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rubbish, i give away chivalry freely. its good manners, and it comes back to you when you least expect it.
....it comes back when least expected???? SIGHHHHH.......
If you were actually in the right mindset you would have said....IT COMES BACK EVERY SINGLE TIME IT IS GIVEN.Women these days feel ENTITLED to have a man treat them chivalrously.
Women these days want doors opened....dinners paid for.....and the best treatment....
YET THEY HAVE NOT DONE A DAMN THING TO EVEN DISTINGUISH THEMSELVES FROM OTHER WOMEN.
Many of them RARELY if ever say thank you. They don't offer to pay for A dinner. They expect a guy to approach...to initiate....to text.....to set the dates.....to say the right things......to look the right way.....to dress the right way.....etc
And what do they offer in return??? A smile, a decent body ??? Is that all you are bringing to the table??
Like I said earlier....Chivalry is to be earned ladies.
You want a man to treat you like a special woman.....to treat you like a rare jewel..................
Show him that you are different then all the rest he has been with. Find way to let him know you appreciate kindness and gentlemanly manners BEFORE he even starts.
Learn how to say "thank you".......AND "I appreciate what you are doing" BEFORE he buys you a meal.
Those women that PROVE themselves worthy of chivalry will get it.
Welcome to 2014.
Men are no longer going to give anything away for free.
Well maybe some of the bottom feeders HOPING you will sleep with them will.
Last edited by usamathman; 08-10-2014 at 09:11 AM..
See, 49ers, you know what the main problem that all you young guys with your women-hating attitudes have? It's not rude women. It's your own self-absorption.
Do you really think that you're the only guy (or gal) on the planet who's been the recipient of shockingly rude behavior? Ill-mannered, self-centered people (women AND men) are, sadly, everywhere. They're in the minority, thankfully, but we ALL encounter them, sometimes when we least expect to. I and everyone else here on this forum could go on and on with examples of rude, inconsiderate, and even hostile behavior we've experienced from strangers, friends, family members, and yes, romantic interests. That's. Life.
So, as a young guys, you gotta ask yourselves, Am I going to go through my entire life feeling angry and sorry for myself? Because you know who you're hurting the most with your anger? Yourselves. Really, the absolute best thing you guys could do for yourselves - and I mean this sincerely - is to get over yourselves.
You're just a spit in the ocean like the rest of us are, so you've got to learn to put things into perspective. I know part of your inability to do so is the fact that you're young (we've all been there), but the sooner you guys realize that everything is NOT about YOU, and that everyone is dealing with own sh**, is when you'll feel happier. Truth!
repped!! well said.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mitopcat
How many men and women here were brought up this way? Was it your parents that told you to be nice and extend manners?
I was never told to be chivalrous or how to be chivalrous. I picked up chivalry on my own and enjoyed the reactions of most people's output. So seeing these manners and applying it to the real world felt great for, and it wasn't based on gender either.
Chivalry or good manners has died for me. I can confirm what other posters are saying when some women will react badly to a good gesture. From there, since I only wanted to be nice, the feeling was pretty much stomped on.
For now my manners have mutated. If I want to open the door for a lady that is behind me, I'll slow my walking down and let her walk ahead of me. She can then open the door herself.
To answer another post earlier in this thread: I don't think it's hatred of the y-generation of men but more so confusion. They might have seen their parents extend good manners but later, either in the news or a tv show or even in life, seen the reaction of most people.
you cant let others dictate what are good manners or not. opening a door for others is always good manners. and when you run across those few women who choose to slam you for displaying good manners, you just sweetly respond "i was taught that it is good manner to hold the door for others, you are welcome".
i once was going into a restaurant to pick up a take out order, and a group of people was coming out. the patriarch held the door for the rest, about eight in total. the problem was though that as a group they stood in the doorway thus blocking it. i just stood there waiting for them to decide to clear the doorway. finally the guy looks at me and says sarcastically, "excuse me". then he moved people out of the doorway. this is another example though of people not displaying good manners, you dont block doorways people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
That's awesome! I had a first date once with a man who blew me away with his chivalry....we were meeting at an outdoor bar that is very popular in the summer, and I drove around and around the parking lot and the streets and no spots anywhere....I call him, he is already at a table waiting for me.....he tells me meet him in the parking lot, 3rd row, red car.....I drive up to the car, he walks out of the restaurant, gets in car, pulls out of spot so I can park there, then he drives around himself to find a spot. When I get to the table while he was parking, there is a single red rose and a Margherita waiting for me...talk about knight in shining armor moments, I was swooning!
i probably would have done something similar, i would not have ordered a drink for you though, as i would not be that presumptive of what you preferred to drink, but i would very likely have left a stuffed flower at the table for you.
I disagree USA...maybe you feel it has to be earned, but then it's not really chivalry. A person that is chivalrous doesn't pick and choose who he will be chivalrous with...they do these acts across the board, regardless of gender, age or status.
I'll open doors for folks, I'll pay for meals, carry their excess bags if they look like they need help, I've loaded someone's groceries into their car..etc.
These were complete strangers...there was no opportunity for them to "earn" this, it's just given, freely. Why not? Usually I get a thank you, but even if I don't it doesn't stop me from helping out a fellow human being and having good manners.
You keep looking at what's in it for you. That is NOT chivalry.
I just remembered something. I grew up with three brothers. I was not treated as a princess, LOL. One time one of my older brothers was babysitting me. I guess I was around 14 or so. He and I and his friend were walking to go get something to eat for dinner. His friend offered to give me his jacket because it was a little chilly. Unheard-of male politeness! LOL. I declined, but don't think that it didn't catch my attention. I still remember it.
