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I had women friends in college and the same with my female coworkers. As I said before I am a photographer and I belong to a photo arts group at a local art association. I know the women there but most are older than me. The one that's my age is married and has kids. We get along well. We were both part of a gallery tour/ shoot in NYC led by a RISD professor.
In 25 years, that's all you've done to get out there and try to meet women? Participate in a photo arts group, and go on shoots? I can tell you why "it hasn't happened yet" and you haven't met anyone. It's not because women don't find you attractive. It's because you're not looking for opportunities to meet women. You're not doing much to put yourself in environments where you can get to know women. It takes more than going to work, and joining one group or association, or whatever. It sounds like maybe you just haven't been motivated enough to try. Maybe it's just never been a priority for you.
I think the older a man gets the more things change for him, of course the looks go downhill and if he doesn't work hard to stay in good shape and health then forget about it.
In 25 years, that's all you've done to get out there and try to meet women? Participate in a photo arts group, and go on shoots? I can tell you why "it hasn't happened yet" and you haven't met anyone. It's not because women don't find you attractive. It's because you're not looking for opportunities to meet women. You're not doing much to put yourself in environments where you can get to know women. It takes more than going to work, and joining one group or association, or whatever. It sounds like maybe you just haven't been motivated enough to try. Maybe it's just never been a priority for you.
So what would you have me do? I do things that I enjoy such as photography and running races. For years I thought it was impossible so you're right there was no motivation.
Great observation! Doing a cold approach is pretty awful. I can't even imagine doing that.
It's much better (as you said) to do activities with people. Getting to know women as friends is a far comfortable way to get to know women.
Neither is really good. Cold approaches are good for good looking guys, but then again, so is friends first.
Friends, to me, means you care about that person somewhat. A rapport has been built over some time. At that point, biting the bullet is going to be tough and rejection is going to be painful. It's that type of repeated rejection by people 'you know and like' that creates bitterness.
And the person who gets rejected during friends first approach is usually a person who does not get all that much attention easily.
The best approach is 'acquaintances first'. Coined just today! Warm up to them a bit and get some conversation in. It could be anywhere from a few weeks to half an hour, but the key is to ask before you really know them. My suggestion.
I think the older a man gets the more things change for him, of course the looks go downhill and if he doesn't work hard to stay in good shape and health then forget about it.
You certainly aren't describing me. I am in the best shape of my life. I look like I am in my late thirties, full head of hair and very little gray. 140 pounds..
So what would you have me do? I do things that I enjoy such as photography and running races. For years I thought it was impossible so you're right there was no motivation.
What if you were wrong all those years? But those years are gone now?
Here's a thought. I wonder if some of the guys who decide it's impossible, or no one could possibly be interested in them, or "it's too much work" are guys who have a tendency to isolate themselves? Maybe there's something in how their parents related to them as kids that caused a pattern of behavior? So you run races, that's good, there must be women racing, too? Do you ever try to talk to them, and get some rapport going? Or do you assume they're focussed on the race and they don't want to talk? (That's what I mean about isolating, vs. taking opportunities for some social moments.)
What if you were wrong all those years? But those years are gone now?
Here's a thought. I wonder if some of the guys who decide it's impossible, or no one could possibly be interested in them, or "it's too much work" are guys who have a tendency to isolate themselves? Maybe there's something in how their parents related to them as kids that caused a pattern of behavior? So you run races, that's good, there must be women racing, too? Do you ever try to talk to them, and get some rapport going? Or do you assume they're focussed on the race and they don't want to talk? (That's what I mean about isolating, vs. taking opportunities for some social moments.)
Oh well, it was just a thought. Never mind.
I don't assume they are focussed. The expression on their faces is evident of that.
I isolate myself because I have severe social anxiety. Whether my parents had a role in creating that, that's possible.
Isolating myself is a very old habit of mine, and one I don't ever see changing. It's too hard. There's always one reason or another why people are going to despise me. Also, there are many things that social interaction brings that I fear: disease, bed bugs, fleas, ticks, chiggers, getting beaten up or worse by gang members, and so on. It's so much more comfortable to go home after work and be alone.
You certainly aren't describing me. I am in the best shape of my life. I look like I am in my late thirties, full head of hair and very little gray. 140 pounds..
Same with me I'm 34 and started working out a year ago and I'm in as good a shape as I've ever been and still no luck I guess my face is ugly
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What if you were wrong all those years? But those years are gone now?
You're depriving women of your company.