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I think that young love has fantasies and memories that tend to block out the negative to preserve the best of the experience.
I had a particular friend, I wished so much that it could have been permanent, but her parents did not approve, and justifiably.
Economically I was incapable of maintaining the life she was accustomed to, and the future I proposed would have been a serious sacrifice on her part.
To protect my ego at the time, and for many years, I blamed every one, even my self .
In retrospect , I would have been best admiring her from a distance, than to have gotten so infatuated with her.
She did not know me well enough in the beginning, to realize that.
And I was too stupid the think, it should not have made any difference.
It does not mean I stopped loving her, I hope that where ever she is that she is happy and blessed.
I can't help but hope to see that blessed face, or hear that angelic voice again, but I suspect I never will , and it's all for the best.
I'm still economically inferior being retired .that was over 44 years ago.
Eventually I met other girls, but you know how it is when you have an ideal .
I finally met a girl that knew me pretty well ,and came from a similar back ground .
We got along well and , I had come to the point by then chasing a dream was futile , and this girl loved me and I loved her, so we wed, and had 2 great kids together and both are responsible adults now.
We've been separated 12-14 years now , (loosing track of time) she enjoys another place another state far away, and I am saddled with dealing with all my dads junk alone.
Such is life.
She did not want any part of it . I suppose I may have driven her away struggling with my own collection of junk.
I suspect she enjoys life without listening to my concerns about her eating habits and health issues .
I had hoped in life, to have helped her mature as an adult, which she seemed to resent.
Neither of us have cheated nor care to , this is just life as it is right now.
It took years to get over that rejection , but I am settled now with life the way it is . no sense on mourning over it.
I really don't think mourning over something you never had is healthy. Young love is honestly very misinterpreted thanks to TV and the internet. I used to feel so left out and weird because I wasn't with anyone and I was "in love" like everyone else. Nowadays, I really try not to worry about it. It was such a monotonous and depressing cycle. I got tired of it.
I realized I was missing something I never even had. I think so many people are so in love with idea of love that they don't even know what it really is. They blow it up to something it probably isn't. The only think you can really do is go through life and take it as it comes. If you happen to come across someone and fall in love, that's great, if not. Why lose sleep over it?
Well you were lucky to at least feel infatuation. I don't think I will ever be attractive enough in time to feel that...
This "woe is me" attitude and self-pity is creating a dark cloud around you and preventing your personal advancement. You've been told countless times that you have very fixable problems (obesity, mood disorder, etc) but instead of being proactive and taking control of your life, you choose to wallow in self-pity.
Very few people will give you the time of the day, if it is pretty obvious that you neither like yourself nor think that you will amount to anything.
I will say this for the final time: Fix the fixable issues and work on yourself first before worrying about the other minute details.
easier said than done when it comes to stop dwelling and being regretful on what you missed out on, on what you wish you experienced earlier
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