She only seems attractive half the time! How? (long-term, how to, marriages)
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Is there a typo in the bolded? You said she does put the same amount of effort into her presentation. So what's the problem exactly? Does she change her hairstyle? Change her clothing style? Stop wearing makeup? What's going on? At any rate, what you see is what you get. So either you like the package or you don't.
Would it make you happier if she wore the clothes/makeup/whatever that you like, all the time, if you know that underneath it she's different? What about when the relationship progresses (if that happens), and you see her nude, without the clothes that make her look hot? What about if you see her get out of the shower, makeup-free, enhancing bra-free, etc. At what point do you decide you aren't into her?
You said you enjoy your time with her. Same values, good convos. And she looks good about 1/2 the time? If that's not enough for you, let her go.
It was a typo. I meant to imply she does not put in the same amount of effort. I understand people get comfortable over time.
Do you all find your mates to be beautiful/handsome all the time?
I struggle to assess the role of physical attraction in relationships. Obviously, some of us are more fortunate than others in this department. We all aren't models, including myself. At the same time, we are always told not to settle. This has created a paradox in my head that I can't sort out.
Is it better to consider the person as a whole, even if this requires acknowledging to yourself they aren't the most attractive person in he world? Clearly, some people are more fortunate in the intelligence, responsibility, personality, and humor departments. Is this a more appropriate and realistic view?
I guess your style or lack there of can make a strong statement about who you are. It can convey a lot about the person, even if it's something you don't want it to.
It was a typo. I meant to imply she does not put in the same amount of effort. I understand people get comfortable over time.
Do you all find your mates to be beautiful/handsome all the time?
I struggle to assess the role of physical attraction in relationships. Obviously, some of us are more fortunate than others in this department. We all aren't models, including myself. At the same time, we are always told not to settle. This has created a paradox in my head that I can't sort out.
Is it better to consider the person as a whole, even if this requires acknowledging to yourself they aren't the most attractive person in he world? Clearly, some people are more fortunate in the intelligence, responsibility, personality, and humor departments. Is this a more appropriate and realistic view?
I guess your style or lack there of can make a strong statement about who you are. It can convey a lot about the person, even if it's something you don't want it to.
So it IS the same girl as in the other thread?
YES, it IS better to consider the person as a whole, since you may recall that human beings age over time and we don't all continue in the same exquisite state we currently inhabit.
But your perception of her appearance REALLY is a problem for you, and frankly it is NOT going to get any better. You need to figure this out quick.
You're going to have to expand on what, specifically, you find different about her from time to time? I used to do pageants, so as you can imagine I look one way all dolled up, then another when I'm just wearing sweats and a ponytail at home. At the end of the day though, I still have the same face and still look like myself... I don't really get what you mean. Did she stop wearing makeup or change her hair or something? Are you comparing her to other girls when you go out, and thinking she's less attractive compared to them? Does she dress up or down depending on the situation, and you just prefer her more "put together" look?
I did notice this occurs more when we are out and I see lots of other very attractive women. Her hair did change significantly, which did in turn sort of make her face look different. Maybe I'm just overthinking this after having the single mindset for so long.
We all aren't models, including myself. At the same time, we are always told not to settle. This has created a paradox in my head that I can't sort out.
Is it better to consider the person as a whole, even if this requires acknowledging to yourself they aren't the most attractive person in he world? Clearly, some people are more fortunate in the intelligence, responsibility, personality, and humor departments. Is this a more appropriate and realistic view?
I guess your style or lack there of can make a strong statement about who you are. It can convey a lot about the person, even if it's something you don't want it to.
Dude, idk. Most people fall in love with the whole package. If you're not happy with her for any reason, you're not in love, so maybe look for someone else. Of course you consider the person as a whole. What else are you going to do? Consider just her face and boobs? I don't understand that question. And most people don't need to be with the most attractive person in the world. If you fall for her intelligence, convos, and humor or affectionate nature, that often colors your perception of her looks, so she really starts to grow on you that way, too. Looks aren't everything, are they?
And what's "settling", exactly? What if you were able to date someone really gorgeous, but she had a lousy personality, or was dumb as a doornail, or had a potty-mouth? Would that be settling? What's your definition of "settling"? I don't worry about whether a gf is beautiful. That's not as important as her smarts, her sweetness, and other inner qualities. Average in looks is fine with me if she has a heart of gold, and is upbeat and positive.
Maybe this is a good time to think about your priorities, and re-order them. What's truly valuable in life? In 20 years, when you're both getting old, what will happen to those looks? How much more important will devotion, fortitude, a can-do attitude, a practical nature, and all that other good stuff be when you're both grey and dumpy?
I did notice this occurs more when we are out and I see lots of other very attractive women. Her hair did change significantly, which did in turn sort of make her face look different. Maybe I'm just overthinking this after having the single mindset for so long.
That can happen to people, dudes too. Some people don't know what their best look is. They mess with it too much, and try to fix something that ain't broken. I knew a guy who was kind of a babe magnet until he got a different haircut. The babes disappeared. True story.
Hmmm... You could be on to something here! If this is the case, how do I shake those thoughts?
Honestly, it would take a lot of maturing and becoming more truly yourself, which is not something you can do in a week. You will get there, but it would not be healthy for a girl to wait for that.
You've been seeing her for a few months. You are not in love. (The biology of love makes the person you love seem adorable and sexy to you all the time, even when they have the flu and are puking their guts out.)
I think it's time to tell her that you were hoping deeper feelings would grow, but they have not, and that you care about her and wish her well in life.
And then, when you are single, do some thinking about what you find attractive, and whether your desires embarrass you, and what that means.
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Consider just her face and boobs? I don't understand that question. And most people don't need to be with the most attractive person in the world. If you fall for her intelligence, convos, and humor or affectionate nature, that often colors your perception of her looks, so she really starts to grow on you that way, too. Looks aren't everything, are they? 
