stating that we spent our married life caring for, cleaning up after and sacrificing our own wants for others and don't want to do it again is not man bashing.
I'm not all butt hurt because some of the men have had the same experience and don't want to marry again. Its reality for some of us, women and men.
I already posted way back on the first page why I don't want to marry again (and I later clarified that I knew there are a lot of good men out there who are NOT like my Ex... I am not bitter. Yet. )
But I do sometimes think of the flip side of things. What sane man would really want to put up with me? Before I was married I was an obsessive neat-nick. I cleaned and kept everything spotless. This quickly became a frustration in marriage, but I adapted to be not so neat. But now that I've been single again for the past four years, my neat-nick ways are creeping back in. I am forever cleaning things out, reorganizing, to make things more efficient. I can see where that would drive someone nuts. I'd be the steortype of the wife whose husband is upset because, "honey, where did you put the ___ THIS time?!"
Or what about my "need" to have alone time every night. I start getting snippy and crabby if I don't have time to myself. When I visit relatives for example, I sometimes retreat to the guest room to "take a nap" (really I am just reading or taking time to be alone).
While for the most part I am easy going, I also know that, at times, I can be very stubborn and tend to be focused and single minded when I come to that state. It's great for getting things done (I've had bureaucracies bend to my will in the past--it's like a superpower of mine). But while it's great for fighting city hall, it's not so great when I refuse to back down from an argument with a loved one.
I am sure there are other annoying things about me... those just come to mind as the three most common.
Boy Jillabean, I know exactly what you mean, I do so desprately need that alone time....whew, glad to see someone else feels the same way.
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Could you imagine the uproar if men posted the kind of posts about women that are in this thread???
She's proof that good women really DO exist-Mod cut: painting with a broad brush, offensive
)
