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I don't know, I think these two were good people on the inside, I just couldn't give them what they wanted from a relationship.
I'm not sure if i'm just too eager to find a easy solution, but i'm almost certain the lack of confidence in physical stuff is the only reason for these dates falling flat. Literally everything else was going well. Good conversations that flowed well, lots of laughs, agreement about ways we interpret the world and we starting discussing some deeper topics as well like our families and stuff. They were all in the 2-4 hour range and none of them dragged. The physical hesitance is the only thing I can think of that didn't work out well, but maybe i'm overlooking some other key things that were important.
That's a really good start. And some women are happy with no "physical stuff" on the first few dates. It has to come naturally, like if you're both feeling chemistry. The first 2 or 3 dates are just to get to know each other and figure out if there's good ground for compatibility and maybe a little chemistry. Gauge it by how she looks at you, whether she touches you in casual gestures, tone of voice (enthusiasm, for example).
What you did took a lot of courage. My hat is off to you.
Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. Learn from your experiences.
Thanks, I appreciate it. I'm trying to improve a little bit each time. I have to say, online dating has been a good thing for me in this. I am much more confident in writing then in person, so being able to get the ice-breaker done through the internet really makes the process a-lot easier. Another benefit is that I know the person is at least a little bit interested when we arrange to meet for the first time, instead of having to fight for the person's interest if I were to approach them at a bar or something.
As the title says i'm one of those late-bloomers on the romance scene, so to speak. Rather then have this be some sort of pity-party like a-lot of fellow late bloomers seem to initiate, I would like this thread to be a place to share experiences and maybe learn some stuff that sheds some light on this whole process.
So, my story so far: I'm 25, never had a girlfriend, sex, kiss or anything. I just started dating a few months ago. My first experience went quite well. I got to a third date, but she didn't see me as relationship potential. I had fun on these dates, but their was no physical stuff going on at all. I think I was too nervous because of my lack of experience. I didn't do anything on those 3 dates to indicate that I was romantically interested in this person and I think that's what put me in the "friend-zone". I know this because I got the whole, 'you're a great guy...' routine. So my lesson learned from this experience was, always initiate some romantic interest by the third date. Maybe you can get away with just 'hanging out' on the first two, but if you haven't shown romantic interest by #3, you are going to struggle.
After this I went on a number of first dates, none successful. One person showed up 30-minutes late without any acknowledgement to her tardiness. From the very first minute, I decided I am not going to pursue anything with this woman. Her behavior showed a lack of respect for my time, which in turn shows a lack of respect toward me. No way i'm dealing with that.
Next, I got to date #5 with someone. I had my first proper kiss However, they were the initiator. After date 5, the person told me it wasn't working out. Once again, I got the great-guy routine. I think my error with this person was that I revealed my lack of experience. I didn't do this using direct language, but I alluded to it. Once I did this, it was all downhill I think. Also, I think I really should have been more confident in initiating romantic gestures.
My goal for the next person I go out with is to be the initiator of kissing, holding hands etc. I think i'll be more confident about it now that i've finally had my first kiss. Also, I need to hold off on revealing my lack of experience. It's a complete turn-off and I don't care how empathetic somebody is, this is going to be a problem.
It's also really important to respect yourself. Don't just go for anybody who seems interested. Make sure they could be a good match for you and make sure they respect you. Respect yourself first and only then will you receive respect.
Anybody have anything to add to this? I'm looking to learn as much as I can since i'm playing catch-up here, so any good insights would be appreciated.
well at least you have gotten laid your share of times
This is one of the reasons why some women have such a negative attitude towards dating...because of this dunce-like thinking. As if the success of a date is measured by "getting laid."
Also, try to read the OP well before commenting.
OP, I'm glad that you're making great strides and maintaining a positive attitude. If you continue to be patient with yourself and introspect, all these experiences will prepare you well for that special person you seek.
I have a super conservative upbringing but your experience is unheard of
can I ask what dating website are you using and what is your general location / belief?
I have a super conservative upbringing but your experience is unheard of
can I ask what dating website are you using and what is your general location / belief?
Probably only unheard of because people wouldn't be shouting this fact from the rooftops. I am using one of the largest of the websites. I live on the Northeast in one of the major cities. Belief? very liberal I suppose, but I don't like to classify it.
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However, they were the initiator. After date 5, the person told me it wasn't working out. Once again, I got the great-guy routine. I think my error with this person was that I revealed my lack of experience. I didn't do this using direct language, but I alluded to it. Once I did this, it was all downhill I think. Also, I think I really should have been more confident in initiating romantic gestures. 
