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Meh, I would say that the marriage is over. She's made no attempts to fix it, and the fact that she left you a few weeks ago, as well as your 5 year old daughter, and only comes by to spend a few days with the daughter is very telling. I'm thinking that she wants to have fun right now--party, sleep with men, and not have any responsibilities, constraints(a child, or husband) or expectations(as a marriage partner and a full-time mother). Leaving the marriage, and leaving your child, helps that. She might not have done anything with that guy and might be honest, but as a parent, and as a partner prior to sleeping over at ANYONES home she needs to let you know... And you need to be able to contact her. The fact that this was not the case, is an issue. In other words, when that happened, amongst other things, those were the first few signs of her checking out of the marriage. She has not done anything to *fix it* and seems content with being a part time parent(giving you the full custody) and not being married to you(hence the seperation).
I would say that you need to protect yourself. Ask her again if she wants to do counseling, if she does not, then I would talk to a lawyer, find out what your rights are as a parent(since clearly she wants you to have full custody) and find out what the implications would be if you were to divorce.
I must ask, why are you giving such advice? Where do you get your information that most men on this forum have never been in a relationship? If you are going to give advice, the least you can do is be truthful and helpful. I know you are not insane, but these words you have written are just beyond reasonable. Sorry, you are just not making good sense in my opinion.
there is a lot of kids on this forum who - after 1,000 or so relationship posts - open a thread about being a virgin or asking why they can't get a gfor somehow else finally reveal they have never dated - so do you really want serious relationship from an inexperienced 20 year old who needs advice asking a girl out?
Nila is right.
OP, do you WANT your wife back? Does she WANT you back? Or do you just need closure in finding out what is going on, why she is lying?
I have been with my wife for 10+ years. We have been married for 3 of those years, and we have a daughter who is five. It all started about a year ago when she never made it home from a party. When I initially questioned her, which I feel was warranted, she lied to me. She even went so far as to call me crazy for questioning her actions. The truth eventually came out and she had fallen asleep at a guys house with one of her friends. She swore repeatedly that nothing had happened and it was a mistake. Since then I have caught her in numerous lies, at least once a month, not all of the same nature.(But Some) I have lost complete trust in her. She told me that the marriage will not work with no trust, so she packed her things and left. She left me with our daughter and comes around a couple times a week to spend a few hours with her. I know I am culpable in the deterioration of our marriage and I am not putting all the blame on her. My question: Am I taking the trust thing too far? Should I take her word for it? In the back of my mind I question everything she tells me.
Well, I am not aware of the exact details of the trust thing that was broken.
I do know that only relationships where trust is maintained can last. I was in a situation with my ex, where i stayed with her for years after some major lies had been told to me. She had gotten pregnant, so we stayed together. I left her 3 years later. It just didn't work, and while we are both good roommates and left the other alone so that we put on a good face for others, we weren't really a good couple anymore. I could never get over the lies myself, as there had been so many, and so many big ones.
Was she alone in the fault of our breakup? No. After she had lied to me about going to school for two years, I started to cheat on her. It was Florida, I had single friends, I had a good time. I felt there was nothing wrong with it, filling my head with things like "payback" and "its only fair". None of which was true. I betrayed her trust, she had betrayed mine, nothing works after that if you can't move on.
So I moved on, she did not.
The moral of the story is, you have to let this go, start new, and trust her 100%. If you believe you are incapable of this because she continues to do it, then she has an issue and you should seek counseling for her, or you are going to have to move on.
It sounds like she decided to move on, and its likely she has been hiding more from you. Just my opinion, like I said, I don't know y'all well enough to make direct statements.
there is a lot of kids on this forum who - after 1,000 or so relationship posts - open a thread about being a virgin or asking why they can't get a gfor somehow else finally reveal they have never dated - so do you really want serious relationship from an inexperienced 20 year old who needs advice asking a girl out?
Nila is right.
OP, do you WANT your wife back? Does she WANT you back? Or do you just need closure in finding out what is going on, why she is lying?
I'm a long damn way from being 20 years old! I've probably been married to my second wife longer than you have lived, judging by the picture of you in your profile. Nila doesn't know what she is talking about, and apparently neither do you, you admit in your profile that you are "still learning". I know we have only heard one side of the OP's story, but I'm guessing he is pretty close to being right on target. The only thing I doubt is that "nothing happened" that night, and I have strong suspicions that something probably happened several times before that night. My ex wife covered up three affairs from me, one of them lasted over two years and I never would have found out if the guilt wouldn't have gotten to her. I didn't watch every move she made, I never checked up on her, I always believed what she told me until I found out she could look me in the eye and lie with a straight face. When we finally got to court she took me for everything I had, including my business, the court didn't care about her escapades, she lied in court and got away with it because I couldn't prove otherwise.
I'm a long damn way from being 20 years old! I've probably been married to my second wife longer than you have lived, judging by the picture of you in your profile. Nila doesn't know what she is talking about, and apparently neither do you, you admit in your profile that you are "still learning". I know we have only heard one side of the OP's story, but I'm guessing he is pretty close to being right on target. The only thing I doubt is that "nothing happened" that night, and I have strong suspicions that something probably happened several times before that night. My ex wife covered up three affairs from me, one of them lasted over two years and I never would have found out if the guilt wouldn't have gotten to her. I didn't watch every move she made, I never checked up on her, I always believed what she told me until I found out she could look me in the eye and lie with a straight face. When we finally got to court she took me for everything I had, including my business, the court didn't care about her escapades, she lied in court and got away with it because I couldn't prove otherwise.
Sex outside of marriage, in many states, has no bearing on the divorce. You and she could have been screwing the county, and in most places it wouldn't matter a bit.
Now, if she had the kids around him, and he was a bad influence, then that could have some weight with the court. Sex outside of marriage is not something the courts look at, generally, in many states. Perhaps on grounds for alimony, but not for child support.
Sounds like she didn't abandon the child, sounds like she took the child.
Reread the post, she left the child with him, and comes over for a few hours to spend time with the child... Meaning he is the child's main caretaker? Do you know how confusing that is for a 5 year old?
Sounds like she didn't abandon the child, sounds like she took the child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by esushi
She left me with our daughter and comes around a couple times a week to spend a few hours with her.
It seems she abandoned her marriage and very sadly/selfishly abandoned her daughter as well.
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