I want a baby and my husband doesn't and wants me to stop getting upset about it (child support, responsible)
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Who am I not to? This is - again - a discussion forum - and it provides us a forum to judge the merits and demerits of everyones points and positions - including our own.
Again - if this format bothers you - I can recommend the blog format for you - or a soap box. Your posts on this forum are hardly free of judgements either. We are human - we judge.
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Originally Posted by Zeurch
Thank you for saying that I have had enough and I left. But he gives a lecture about meditation on some another post. .
You asked about meditation on another thread and I answered your questions. Hardly a "lecture".
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Originally Posted by Djuna
The OP made this one post and never came back again.
Quite common around here alas - but I can not complain too much. Sometimes people simply want the input but do not want to get drawn into discussions on that input. I post on a few personal issues forums including this one - and it is quite common to see people do one post and never return.
I reply to them anyway on the off chance they are reading along all the same. And if not - then perhaps someone else with similar issues will see the posts too later down the line.
Who am I not to? This is - again - a discussion forum - and it provides us a forum to judge the merits and demerits of everyones points and positions - including our own.
Again - if this format bothers you - I can recommend the blog format for you - or a soap box. Your posts on this forum are hardly free of judgements either. We are human - we judge.
You asked about meditation on another thread and I answered your questions. Hardly a "lecture".
Quite common around here alas - but I can not complain too much. Sometimes people simply want the input but do not want to get drawn into discussions on that input. I post on a few personal issues forums including this one - and it is quite common to see people do one post and never return.
I reply to them anyway on the off chance they are reading along all the same. And if not - then perhaps someone else with similar issues will see the posts too later down the line.
Ok...
Why do you feel the need to call someone out on their behavior on a public board *ie Zeurch*?
Calling a poster out isn't going to change anything, other than possibly creating drama.
So exactly what does that accomplish? And why create drama just to have a discussion?
Why do you feel the need to call someone out on their behavior on a public board *ie Zeurch*?
I did no such thing. The user accused the OPs partner of being "Selfish". In my first reply (Post#36) I merely asked the user why they feel like this.
In my second reply I showed that the OPs partner is not being selfish. In fact it is Zeurchs view on the matter than is selfish.
The user accused the OPs partner of not caring how his wife feels. That is simply false and the user is simply making this up. Not conceeding to demands is not the same as not caring how someone feels. But care of feelings goes TWO ways.
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Originally Posted by snugglegirl05
Calling a poster out isn't going to change anything, other than possibly creating drama.
This posturing of "calling a poster out" is just hyperbole from you. I did no such thing. This is - as I keep reminding you - a discussion forum. The user put forward a point/claim and I am merely discussing it. Which is what the forum is for. If this bothers you then I repeat again - perhaps the forum format is not for you.
And what is your problem exactly given there is no more judgement from me on my posts in this thread than in many of your own posts on this forum? Is it somehow one rule for you and one for me?
Seriously? You do realize, don't you, that the reason North America was colonized is that Europe was bursting at the seams with overpopulation? And those colonists and their descendants through the 1800's generally had 10-12 kids each. Some male colonists had twice that amount, because they'd remarry young women after their wife expired after so many pregnancies. And that's just Europeans and their descendants. Some Asian and Latin American nationalities are still having 8-15 kids per family.
Well thank God for that, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now if Europe hadn't become overpopulated and the excess population hadn't colonized the Western Hemisphere.
Overpopulation among intelligent societies often inspires innovation because you have to learn to do more with less resources. If we had remained at the population levels of hunter-gatherers we would have remained hunter gatherers. Population pressures cause human societies to evolove.
Look I could go on on about this but this is not the right forum for it. We are here to address a relationship issue, not talk philosophy. I am pro-natalist and that cannot help influence my opinion on such personal issues. However, I understand that people are going to make their own choices on this issue, so let's just leave it at that.
And I understand what Pitt Chick just said, he likely does feel you are "reneging" on the deal you made at your wedding.
However, when two people love one another they must both work to respect and support one another even when they do change.
After all, LIFE is all about change. Nothing ever stays the same. We must grow or we stagnate and die (emotionally and/or spiritually).
That being said, your husband has closed his heart to any growth or change, and I'm so sorry.
But you now have to make one of two choices....
You make a conscious decision to love him regardless of how he is hurting you and release your dream completely so that you can remain happy in your marriage.
OR
You walk away and pursue motherhood from another direction.
Neither choice will be easy, I know. But this is really what it all comes down to.
Again, I'm sorry.
This.....there is no way you can expect to marry somebody and not have them change at all.....Marriage is more than a simple deal and contract to fill. I should have walked away so many years ago, but, couldn't and finally he died....
This.....there is no way you can expect to marry somebody and not have them change at all.....
But no one is saying that. I think we all agree that we grow and change. But the point on this thread is that there is no FIXED way you have to grow or change. Just because the man in THIS relationship did not change his mind on having children - that does not mean he is "closed to growth or change" as LovesMountains asserted. He just did not "grow or change" in relation to _one single particular thing_.
Your husband should be the most important person in your life. And you in his. Contemplating leaving this man for a nonexistent fantasy child that you haven't even had yet is incredibly short-sighted. I would never put an idea before my wife.
It is not putting an idea before her husband. It is putting what _she_ wants from _her_ life forward as part of the consideration of whether the relationship she is in - is still the one for her.
As people keep saying on this thread - people grow and change - and as sad as it is, the fact remains that sometimes people grow out of the relationship they are in and simply have to move on. Regardless of the love they still hold for their partner(s).
No, that's literally exactly what it is. She thinks she wants this and is willing to abandon her husband over it. She's putting an idea before her spouse.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zepheyr
No, that's exactly what it is. Literally. She thinks she wants this and is willing to abandon her husband over it.
Exactly.
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