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I do not think you overreacted. There are two reasons why you may have been feeling this way. You and he were having a casual dating relationship. Then you find out he was having a serious relationship with another woman. That goes out of the agreed type of relationship. If he wished to have a serious relationship, he needed to let you in on it and commit to the other woman. You likely felt like the "other" woman in a cheating type of relationship. That's a horrible place to be put in. You may also have felt you could not trust him since it's possible you already were the "other" woman which you may not have agreed to if you had known in the first place and not bothered wasting your time and feelings on this man.
Either way, he lied to you and you felt hurt. Telling his GF was not necessary, but within your right. He should learn that he can't have it all. She'd have figured it out eventually, but you may have saved her some big heartache later on if she wanted to marry him and he was still cheating on her with some other girl. He was mad because he got caught. His anger is at himself, not you.
My advice, move on to someone more worth your time and investment. He's a low-life.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinawina
Even if he wasn't cheating on HER, he was still cheating on his GF
How do you know this? You're assuming they were in a monogamous/closed relationship, not a safe assumption at all. More than once I've met someone I was dating out and about on the town with their boyfriend and no one was doing anything wrong.
Are some of y'all on crack? LOL. Okay I'm kidding. But I still am trying to wrap my head around how she's the "psycho" here.
Even if he wasn't cheating on HER, he was still cheating on his GF and made her an unwilling participant. What kind of decent human being wouldn't tell the girlfriend? OF COURSE she should have told. How did she owe him silence? How is telling the truth not "dignified"?
That kind of thinking is totally screwed up to me. If he didn't want to get busted, he should not have been cheating on his GF.
If they're in a "open realtionship" or free to date other people, then its none of her business nor her place to tell his girlfriend. What goes between him and his girlfriend is their business, not hers. If the OP wanted an exclusive relationship she should have said so up front and not been playing games.
How do you know this? You're assuming they were in a monogamous/closed relationship, not a safe assumption at all. More than once I've met someone I was dating out and about on the town with their boyfriend and no one was doing anything wrong.
She asked, the girl said yes. That is what i read, right? And if the GF and him are not exclusive then nothing the OP said would matter anyway, so why would he be mad?
Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks
If they're in a "open realtionship" or free to date other people, then its none of her business nor her place to tell his girlfriend. What goes between him and his girlfriend is their business, not hers. If the OP wanted an exclusive relationship she should have said so up front and not been playing games.
She stated clearly that she asked dude if he had a girlfriend and made it known that she did NOT want to continue seeing him if he had a commitment to someone else, she even told him to let her know if he was even thinking about getting serious with someone so they could end things. She PLAINLY did not want to be someone's "other woman". She damn near took out a billboard saying as much and put it in front of his house.
So once she finds out she IS just what she didn't want to be, because he lied, it's her fault if she tells the truth to the other person being lied to?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,116,375 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinawina
So once she finds out she IS just what she didn't want to be, because he lied, it's her fault if she tells the truth to the other person being lied to?
Yes. As there is no indication anything he did was wrong between him and his girlfriend.
The issue was between him and the OP. You keep that between the two of you, as a rule.
Yes. As there is no indication anything he did was wrong between him and his girlfriend.
The issue was between him and the OP. You keep that between the two of you, as a rule.
Anything else is vengeful and psycho.
Yes. A rule for people who cheat. LOL
If you don't lie to people, then you don't need a rule about who can say what to whom.
If everything was on the up and up with his GF, then nothing the OP said would cause damage. Other people don't owe you to fly cover for your deceptions. That's ridiculous.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Oh please. Pathetic arguments. I've had to put people in their place when they approached me that my ladyfriend (not current, past) was banging others, I told them to grow up and mind their own business and stop being little (female dogs). They were wusses trying to create drama.
It really is amazing how many people think it is ok to involve themselves in the relationships of others. It is not.
There is zero reason to believe the dude was cheating on anyone with the info we have. This person was just jilted and trying to create drama like a school girl.
Where the guy made his mistake was not telling the OP he did not want a relationship straight up when she brought her feelings up. Although he did not seem to indicate that they WERE in any kind of relationship. It sounds like he didn't want to lose the FWB that was going on so he made just enough adjustments to keep the FWB going. But it's clear that's all it was to him.
I would not have called the OP psycho, but I think he was justified in his anger because he did not make a clear commitment. The OP should have pushed him one way or the other if commitment was what she wanted. However, without making his goals clear, he ran this kind of risk. So in that sense this is a consequence of that mistake.
