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She left several months back and has expressed no interest in counseling when I broach the subject.
Then you are left to go on your own. I would think a professional outside perspective would be helpful.
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Dude, your marriage is over. But you need to get yourself to a therapist so that you can figure out what your role in it was, how to move forward and how to protect and nurture your daughter.
Fallen asleep at a guys house at a party? And nothing happened??? Yeah, right. If you seriously don't believe something went on at that "friends" house I've got a nice piece of farmland to sell you in Siberia. I'd say the marriage is over, and you need to move on. The fact that she has been absent should help you get custody of your daughter, but don't count on it. Children are still overwhelmingly awarded custody to mothers by the courts, even when they are clearly not fit. It seems like she is more interested in partying and boozing it up rather than your marriage and daughter. And in response to the woman claiming misogyny, if this were reversed and it was a woman every woman would be telling her to divorce the no-good jerk immediately and taking him for all she can. You know this is true.
She is cheating for sure. A friend of mine was in similar situation when his wife went to the gym 3 times a week, 2 to 3 hours each time. It turned out that she was sleeping with someone she met at the gym. She was lying to him constantly and he finally found out by logging into her iphone google maps and set up tracking location enabled. He caught them.
He is now seeing someone else. She was dumped by that guy after the divorce. Trust your instinct. Once she crossed the moral boundaries, she will cross them again. She is probably unhappy with you anyway. You won't change and she won't change so whatever causes her to be unhappy will always be there. You should talk to a family therapist but I doubt that your marriage can survive this. I filed for divorce against my wife and it was the best thing for both of us. We had an entirely different problem but at the end we were arguing every day and the stress was unbearable. I am a single dad now and sometimes I feel lonely but it is 10 times better than a bad marriage. Once trust is gone, it is over.
I agree with the OP's wife. If the trust isn't there, there's no point in staying married. If you don't trust her, OP, why are you so bothered she left? Do you honestly thought she will put up with your incessant inquiries like a recycling plant over and over and over.... you get my drift?
I have been with my wife for 10+ years. We have been married for 3 of those years, and we have a daughter who is five. It all started about a year ago when she never made it home from a party. When I initially questioned her, which I feel was warranted, she lied to me. She even went so far as to call me crazy for questioning her actions. The truth eventually came out and she had fallen asleep at a guys house with one of her friends. She swore repeatedly that nothing had happened and it was a mistake. Since then I have caught her in numerous lies, at least once a month, not all of the same nature.(But Some) I have lost complete trust in her. She told me that the marriage will not work with no trust, so she packed her things and left. She left me with our daughter and comes around a couple times a week to spend a few hours with her. I know I am culpable in the deterioration of our marriage and I am not putting all the blame on her. My question: Am I taking the trust thing too far? Should I take her word for it? In the back of my mind I question everything she tells me.
It's her job to re-establish trust after having lied to you, and also having stayed out all night at a guy's house. It's possible nothing happened, as she said. But still, she lied to you, and has continued lying to you. (If what you say is true.)
Have you asked her to go to counseling with you?
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