Allwomen: What's the difference between attention and harassment? (lesbian, husband, emotionally)
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I agree with what you're saying here, but like so often, people are talking past each other.
What many men are saying is that if she finds him attractive, the action won't be considered harassment. That is somewhat obvious, because the attention is wanted, not unwanted. And harassment by definition is unwanted.
It is far too nuanced for this (rather juvenile) board, but there is a difference between an objectively attractive individual (of either gender) and a person someone is attracted to. That's a thread of its own and would quickly devolve, so it isn't worth having.
Thankfully, I think most people are able to pick up on if their attention is unwanted or wanted, and if it is unwanted to quickly cease their actions. The problems are with the clueless shmucks that can't tell it is unwanted (which is just sad), and the real jerks, the ones that simply don't care.
and yes it's only "she"... "he" can not be harassed.
Might want to read up on the subject... stuff like this happens to men too:
Quote:
“There was a while where I had a pink umbrella I got at the Cherry Blossom Festival,” one man said, “and I would carry it around because it’s a goddamn umbrella and who cares, but apparently plenty of people care. A guy by the bus stop around the corner from my apartment even threatened to rape me with it … I changed my bus route.”
Quote:
65 percent of women and 25 percent of men reported experiencing public harassment in their lifetimes... Seventy percent of female victims and 48 percent of male ones reported being harassed by a lone man; 38 percent of the women and 25 percent of the men reported being harassed by a group of men; and 20 percent of male victims reported being harassed by a lone woman.
I agree with what you're saying here, but like so often, people are talking past each other.
What many men are saying is that if she finds him attractive, the action won't be considered harassment. That is somewhat obvious, because the attention is wanted, not unwanted. And harassment by definition is unwanted.
It is far too nuanced for this (rather juvenile) board, but there is a difference between an objectively attractive individual (of either gender) (I'm using attractive here as a synonym for physical attraction (they're of course, not really the same)) and a person someone is attracted to. That's a thread of its own and would quickly devolve, so it isn't worth having.
Thankfully, I think most people are able to pick up on if their attention is unwanted or wanted, and if it is unwanted to quickly cease their actions. The problems are with the clueless shmucks that can't tell it is unwanted (which is just sad), and the real jerks, the ones that simply don't care.
I get what you are saying but the thing is that people can still be harassed by people that they are attracted to. The attraction usually ends at that point in time - but you can be attracted to someone but their actions could still make you feel unsafe and uncomfortable. Think about date rape. Women are out on a date with someone they are attracted to but they are still not ready to have sex. It doesn't have anything to do with being attracted or not attracted to the person.
If a woman finds a man attractive she wont consider it harassment. Attractive is not just looks ( according to women ), its also attitude and personality. Attractive men approaching is not harassment.
What if the attractive man is approaching a lesbian? Safe to say, she's not interested. And if he persists after being told NO, then he's harassing her.
What if the attractive man is approaching a lesbian? Safe to say, she's not interested. And if he persists after being told NO, then he's harassing her.
Of course it is. And if shes a lesbian he is not attractive to her. Hence harassment.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
you can be attracted to someone but their actions could still make you feel unsafe and uncomfortable
If you say so, I don't know how a mentally and emotionally healthy person could find themselves in this situation. It would be pretty darn hard to be attracted to someone making me feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Attraction and being pissed off don't generally go hand and hand.
I'll be sure to pass that on to all the men who have been harassed, molested, and raped.
Harassment is about forcing your attention on a person who does not want it. It's about dominance not sexual attraction.
A regular guy will approach a woman and flirt or whatever. When he finds she is interested or not, he responds appropriately.
A harasser will ignore what their prey says and does, because they want to impose their will on that person.
I used the word prey because, IMO they see women as something to conquer and dominate.
I sincerely hope that many of the males on here, who are defending harassers are just young and naive. It is very unsettling to read posters saying that if a guy is hot enough he won't be harassing girls. I have been harassed by so e very attractive men, and that did not change that they harassed me and I didn't like it.
No one is defending harassment and i dont know how rape was even brought up. Attractiveness varies and if the attention is welcome then its not harassment. Anything else is.
And when is harassment or her just playing hard to get and she likes persistant men? Ive heard some say they were turned off by a guy because she told him no once and he left her alone?
Of course it is. And if shes a lesbian he is not attractive to her. Hence harassment.
Exactly. It doesn't matter how attractive the man is, or how attractive the woman is. Attractiveness isn't a significant factor. The deciding factor is if the attention is unwanted. A woman doesn't have to spell it out that the attention is unwanted. And women don't want to initiate confrontations with someone who's bigger, stronger, and potentially threatening. So as a society we rely on more subtle cues. If a person is oblivious to the subtext of an interaction, then people tend to get more overt about telling them to "get lost".
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Again, people are mixing up (using interchangeably) how attractive a person is (objectively) and how attracted a person is to someone. Two very different things.
Exactly. It doesn't matter how attractive the man is, or how attractive the woman is. Attractiveness isn't a significant factor. The deciding factor is if the attention is unwanted. A woman doesn't have to spell it out that the attention is unwanted. And women don't want to initiate confrontations with someone who's bigger, stronger, and potentially threatening. So as a society we rely on more subtle cues. If a person is oblivious to the subtext of an interaction, then people tend to get more overt about telling them to "get lost".
Youre not understanding me. He might be conventionally attractive to heterosexual women, but lesbians dont find him sexually attractive. Im talking about attractiveness to the person being pursued which varies from person to person. To a lesbian he might as well be conventionally ugly because there is no spark for her
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