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Davros, this isn't complicated. Harassment is ongoing, unwanted attention. That's a pretty good legal and also everyday definition. "Ongoing" meaning that even polite attention or interest that is repeated could be considered harassment. Take no for an answer. Take nonverbal no's, like someone averting her glance quickly when you look at her, not smiling in response to a smile from you, or more overt non verbals like turning away from you, as being as meaningful as a verbal "no". If you're trying to show interest and you're getting those responses, she's not reciprocating your interest.
Obviously, rude, profane, obnoxious behavior is wrong the first time. Someone has said that "good looking guys can blah-blah-blah". Someone will repeat that sentiment. Ignore that. I'm pretty close to certain that the kind of woman you might want to meet would not respond well to that act. And besides, being a dick sometimes "works" in a lot of contexts, but that's no excuse for being a dick. Ends, means, and all that.
Finally, you sound confused or conflicted about what you call "staring". I don't buy your confusion and I see no real conflict. I'm going to join the chorus suggesting you can and should stop staring. Your responses to suggestions that you just stop staring aren't very convincing. Staring is an entirely volitional act. You choose to do it. Make a better choice.
Amended: I'm assuming that you don't have Parkinson's, MS, or some other neurological disorder where staring is a genuine symptom.
Well, I don't think I've been unfairly judgmental.
Look, your POV seems to rest on 2 basic assumptions, both of which I find highly suspect:
1) That the line between attention and harassment is incredibly subtle and subjective.
2) That women are strongly inclined to overreact and accuse men of harassment when nothing of the sort occurred.
I've worked in law offices that dealt with sexual harassment accusations. I know from my professional experience that harassment is usually anything but subtle or subjective, and that most women are incredibly reluctant to accuse anyone of sexual harassment. They know full well most people--especially their male co-workers--will usually role their eyes and accuse them of overeating. I've seen it countless times.
I stand by my statement that #1 can be true.
I've never claimed #2.
I would never do the kind of sexual harassment that would get me accused of it. Only the kind that might make some women uncomfortable. I don't want to do that anymore, so this thread was supposed to be about finding out exactly what is harassment. Instead it became all about me somehow.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Davros
I stand by my statement that #1 can be true.
If you really believe this, the solution for you is very simple. Err very much on the non creepy / non harassing side of the behavior spectrum. Play it very very conservative.
Aren't you tired of just fantasizing? Don't you want to experience these things you fantasize about for real? Does this not compell you to do something more?
I wish I could understand why people enjoy fantasizing so much.
If you really believe this, the solution for you is very simple. Err very much on the non creepy / non harassing side of the behavior spectrum. Play it very very conservative.
There will be no problems.
That means get rid of my sexuality. Explain how it doesn't mean that.
Aren't you tired of just fantasizing? Don't you want to experience these things you fantasize about for real? Does this not compell you to do something more?
I wish I could understand why people enjoy fantasizing so much.
Your sexuality is based on making women feel uncomfortable? That's what we're talking about here.
No it isn't. My sexuality is based on looking at and visualizing women. If I do that using media, it gets me in bad habits for the real world.
I very much don't want to make women uncomfortable.
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