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I doubt most women are doing this. Maybe just the "I need sex all the time" type that you like.
I'd have to agree with him. I don't even date anymore and basically just have female friends. I've had many different female friends from all walks of life (high school, college, grad school, medical field, and now military) and I've noticed that the vast majority do what that poster says.
However, many won't define it as such.
In fact, the only girls that I've met that don't do this, in general, were foreign-born Asians (and, even then, there's really no guarantee, as a few did).
It is neither if it isn't done deceitfully. What the lady I'm dating was doing in the bedroom with other guys/girls was none of my damn business until we committed. Nor was what I was doing. There was no lying about it and as adults we knew it was best not to ask. It came up only when I asked her for a commitment.
It is my business because I'm not going to invest time while another gets sex without investing anything. If those women were to keep sex for committed relationships, they wouldn't be in that predicament. Most guys would dump a girl like that in a microsecond.
Sure, objectification isn't cool. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to someone and wanting to have sex with them. It is super natural. Saw one of my lady friends act on it last night at a concert, I don't think she was degrading the guy she took home, but I sure hope she was gratified. I have to check in with her.
No, there's not, and I said as much. My point is that hook-up culture is about objectification as a lifestyle.
See, I rather give up time and money (costs me money to date too) than deal with the emotional fall out of realizing I was used for sex. For me, that's much, much more devastating. The time, I don't care about anymore than getting stuck in traffic. The money, I can earn back. The emotional fall out, that I can't do anything about.
Now, to be clear, I am not talking about trying a relationship and the sex wasn't good and it ended... I am talking about those players/hookup culture types that we were all originally talking about. The guys that just want to hook up and have sex and basically throw you away like you aren't even a person. Those guys that see women as objects to be used like a human toilet. I am talking about avoiding those guys. The best way to avoid those guys is to wait. It stinks because sure a few good guys might fall by the wayside, but until someone tells me a better, more effective way of weeding them out. I am stuck with waiting.
When the frontrunner (hey, nothing wrong with keeping a stable of potentials) texted me last night, I just told him that it sounded like he was looking for a hook-up and I'm not. Just boom, blunt like that. Of course he said he wasn't--I would expect that of anyone over 35 with half a brain in his head even if he was--but my points were that a) it wasn't going to happen and b) here's his opportunity to fade out if that's what he was looking for. He did actually call to talk yesterday before I had the little come-to-Jesus text with him, but I was out. We'll see. If he suggests getting together for a cup of coffee or a drink and doesn't behave like a horny 14-year-old in my presence, there may be something there.
Point is, you may just have to be blunt with people. Think of it not as hitting people over the head with a brick, but "direct communication," as most men tend to need that kind of frankness anyway. What we gals may see as abrasive, they often just see as clear.
When the frontrunner (hey, nothing wrong with keeping a stable of potentials) texted me last night, I just told him that it sounded like he was looking for a hook-up and I'm not. Just boom, blunt like that. Of course he said he wasn't--I would expect that of anyone over 35 with half a brain in his head even if he was--but my points were that a) it wasn't going to happen and b) here's his opportunity to fade out if that's what he was looking for. He did actually call to talk yesterday before I had the little come-to-Jesus text with him, but I was out. We'll see. If he suggests getting together for a cup of coffee or a drink and doesn't behave like a horny 14-year-old in my presence, there may be something there.
Point is, you may just have to be blunt with people. Think of it not as hitting people over the head with a brick, but "direct communication," as most men tend to need that kind of frankness anyway. What we gals may see as abrasive, they often just see as clear.
That;s normally the way to do it. No name-calling, or disrespect, but just bluntly that you're not into "hooking up", but you are into building something 1st, then having sex. It gets sexually frustrating sometimes, but if you are a woman who wants something more stable / concrete, then waiting a bit is good. How long the wait is, just depends on the woman though, and the guy involved. Some women didn't wait and had sex fast with guys who became husbands.
But thing though, sometimes even if you make clear you're not into hooking up, some will stick around because now, it's a challenge. So, I would be on guard, but enjoy if he can have fun without constantly talking sex.Things would get better then.
That;s normally the way to do it. No name-calling, or disrespect, but just bluntly that you're not into "hooking up", but you are into building something 1st, then having sex. It gets sexually frustrating sometimes, but if you are a woman who wants something more stable / concrete, then waiting a bit is good. How long the wait is, just depends on the woman though, and the guy involved. Some women didn't wait and had sex fast with guys who became husbands.
But thing though, sometimes even if you make clear you're not into hooking up, some will stick around because now, it's a challenge. So, I would be on guard, but enjoy if he can have fun without constantly talking sex.Things would get better then.
Yep, I was very polite about it. "Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like..."
Alas, this poor lad doesn't know the hurdles he has to jump, actually. He has a lot in common with my ex in terms of age, line of work, and even the same first name.
Yep, I was very polite about it. "Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like..."
Alas, this poor lad doesn't know the hurdles he has to jump, actually. He has a lot in common with my ex in terms of age, line of work, and even the same first name.
Totally understand. I am the same. Sex = Terrific. And with the right guy, I could be doing it with him numerous times a day. But before I know him well, and a relationship is established, that will have to wait so I can see his character, how he treats me, how he treats others, how he handles conflict, be it relationship wise, or in life in general. So, there's alot I have to see before I could sleep with a man. I have to know a bit of his character. Not to be manipulative, game-playing, or man/sex hater. Just because it's how I am. I need a feel of personality, and emotional closeness.
Now, if after all that, it turns out he lied, and he bolts after the sex, oh well. I wouldn't feel as bad about it than if I sleep with him the 1st night, or week. So, angry at him, sure. But not beating myself up.
And if the guy is like an ex of yours', I can really understand being cautious.
There's actually a hookup culture outside of the gay community?
Tell me where I can find it? LOL
Well, according to one poster, you have to be really attractive in order to be accepted into that community.
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