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I've been dating a girl for the past couple months. She actually reached out to me from an online dating service. We have good conversations, similar values, and I usually enjoy my time with her.
At our first three dates she seemed very physically attractive, but since then her appearance has been quite variable. She definitely has put the same amount of effort into her presentation. Unfortunately, it's gotten to the point where she even seems unattractive. I feel really conflicted about it. I like her as a person but feel a little deceived. Has this ever happened to anyone? Have you ever dated someone whose appearance could vary drastically by their grooming habits/clothing?
It's really a head scratcher and I feel like crap. If you have any advice, please let me know!
Do you not like her style at times or is it that her clothes & makeup so greatly improve her that without their aid she is not attractive to you?
The latter is not really deception and the former is not necessarily deception either (as it can be a matter of being naive about what women look like due to unrealistic beauty ideals). Most people, including men, need the aid of good dress & grooming to be attractive at all, so it can be unrealistic to hold it against them if these aids improve their looks a lot.
In any case, if you don't find her physically attractive, then why continue dating her?
She deserves someone who finds her attractive, so it's not doing her a favor.
At our first three dates she seemed very physically attractive, but since then her appearance has been quite variable. She definitely has put the same amount of effort into her presentation. Unfortunately, it's gotten to the point where she even seems unattractive. I feel really conflicted about it. I like her as a person but feel a little deceived. Has this ever happened to anyone? Have you ever dated someone whose appearance could vary drastically by their grooming habits/clothing?
Is there a typo in the bolded? You said she does put the same amount of effort into her presentation. So what's the problem exactly? Does she change her hairstyle? Change her clothing style? Stop wearing makeup? What's going on? At any rate, what you see is what you get. So either you like the package or you don't.
Would it make you happier if she wore the clothes/makeup/whatever that you like, all the time, if you know that underneath it she's different? What about when the relationship progresses (if that happens), and you see her nude, without the clothes that make her look hot? What about if you see her get out of the shower, makeup-free, enhancing bra-free, etc. At what point do you decide you aren't into her?
You said you enjoy your time with her. Same values, good convos. And she looks good about 1/2 the time? If that's not enough for you, let her go.
Last edited by NewbiePoster; 07-29-2014 at 05:23 PM..
I've had the same trouble with someone I met. For me, it usually happens when we're out in public or around people at school/work where I look around before I see her.
When we're alone, there's nothing wrong with how she looks.
Maybe I'm just weird and this makes no sense at all.
Sometimes I wonder if some of these new members don't get their OP ideas from that show.
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