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My girlfriend invited me numerous times to visit her and her children. She wanted me to come over. I did have other options, but I still have feelings for her.
Even with her invitation, you could have politely declined the involvement with her kids. You knew pretty much you weren't going to stick around...and kids in their formative years with a broken home already under their belts are susceptible to attachment and abandonment issues anyway. You bring up having feelings for her. So your feelings for her trumps her children's need for stability and good mental health? And so, you may be a very good man, but as a loving stepfather, your capabilities would be very limited, partly based on your assertion that you want your own children to raise, not someone else's. the kind of man your friend needs in her life is one who can love another man's children as his own. That is not who you are. Are your feelings for her supposed to persuade her to stop looking for the man who can love her and her kids as they deserve to be loved?
She's lonely and desperate. She wants to get married, but knows she's "damaged goods," so she's holding onto whatever she can get (you). She hopes that you'll eventually change your mind as you grow to "love" her and the children.
I can understand her behavior. But I can't understand yours. If you do not have serious intentions toward her, leave her alone. You're giving her false hopes.
Staying involved with this woman will only result in problems for you.
The only thing that makes sense is that OP has very limited options beyond this woman.
I did have other options before I met her, during the breakup, and even after we got back together. The one time I cheated on her was at a party a couple days after New Year's Day where a friend of mine from work came on to me. She stood next to me most of the time, put her arm around me, and held my arm asking me what gym I go to. No I didn't have sex with the other woman, but I did kiss her numerous times on her lips and on her breasts. The other woman knew that I got back together with my current girlfriend after the breakup, but she was hoping that I would date her. This woman came on to me when we were both drunk, and this woman is 12 years younger than me. I confessed to my girlfriend about it, and she told me to not let it happen again. The point is that I had other women who were interested in me, and I was not desperate by any means. But I am still in love with my current girlfriend.
Even with her invitation, you could have politely declined the involvement with her kids. You knew pretty much you weren't going to stick around...and kids in their formative years with a broken home already under their belts are susceptible to attachment and abandonment issues anyway. You bring up having feelings for her. So your feelings for her trumps her children's need for stability and good mental health? And so, you may be a very good man, but as a loving stepfather, your capabilities would be very limited, partly based on your assertion that you want your own children to raise, not someone else's. the kind of man your friend needs in her life is one who can love another man's children as his own. That is not who you are. Are your feelings for her supposed to persuade her to stop looking for the man who can love her and her kids as they deserve to be loved?
^^^^This. This isn't just about you, OP, this is about 6 people, 4 of whom have no control in this situation and are helpless victims of the adults and their selfish choices.
^^^^This. This isn't just about you, OP, this is about 6 people, 4 of whom have no control in this situation and are helpless victims of the adults and their selfish choices.
I can just meet her and minimize interaction with her kids in the future. I usually only visit her a few times a week anyway. But how can we go about this especially when she is at home most of the time, she sometimes invites me to meet her and the kids when they go places, and she sometimes tells me that her youngest child wants me to come over?
I can just meet her and minimize interaction with the kids in the future. I only visit her a couple times a week anyway. But how can we go about this especially when she is at home most of the time, she invites me to spend time with the kids, and she sometimes tells me that her youngest child wants me to come over?
How about not going about it at all and ending things? There's a thought!
Even if you do love her, it's not fair to anyone involved if you continue with her.
I can just meet her and minimize interaction with her kids in the future. I usually only visit her a few times a week anyway. But how can we go about this especially when she is at home most of the time, she sometimes invites me to meet her and the kids when they go places, and she sometimes tells me that her youngest child wants me to come over?
All irrelevant. This situation is an example of something that is not necessarily wrong morally but extremely non-beneficial to innocent parties involved (the children) You need to do the honorable thing and let her go and stop contact with the kids. Why do you insist on continuing? Are the woman, her kids or both, sources of narcissistic supply for you? If you don't want this woman, why are you trying to stop her finding someone who does want her? And when you decide you have had enough of whatever is going on here, are you just going to bounce, take off and leave the children's mother to explain things? That's sh**tty. Find a woman with no kids who doesn't want to marry. I guess there would be no "challenge" in that, though.
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