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Move on for the sake of the children. Children get attached and the disappearing act hurts them deeply. The relationship is not just about you and her. It is about you, her and her children. Move on, save the children the heartache.
... I was the one who broke up with her in October, because I felt it was the right thing to do, so obviously I wasn't afraid to end a relationship. We got back together two months later, and believe it or not, she asked me twice if I wanted to come back, and I hesitated to even answer her because I knew why I broke up with her.
Maybe the lesson to be learned is to stick with a decision. Don't blame HER for your waffling.
Dude you just don't get it. You keep bringing up the fact that you broke up with her before, so why can't you break up with her now and be done with it? It's irrelevant to bring up a previous break up as to show evidence of your ability to be done with her, when you are still with her today. You continue to speak about that break up is sort of like extra details that only serve to work around and distract from the central issue at hand. The bottom line is that you CHOSE and CHOOSE to be in a relationship with a mother of 4, knowing that is essentially a pointless relationship that does nothing for either of you beyond further demonstrating that both of you have some clear internal and emotional problems that need to be resolved. You can't seem to grasp your role in this situation and she can't seem to grasp the sense and strength as a mother to stop dating someone who does not accept such an integral part of her and who wants no future with her.
It doesn't matter if she keeps taking you back or asking you back, you have the power to make decisions about your life and you need to OWN the part you played in this situation when you knowingly dated someone who's life choices were a problem to you. No one forced you to date her. To hang around her kids. To carry on with this charade of "love" as long as you have. This is all YOU. Stop being a victim that just so happened to date a single mom that won't let you go and OWN the poor decision you made when you went along with this and pulled her and her children along. Be done. Move on. Let it go.
I did have other options before I met her, during the breakup, and even after we got back together. The one time I cheated on her was at a party a couple days after New Year's Day where a friend of mine from work came on to me. She stood next to me most of the time, put her arm around me, and held my arm asking me what gym I go to. No I didn't have sex with the other woman, but I did kiss her numerous times on her lips and on her breasts. The other woman knew that I got back together with my current girlfriend after the breakup, but she was hoping that I would date her. This woman came on to me when we were both drunk, and this woman is 12 years younger than me. I confessed to my girlfriend about it, and she told me to not let it happen again. The point is that I had other women who were interested in me, and I was not desperate by any means. But I am still in love with my current girlfriend.
Well, all this says is that you are a very selfish person. You put what you want ahead of her even if you know what are doing will ending up hurting your GF in the long run, which is secondary to the fact that you will be having a negative impact on 4 children.
I think you keep asking why she stays with you so you can place the blame on her for staying when she knows you'll never marry her.
The blame is on both of you. You both sound selfish and will take whatever you want for the moment with no regard to the long term. It wouldn't bother me much if there weren't children involved. I could care less if adults want to mess up their lives, but when you knowingly mess up children's, that's a different story.
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Well, all this says is that you are a very selfish person. .
.. It wouldn't bother me much if there weren't children involved. I could care less if adults want to mess up their lives, but when you knowingly mess up children's, that's a different story.
Honestly, I just wanted advice on what I should do. I didn't want people to call me a coward or judge me. For God's sake, I am not even the father of any of her kids. 2 of the 3 fathers of the children are still alive but not even in the children's lives (one of the fathers was her ex-husband whom she divorced but later passed away). The real coward is the father who left her when she was pregnant with his child. The guy never came back to her, and he never saw his child, leaving the child fatherless. That guy is the real coward whether anyone on this forum admits it or not. But people on here are blasting me as if I am the devil, but I am just someone who is just dating a single mom of 4 kids. I was always honest with her when I said that I would never marry someone who has a large family of kids who are not mine. Obviously I am not a coward if I was the one who broke up with her in October, because I felt it was the right thing to do, so obviously I wasn't afraid to end a relationship. We got back together two months later, and believe it or not, she asked me twice if I wanted to come back, and I hesitated to even answer her because I knew why I broke up with her. If she didn't want me even after she knew where I stood on all this, I wouldn't still be with her after 7 months!
You don't want to be judge, but your approach in the relationship is judging you. You don't expect people to call you sacred for dating a woman with kids? You're looking for advice on WHAT to do and people have given plenty but still leave you clueless. BTW, your OP question is WHY she still date you?
