I want a baby and my husband doesn't and wants me to stop getting upset about it (separate, divorced)
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Wow. I'm kind of surprised at some of the harshness toward the OP. People change. Just because someone decided 15 years ago when they were 23 years old that they didn't want to have children, it doesn't mean they can't change their mind. She didn't sign a contract promising to never want children. She thought she didn't want them. She's not wrong or bad for now having different feelings about it. Yes, she should consider her husband's feelings. He should also consider hers.
God. If I had made a plan at age 23 for the entire rest of my life and signed a document in blood saying that is how it was going to be, I'd be in trouble, because I pretty much knew nothing at 23. Things change. People change.
Agree 100% with this. Life happens, things change and no one's choices are set in stone.
OP, unfortunately, it does sound like you are at a point where you have to chose between your marriage and motherhood. I do know women who have done that, and in some cases, they ended up divorcing and conceiving with a sperm donor, because they didn't want to take any more time to find a new partner, get to know them, etc, etc. In some cases, they ultimately ended up married after that, in other cases, they found that motherhood was fulfilling enough that they didn't pursue remarriage, at least not as of yet.
So while you may not have your most desired option, which would be for your husband to change his own mind about becoming a parent, you do have other options. Only you can decide which of those is right for you, but it's obviously not an easy choice. I would recommend finding a counselor to talk to and help you process what is clearly going to be the hardest decision of your life.
ETA: I know you said you and your husband have had counselling but I meant talking to someone on your own, because ultimately, only you can decide if you can accept not being a mother vs. divorcing and pursuing motherhood either on your own or with a new partner. That may or may not be a different counselor than you are seeing now, but it would be on your own, not with your husband.
I'm sorry for your situation OP, I really hope your SO will open his mind to giving you a child before it's too late. I don't think you are asking for too much at all, best of luck.
If you cannot stand that I call him selfish. It is all your problem not mine.
It has nothing to do with what I can "stand". This is a discussion forum. You put forward a point - I am merely discussing that point and showing why it is a fail.
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Originally Posted by Zeurch
But don't judge me you are no one to do that.
At no point did I judge you. I am judging what you _said_. Thats entirely different.
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Originally Posted by snugglegirl05
Why do you feel the need to call people out on their actions? Why is it your job to do this?
Last time I checked this was a discussion forum. The user made a point - and I am merely discussing the failures in that users point.
If this bothers you then I have little advice for you - except to suggest that maybe a forum format is not the one for you. Have you considered Blogs?
im 43 and too old to responsibly have children, i have been for years
You must live in some back woods because 43 is a very common (normal) age to have elementary school age children where I live. My God what is wrong with you people? People don't have kids when they are 25 anymore unless by accident or they are on welfare. None and I mean none of the kids my kids are friends with have parents under 40 and they are 5 and 9.
We were looked at as "young parents" when my wife had our older son at 32.
I guess this is a Blue State/Red State difference.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,029,445 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Port North
You must live in some back woods because 43 is a very common (normal) age to have elementary school age children where I live. My God what is wrong with you people? People don't have kids when they are 25 anymore. None and I mean none of the kids my kids are friends with have parents under 40 and they are 5 and 9.
We were looked at as "young parents" when my wife had our older son at 32.
I live in Boston. The last city I lived in was San Francisco. Before that, Chicago. Previous to that, Madison WI. Shall I go on? Not exactly the back woods.
And having elementary school ages kids at 43 is considerably different than having a child at 43. It is a big big difference.
I live in Boston. The last city I lived in was San Francisco. Before that, Chicago. Previous to that, Madison WI. Shall I go on? Not exactly the back woods.
And having elementary school ages kids at 43 is considerably different than having a child at 43. It is a big big difference.
Ok, Boston should definitely be similar to Long Island in that regard. I know a mother who is celebrating her 50th birthday today and her son is 8 and friends with my 9 year old. Totally good mother, not too old at all.
That idea that you can't have kids after 35 is an outdated notion from the 1970's.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,029,445 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Port North
Ok, Boston should definitely be similar to Long Island in that regard. I know a mother who is celebrating her 50th birthday today and her son is 8 and friends with my 9 year old. Totally good mother, not too old at all.
That idea that you can't have kids after 35 is an outdated notion from the 1970's.
I never said that you can't have kids after 35. Most people I know have kids around them. 35 is hugely different than 43.
I said I think I am too old to responsibly have kids (just born ones) at 43. I stand by that. It wouldn't be fair to them or me, or my partner. I could of course biologically, and perhaps make it work financially (assuming I die at work), but I do not believe it would be responsible.
And at 50 she might not be too old now. She might be too old (I don't know her, I know me) to be moving people in and out of a dorm at 60, and trying to retire around 65 when she is paying tuition from 60-64.
The front end is "easy". It is the high school and college years.
You must live in some back woods because 43 is a very common (normal) age to have elementary school age children where I live. My God what is wrong with you people? People don't have kids when they are 25 anymore unless by accident or they are on welfare. None and I mean none of the kids my kids are friends with have parents under 40 and they are 5 and 9.
We were looked at as "young parents" when my wife had our older son at 32.
I guess this is a Blue State/Red State difference.
True. People have kids in their 40's. That was a trend I first heard about in the 80's.
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