I disagree USA...maybe you feel it has to be earned, but then it's not really chivalry. A person that is chivalrous doesn't pick and choose who he will be chivalrous with...they do these acts across the board, regardless of gender, age or status.
I'll open doors for folks, I'll pay for meals, carry their excess bags if they look like they need help, I've loaded someone's groceries into their car..etc.
These were complete strangers...there was no opportunity for them to "earn" this, it's just given, freely. Why not? Usually I get a thank you, but even if I don't it doesn't stop me from helping out a fellow human being and having good manners.
You keep looking at what's in it for you. That is NOT chivalry.
Correct me if I am wrong but isn't this thread about chivalry toward women and dating?
You are talking about being kind and genuine in a general sense.
Men that have had success with women see these two things completely differently.
When it comes to dealing with women....I am always looking at it from a standpoint of....What is in it for me.
I understand that if I get what I want....I will definitely give the women I am with more than she could ever want.
Nothing wrong with being a little selfish.....when you know that WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER IS RARE AND VALUABLE, you can afford to be selfish.
Correct me if I am wrong but isn't this thread about chivalry toward women and dating?
You are talking about being kind and genuine in a general sense.
Men that have had success with women see these two things completely differently.
It's about chivalry. So you are not kind and genuine in a general sense? You are only kind and generous when someone earns it. That's not chivalry.
Men that have success with women HAVE success because they are chivalrous with everyone, even when their lady isn't watching. That is the difference between a quality man and a player.
Sure a guy can be genuinely nice, but trust takes time to gain. I have heard and seen too many women who fall for the guy who treated them like a queen, and soon that act was dropped and they were treated like sex buddies, if not humped and dumped.
So yes, not all men are players, but unless you're a mind-reader you can't know someone's intentions, so you can wear your heart on your sleeve and fall for the 1st good words and nice actions you hear and experience. It's great, especially for those it rarely happens to, but be cautious.
A genuinely nice person may offer you a ride someplace, and take you there with no problem. or they may pretend to be nice, drive you someplace and kill, rob or rape you. I have seen the latter happen-or heard it on the news, really. Why do you think parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers. Some people may genuinely like kids, and wanna give them treats. Other, not so much.
So, there are some nice guys. But there's just as many, if not more, players that you have to be weary of. And sadly, the nasty guys make it harder for the good guys when women have to be on the watch for them. Rather than going to a bar, or getting a hooker, many guys will seduce a nice girl, and pretend to be her best friend when he knows good and well he doesn't give a crap for her.
If you're a guy, I guess it's hard to understand. Seems some guys on this board and in life feel women have no reasons for being extra cautious with dating and sex.
Not to say women should live in fear, but they shouldn't be too naive and trusting either.
I think a lot of women confuse chivalry with a guy running game. Women think "oh he's so chivalrous", no he's just trying to get in your pants.
Men that have success with women HAVE success because they are chivalrous with everyone, even when their lady isn't watching. That is the difference between a quality man and a player.
their lady???
sorry but you and I are completely on two different pages.
you continue to wine and dine women....with absolutely no expectation in return....and let me know how things go for you 5 more years down the road.
my comments are for the men that are tired of investing 100% into a woman to get nothing in return.
if your "strategy" works for you in dating.....continue to do it buddy.
I can guarantee you that I am as generous as they come.
However, when it comes to dating....I do have expectations.
I am not going to go out of my way to impress or put a woman on a pedestal when she has DONE NOTHING in return.
I disagree USA...maybe you feel it has to be earned, but then it's not really chivalry. A person that is chivalrous doesn't pick and choose who he will be chivalrous with...they do these acts across the board, regardless of gender, age or status..
I think a subtle thing guys miss as well, is a good woman looks good. I mean, if a guy is great to her, and does chivalrous things for her. When they go on a date, she will spend money and time getting ready.
She'll wanna get her hair done.
She'll wanna be sure her make-up is good.
She'll wanna have a good outfit, may even go out and buy one.
She'll want to get a pedicure so her feet look good, depending on the shoes she'll wear.
She'll also want her nails to be clean and done. She may get those done too.
She won't wanna be hairy. She'll shave, or go and get waxed.
So that in the end, when she comes for the date, she looks like an attractive woman that he will like looking at, and he'll be proud to be seen with. It starts there for a woman. It is effort that they are expending, but more subtle apparently, that many guys think nothing of.
Then after a few dates, yeah, she needs to start doing more. Pay for gas, etc. Depends on the dates. If he invites her to his house to eat, and he's cooking, very sweet. But bring something as well. Wine, something you made yourself, etc.
I think things should be even in a relationship, with different shows off affection. A chivalrous boyfriend or husband, but don't sit back and take without giving. Do things for him too.
If I have to earn a guy treating me special when he asks me for a date, then I could say, he has to earn me looking nice. If he's gonna treat me like a male buddy, and sees me as just some other woman he's hanging with, I am not gonna spend money on my hair, clothes, or stand in a mirror putting on make-up for him.
You don't think I am special, and don't wanna be chivalrous, then I can say Idk if you're special enough for me to dress up for, and put in effort to be in your presence.
Last edited by HappyRain; 08-10-2014 at 09:36 AM..
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When I get to the table while he was parking, there is a single red rose and a Margherita waiting for me...talk about knight in shining armor moments, I was swooning!