I think OP acted out of line. Not psycho, but crass.
Oh please. Pathetic arguments. I've had to put people in their place when they approached me that my ladyfriend (not current, past) was banging others, I told them to grow up and mind their own business and stop being little (female dogs). They were wusses trying to create drama.
It really is amazing how many people think it is ok to involve themselves in the relationships of others. It is not.
There is zero reason to believe the dude was cheating on anyone with the info we have. This person was just jilted and trying to create drama like a school girl.
BS. If you are casually dating someone and you both agreed to it, then what does it matter who tells you what? Just like you said... Other people told you stuff about people you were seeing but it made no difference in your relationship because y'all had an agreement. No lies were being told and these chicks were not married.
Here, this GF had no idea he was seeing someone else and no idea he was on OK Cupid. Does that sound like the same situation to you? Not to mention that he lied to the OP.
Again, if you are seeing someone and claim to them you don't have a GF and are not getting serious with someone, and they find out you were lying, exactly how do they "owe" you anything? What part of the game is that? Like folks don't get angry when you do dumb stuff like that. He shouldn't have been out there lying. Don't play games if you are not willing to lose. LOL
She stated clearly that she asked dude if he had a girlfriend and made it known that she did NOT want to continue seeing him if he had a commitment to someone else, she even told him to let her know if he was even thinking about getting serious with someone so they could end things. She PLAINLY did not want to be someone's "other woman". She damn near took out a billboard saying as much and put it in front of his house.
So once she finds out she IS just what she didn't want to be, because he lied, it's her fault if she tells the truth to the other person being lied to?
Wow.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tulip999
I need some help and advice. I am really lost. I have been seeing this guy for 4-5 months. We started casual but I started developing feelings soon and I talked to him about it. Based on his behavior, he started slowly modifying things to make me part of his life. Now, in the mean time, I have been warned before that he has had a reputation. He also kept an active OKC profile the entire time I was with him. It was fine with me, as I also had my profile up but was not using it as much. Throughout our courtship, he did have a behavior of someone who is dating around. It did not bother me as I had the same options - to date around. Over the summer, he traveled extensively, both times claiming that he was doing solo trips - one to Asia and the other to attend his friend's wedding. He never invited me to these trips and when suggested, he said that his friend's wedding is very small and guests have not been invited.
Come this Sunday, I normally go to this 11 am yoga class. I got there 20 minutes early, parked the car and decided to walk around a bit in that neighborhood, as the weather was great in SF. Two seconds into my walk, I bumped into him and this woman. I could not believe my eyes . They were walking like a loving couple that spend Saturday night together and went for a Sunday brunch. I said hi, introduced myself. He started rushing away, like they had to go. I asked the woman whether she was his girlfriend. She said with a funny laugh "I certainly hope so..." Sounded like what else can it be. Anyways long story short, I confronted to her that we have been seeing each other and that he never revealed that there was a serious relationship. Turns out they traveled together, they went to his friend's wedding together. I felt lost and betrayed. He emailed me later and said that I am a psycho woman who made a scene in the street. Perhaps I should have acted differently, perhaps I should have acted "cool" and walked away. I feel so lost. She knows about me now. She had NO IDEA that he was seeing other women and also no idea about the OKC. Did I overreact? Perhaps this was another woman he was seeing but in more serious terms but still casual? Perhaps I should have kept my cool? Please advise.
Good lord, go back and read what she said in her original post. She said she herd rumors about him being somewhat of a player. She said she didn't care that he still had up his online dating profile, and she didn't care if he saw other because she was free to do the same thing. She tried to play the game and got played. Then she got pissed when she saw him with his main squeeze and she couldn't handle it. She has no one to blame but herself.
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. They were walking like a loving couple that spend Saturday night together and went for a Sunday brunch. I said hi, introduced myself. He started rushing away, like they had to go. I asked the woman whether she was his girlfriend. She said with a funny laugh "I certainly hope so..." Sounded like what else can it be. Anyways long story short, I confronted to her that we have been seeing each other and that he never revealed that there was a serious relationship. Turns out they traveled together, they went to his friend's wedding together. I felt lost and betrayed. He emailed me later and said that I am a psycho woman who made a scene in the street. Perhaps I should have acted differently, perhaps I should have acted "cool" and walked away. I feel so lost. She knows about me now. She had NO IDEA that he was seeing other women and also no idea about the OKC. Did I overreact? Perhaps this was another woman he was seeing but in more serious terms but still casual? Perhaps I should have kept my cool? Please advise.
