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I have been with my wife for 10+ years. We have been married for 3 of those years, and we have a daughter who is five. It all started about a year ago when she never made it home from a party. When I initially questioned her, which I feel was warranted, she lied to me. She even went so far as to call me crazy for questioning her actions. The truth eventually came out and she had fallen asleep at a guys house with one of her friends. She swore repeatedly that nothing had happened and it was a mistake. Since then I have caught her in numerous lies, at least once a month, not all of the same nature.(But Some) I have lost complete trust in her. She told me that the marriage will not work with no trust, so she packed her things and left. She left me with our daughter and comes around a couple times a week to spend a few hours with her. I know I am culpable in the deterioration of our marriage and I am not putting all the blame on her. My question: Am I taking the trust thing too far? Should I take her word for it? In the back of my mind I question everything she tells me.
I have been with my wife for 10+ years. We have been married for 3 of those years, and we have a daughter who is five. It all started about a year ago when she never made it home from a party. When I initially questioned her, which I feel was warranted, she lied to me. She even went so far as to call me crazy for questioning her actions. The truth eventually came out and she had fallen asleep at a guys house with one of her friends. She swore repeatedly that nothing had happened and it was a mistake. Since then I have caught her in numerous lies, at least once a month, not all of the same nature.(But Some) I have lost complete trust in her. She told me that the marriage will not work with no trust, so she packed her things and left. She left me with our daughter and comes around a couple times a week to spend a few hours with her. I know I am culpable in the deterioration of our marriage and I am not putting all the blame on her. My question: Am I taking the trust thing too far? Should I take her word for it? In the back of my mind I question everything she tells me.
So basically she cheated on you and continues to lie, but blames you for not trusting her? Get a divorce. She's trash.
OP, what a tragic situation. This problem is too fresh and too personal to bring to this forum. There are a lot of people here who are outspoken but ignorant. I would think it would be wise to take this pain and this issue to a professional. With or without the mother of your daughter.
You will get much better advice and more knowledgeable advice than you will probably get here on CD.
Again, I am sorry for this tragedy. And for your wife's decision to do what she is doing.
Whether she cheated, or whether you are having paranoid delusions, I don't know. Either way, the marriage won't survive without help. Have you considered therapy? If she does not want to go, you can go alone.
Be warned that most men on this site have never been in a relationship (let alone married) and get their ideas from misogyny forums. Take anything you hear here about divorce and courts with a tew tons of salt. They are not speaking about real life.
Be warned that most men on this site have never been in a relationship (let alone married) and get their ideas from misogyny forums. Take anything you hear here about divorce and courts with a tew tons of salt. They are not speaking about real life.
I'd give the same advice to a woman in the same situation with a man. You're the one who is biased, not us.
I appreciate the response. The issue of cheating is not really what I am so concerned about. I have no tangible evidence that she did. I do believe her spending the night at a man's house is inappropriate regardless of what occurred. My issue is the constant lying.
I appreciate the response. The issue of cheating is not really what I am so concerned about. I have no tangible evidence that she did. I do believe her spending the night at a man's house is inappropriate regardless of what occurred. My issue is the constant lying.
Why do you think she is lying? Lying is used to hide things, and I don't think hiding things is in the best interest of a happy marriage.
Would she be open to counseling?
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Esushi, if you are looking for a place where people will take your side of the story and confirm your feeling that you can't trust her, you've come to the right place.
We are quite good at it. But, we only have a limited amount of information. From what you've said, no you can't trust her. But, I still stand behind trying going to counseling with or without her.
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