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When I do cold approach I usually strike up a conversation in line or with someone sitting near me. Usually talk about something contextual. If the convo goes well I ask them if they want to get Starbucks or something like that. How do you feel about being approached by strangers?
I would consider having a casual conversation with a stranger in a public place to be simple friendliness, not an "approach."
"Approaching" sounds predatory. It would creep me out if I learned that a person had singled me out and used false interest and insincere conversation to manipulate me to go somewhere with him or her. Ugh. I think most people have a sixth sense about this stuff and will move away from someone who appears to have an ulterior motive.
I would consider having a casual conversation with a stranger in a public place to be simple friendliness, not an "approach."
"Approaching" sounds predatory. It would creep me out if I learned that a person had singled me out and used false interest and insincere conversation to manipulate me to go somewhere with him or her. Ugh. I think most people have a sixth sense about this stuff and will move away from someone who appears to have an ulterior motive.
I agree. I have no problem talking to folks in public.
I probably wouldn't have issue accepting a date (if I were single) if I thought that he seemed like a decent guy as well, but if he were just positioning himself in the local Starbucks or bookstore hitting up any and every woman he can, well that's a turn-off.
Striking up conversation is completely fine. It happens to me all the time at bars, in line to get food somewhere, etc. Flirtation doesn't bother me either, I have a boyfriend though so I usually kindly end it quickly, however many people are genuinely interested in just chatting, so that's fine with me .
I have also had men who were persistent to the point that it made me very uncomfortable. I've been followed a few times through the store when I politely end conversation (and I mean through aisles, to the other end of the store). I think it's happened to me 3x since moving to a new state. Not sure if men here are just more clingy or what, but THAT really scares me and freaks me out. I don't know if you think I'm cute, or if you want to kill me.
I also got followed once in a car when I was out jogging, in broad daylight by a group of grown men. That was one of the scariest things that ever happened. I noticed after a minuted that they were just following me, and I ran into someones backyard to wait until they drove away.
I also had a man follow me through Boston. He approached me in the park I was taking a rest in, and initially commented on how cute my dress was. He then went on to name every shop I had been in. Again, not sure if just creepy or wanted to kill me.
So needless to say, I'm a bit tainted when men approach me in public, however there is definitely a difference in wanting to get to know me vs. being very very clingy.
I can't stand girls who call EVERY person/man "creepy" who says a word to them in public. Get some social skills.
I would consider having a casual conversation with a stranger in a public place to be simple friendliness, not an "approach."
"Approaching" sounds predatory. It would creep me out if I learned that a person had singled me out and used false interest and insincere conversation to manipulate me to go somewhere with him or her. Ugh. I think most people have a sixth sense about this stuff and will move away from someone who appears to have an ulterior motive.
So I find you attractive and I'd like to buy you coffee; 1) that makes me creepy? 2) what's so manipulative about it? If you find the guy attractive you're going to give him your number anyway
You would never give your number out to 60 year old gay man who was just friendly. For the most part woman want a man with 'ulterior motives' wink wink (as long as he's attractive of course)
So I find you attractive and I'd like to buy you coffee; 1) that makes me creepy? 2) what's so manipulative about it? If you find the guy attractive you're going to give him your number anyway
You would never give your number out to 60 year old gay man who was just friendly. For the most part woman want a man with 'ulterior motives' wink wink (as long as he's attractive of course)
Actually, I gave my card to a 50-ish gay man recently. Turns out we were in similar fields and knew some of the same people. He is a new addition to my social orbit. Potential source of new friends and clients.
To answer your first question, I would not find you necessarily "creepy" if you approached me with that line, but it the awkward impulsiveness about it would definitely make me uncomfortable and get my protective instincts tingling. Basically, you are telling me, "Hey I have been watching you, and even though I don't know if you are married, gay, deaf, stupid as a box of hair, or any of those things, I am going to hit on you strictly because of how you look. Oh, and who I am doesn't matter so I won't even bother warming up with conversation or revealing anything about myself beforehand. All that matters is what I want."
No matter how good looking, that clumsy, self-centered "approacher" isn't getting my number. So I predict the next scene will be him grumbling on the internet about how he was "brutally rejected" by some "entitled female."
To answer your first question, I would not find you necessarily "creepy" if you approached me with that line,
maybe i'm missing something but what line? The OP simply asked if it was okay to ask for a number/coffee date if the conversation goes well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
"Hey I [noticed you], and even though I don't know if you are married, gay, deaf, stupid as a box of hair, or any of those things, I am going to hit on you strictly because of how you look. Oh, and who I am doesn't matter so I won't even bother warming up with conversation or revealing anything about myself beforehand. All that matters is what I want."
To be fair...this is how nature works 99% of the time. Of course we don't care about your marital status, your intelligence, your sexual orientation..we don't know you! If a problem arises we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. We like your looks and we'd like to talk to you, that's all!
To be fair...this is how nature works 99% of the time. Of course we don't care about your marital status, your intelligence, your sexual orientation..we don't know you! If a problem arises we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. We like your looks and we'd like to talk to you, that's all!
A woman is telling you how that approach makes her feel, and you're arguing her feelings?
In the dating world, you need to care about the impression you're creating and how you're being perceived by another, just as much, if not more so, than how you feel and what you're hoping to get from that person.
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