Ladies do you like chivalry? (dance, casual, conversation, behavior)
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If we both help each other out - hold doors for each other, change each other's oil - that's fine. And that's how my relationships have been. But if something is one sided, or wrapped up in gender role stuff, them i am suspicious that the person has issues.
I like chivalry, but it should come naturally, not be forced or obvious, and be consistent throughout the relationship.
As in ... "look at all the doors I open to impress you ", becomes... "I'm a chivalrous guy until we're into the relationship then don't be surprised when I stop opening your car door".
i like when women do **** for me. I mean i can open my own doors and pay for my own ****. But if a woman wants to do that for me, then more power to her. And I will repay the good deed.
Oh, I totally agree that that's an awesome way to have things work out. But I don't think that addresses chivalry. Your post is more "taking care of the person you love", and should definitely be expected both ways. It (your post) is not about "getting anything in return" at all.
But a common response as to why men should do X, Y, or Z on a first date is often "because it's nice". The implications there are staggering.
I never said because it's nice....what it does is establish "Me Tarzan, You Jane" but in a subtler and more refined way.
I like chivalry. I tend to like old fashion and traditional roles in a relationship. So the man might hold a door for me... I am sure to wake up in the morning and make his coffee for him. The man might carry my bags for me... I am sure to cook his favorite meal and serve it to him. Etc, etc.
It's give and take really. If a woman is "taking" chivalry without returning in a relationship, things are unbalanced as far as I am concerned. And you can say the opposite too... if a woman is doing all these traditional things for her man and he can't be bothered to do the same for her... unbalanced. In both those cases the one taking without giving back is selfish in my opinion.
If you are a man or woman who doesn't like chivalry, then look for someone else who feels the same. As this thread shows, there are plenty on both sides of the issue. I'd say just don't expect to act like a modern man or woman and expect the other person to act traditional. It won't happen or won't last.
Right, but it goes both ways. I'm not just talking about my marriage. I hold doors for folks, I've loaded groceries into someone's car for them, I've walked an older co-worker to her car when it was pouring rain because I had an umbrella...etc. My husband would do these things too. Now granted I'm not looking to date anyone and he isn't either (at least I hope not!). Obviously we aren't going to get a return on those actions, but we do them anyway. I treat folks the way I'd like to be treated, whether it will be reciprocated or not.
That's the thing...it doesn't (well, it doesn't in dating as opposed to relationships....our posts are starting to diverge a little bit from one another!). Your posts are more along the lines of what I think we should be seeing more of, but instead, we're seeing post after post of the expected behaviors of men on dates. If those same behaviors (which are being descbied as "polite" and as "having manners") If I get really bored today, I'll highlight a bunch, but it's not gonna win me any friends
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
Who on earth ever said only men should be polite and have manners??
We've addressed chivalrous behavior, which has been likened to the above adjectives. Other than the fact that many definitions of word "chivalrous" only address men, would you consider yourself "chivalrous" on a date? "Polite", yes. But it seems the definitions of polite are drastically different for men and women on a date, seemingly, the difference between making gestures and accepting gestures.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
I never said because it's nice....what it does is establish "Me Tarzan, You Jane" but in a subtler and more refined way.
That's the thing...it doesn't (well, it doesn't in dating as opposed to relationships....our posts are starting to diverge a little bit from one another!). Your posts are more along the lines of what I think we should be seeing more of, but instead, we're seeing post after post of the expected behaviors of men on dates. If those same behaviors (which are being descbied as "polite" and as "having manners") If I get really bored today, I'll highlight a bunch, but it's not gonna win me any friends
We've addressed chivalrous behavior, which has been likened to the above adjectives. Other than the fact that many definitions of word "chivalrous" only address men, would you consider yourself "chivalrous" on a date? "Polite", yes. But it seems the definitions of polite are drastically different for men and women on a date, seemingly, the difference between making gestures and accepting gestures.
Then I wasn't addressing you with that post
No, polite is what I am, chivalrous is what the man is. If you look up the origins of the word, it was a code of conduct/honor for Knights and other upper class men in medieval times...then it became a way for lower classe men to emulate the upper classes and their manners....it was never a word that applied to women. It also to me applies mainly to early dating/courting rituals.
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