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So, you had this extended conversation with him and her, and they revealed their entire relationship to you on the side walk converstion? And he stood there shaking his head up and down the entire time, while you had this discussion?
"They were walking like a loving couple that spend Saturday night together and went for a Sunday brunch. I said hi, introduced myself. He started rushing away, like they had to go. I asked the woman whether she was his girlfriend. She said with a funny laugh "I certainly hope so..." Sounded like what else can it be. Anyways long story short, I confronted to her that we have been seeing each other and that he never revealed that there was a serious relationship. Turns out they traveled together, they went to his friend's wedding together. I felt lost and betrayed."
He was not talking, sort of standing there with an angry face. I would not call it an extended conversation. She started asking me questions - how long have you been dating him etc. I asked whether she traveled with him, she confirmed. She said she never knew of other women in his life nor she suspected. I told her to check his okc profile as well, in case she did not believe me.... etc. It was 10 minutes max. I have to admit, when she saw the OKC profile, she became very quite and was kind of shaking inside. It's like I made her world upside down.
I also think it's easy to sit here and judge when we weren't there in the heat of the moment. She reacted to the surprise of it all, it's not like it was premeditated. He's just angry he got caught out for all the lies and secrets.
What's amazing and unreal is how all these detailed facts and history came out in a sidewalk converstion. All why the guy just stood there
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Originally Posted by tulip999
He was not talking, sort of standing there with an angry face. I would not call it an extended conversation. She started asking me questions - how long have you been dating him etc. I asked whether she traveled with him, she confirmed. She said she never knew of other women in his life nor she suspected. I told her to check his okc profile as well, in case she did not believe me.... etc. It was 10 minutes max. I have to admit, when she saw the OKC profile, she became very quite and was kind of shaking inside. It's like I made her world upside down.
10 minutes max for all of this to happen and for you to know their detailed relationship history..Unbelievable
I was in a relationship with the guy for a few months, I knew a lot about his life, what he was doing, where he was going, where he was traveling to. But I was getting the distorted versions from him. The only thing I did not know was whether he was doing these things with a gf or not. It got confirmed in 10 minutes, yes, quite possible.
So what. Was she supposed to have a sit down tea-party with them and reveal how shady he was?
You can twist the story around all you want.
What she did was morally/ethically correct. Was the GF supposed to be lead onto a relationship full of lies and expose herself to potential STDs while this guy has a dating profile up and they are both traveling together? Building a relationship on complete betrayal?
She sounded pretty calm and rational, and now she's labeled a "psycho" because she spoke the truth? People are nuts, I swear. Life in denial is so fabulous!! (lol, sarcasm JIK you didn't get that )
Thank you Kat949 for understanding
It was horrible to go through that experience, I had a wonderful Saturday with friends in San Jose and was just trying to get some work-out in and relax on Sunday. I was not looking for drama. I would have preferred for him to call me one day and end the relationship himself. It would have been amicable and if I saw him with a girl later in the street, I would know that there was someone serious in his life and would probably just pass by him without even acknowledging anything. I 50% regret about confronting but how else was I going to know. I did not want to snoop around, all I wanted was the truth from him all this time and I was not getting it for months.
Did I overreact? Perhaps this was another woman he was seeing but in more serious terms but still casual? Perhaps I should have kept my cool? Please advise.
I would have done the same thing. He's only calling you psycho because he got busted. I hope his girlfriend dumps him too.
I would have done the same thing. He's only calling you psycho because he got busted. I hope his girlfriend dumps him too.
The gf is way more invested in this relationship, one thing I forgot to ask her is how long they've been together. I give it over a year, I can confirm from friends but don't care anymore to be honest.
She might forgive him..if he promises to be a "good boy".
I communicated more than once to him that if he finds a woman that he is willing to date seriously to just let me know know and we will part ways. I never agreed to date a guy who already had a girlfriend. The casual part was only because we were just starting to date each other and wanted to keep the options open AT THE BEGINNING. I did not not want to date a guy who is in a relationship already.
I totally understand... something similar happened to me. And like you I was fine with being casual in the beginning but with the thought that if feelings were moving in that direction that we together would explore our feelings and expectations. It is another thing to find out that exploring feelings etc is not in the cards because the guy is already in a committed relationship!
And that is why the OP feels so betrayed. Had she known that the man was in a COMMITTED relationship she would have never even started with him... He concealed this fact to get his cake and eat it too.
Yes, he cheated on his girlfriend (the girl he took on trips with him)... but he MISLEAD the OP. And she has the right to be angry about that. I am sure if she knew he had a girlfriend or a near girlfriend she would have never slept with him... I am sure he knew this as well and that is why he hid the truth.
He's calling her psycho because of psycho behavior. We've all done something stupid and crazy (or most of us), it is still psycho.
Or a Psycho/Stalker.
If I was a woman or man walking down the side walk with my bf/gf, and a person unknown to me walks up and started bombarding me and my bf/gf with wild questions and accusations, the OP would be viewed as a threat. Why would a complete 'Stranger' approaching you on a sidewalk have any credibility? Did the man give the OP and his GF a friendly introduction?
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