To make it clearer, the many possibilities that she's still dating you, because she has no other better options in her mind, she doesn't mind dating you while you look for someone you will marry lasts, she hopes time will eventually change your mind on marrying her and the kids, she wasn't looking for another marriage after all etc. The best way to find out is ask her personally.
You claimed to love her, but cannot accept the kids. Only you know what you should do- woman you love with kids, or love another woman without kids. Since you've been upfront to her about marry, either you be determine to cut it off knowing she'll never be the woman you marry. Or straight up tell her what to expect if it doesn't work out, meaning you meet another girl you could love and marry. You both need to decide if this relationship is worth continue on.
You don't want to be judge, but your approach in the relationship is judging you. You don't expect people to call you sacred for dating a woman with kids? You're looking for advice on WHAT to do and people have given plenty but still leave you clueless. BTW, your OP question is WHY she still date you?
To make it clearer, the many possibilities that she's still dating you, because she has no other better options in her mind, she doesn't mind dating you while you look for someone you will marry lasts, she hopes time will eventually change your mind on marrying her and the kids, she wasn't looking for another marriage after all etc. The best way to find out is ask her personally.
You claimed to love her, but cannot accept the kids. Only you know what you should do- woman you love with kids, or love another woman without kids. Since you've been upfront to her about marry, either you be determine to cut it off knowing she'll never be the woman you marry. Or straight up tell her what to expect if it doesn't work out, meaning you meet another girl you could love and marry. You both need to decide if this relationship is worth continue on.
You must not know this posters history on this subject. He has posted many threads about this woman and her kids. It's always the same thing, he lives her, she loves him, but he ain't playing daddy to kids that aren't his, he ain't marrying a "damaged single mom". And yet... He stays with her. It makes no sense to any of us and we always give him the same advice. He clearly does not think this woman is worth it which is why he does not accept her. So at this point there isn't a need for them to figure out if they should continue on--he's already made if clear that he can not move forward because of her children. So why waste time?
The poster is using this woman as a way to validate his ego because she wants him and is constantly asking him back or asking him to hang out. It's also probably nice for him to be with her as opposed to being alone. And of course she is staying because she feels limited and like she can't do matter. Both of them clearly haven't considered the damage this is doing to her kids.
Honestly, I just wanted advice on what I should do. I didn't want people to call me a coward or judge me. For God's sake, I am not even the father of any of her kids. 2 of the 3 fathers of the children are still alive but not even in the children's lives (one of the fathers was her ex-husband whom she divorced but later passed away). The real coward is the father who left her when she was pregnant with his child. The guy never came back to her, and he never saw his child, leaving the child fatherless. That guy is the real coward whether anyone on this forum admits it or not. But people on here are blasting me as if I am the devil, but I am just someone who is just dating a single mom of 4 kids. I was always honest with her when I said that I would never marry someone who has a large family of kids who are not mine. Obviously I am not a coward if I was the one who broke up with her in October, because I felt it was the right thing to do, so obviously I wasn't afraid to end a relationship. We got back together two months later, and believe it or not, she asked me twice if I wanted to come back, and I hesitated to even answer her because I knew why I broke up with her. If she didn't want me even after she knew where I stood on all this, I wouldn't still be with her after 7 months!
You just should have stayed broken up with her. In your above post, you seem highly judgmental of her situation that really doesn't have anything to do with you, since it happened before she met you. She knows everything that has happened in her family's history, what good is it doing for you to re-iterate it, especially since the deepest you want to get in involved in the family is to date the mother. The mother, trying to be the best one she can be is looking for a loving stepfather for her children and a husband for herself. By definition that has to be a man who is going to stick around permanently. You have stated several times, your life plan is to find a woman without children and start a family with her. If you're causing disruption in an already troubled/at-risk family...you may not be the devil but you are certainly no angel. You are thinking of yourself and your own foolish short-sighted whims. Did she force you to return to her? You could have said no. Or do you just want to feel like a hero for a little bit, and the hell with innocent children who are about to get hurt by feeling abandoned. The fathers are out of the picture..they don't figure in this. You are there right now. And this thread is about your behavior, actions and attitude.
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