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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,037,797 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinawina
BS. If you are casually dating someone and you both agreed to it, then what does it matter who tells you what? Just like you said... Other people told you stuff about people you were seeing but it made no difference in your relationship because y'all had an agreement. No lies were being told and these chicks were not married.
Because they're being wusses inserting themselves into another couples (mine and hers) relationship. NO ONE, I mean, NO ONE respects the person that involves themselves in other peoples relationships.
PS. I wasn't casually dating the person I mentioned. I lived with her for several years. It was a serious relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinawina
Here, this GF had no idea he was seeing someone else and no idea he was on OK Cupid. Does that sound like the same situation to you? Not to mention that he lied to the OP.
We don't really know what she knew (the GF) at all, or what their arrangement was. What she really knew or not, or if they had a non-disclosure agreement. That isnt our business or the OPs.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinawina
Again, if you are seeing someone and claim to them you don't have a GF and are not getting serious with someone, and they find out you were lying, exactly how do they "owe" you anything? What part of the game is that? Like folks don't get angry when you do dumb stuff like that. He shouldn't have been out there lying. Don't play games if you are not willing to lose. LOL
This isn't a game. Dating isn't a game. They owe everyone to do the right thing, even when they FEEL wronged. Even if the guy was a dirtbag (we have no reason to think that), being a dirtbag back is a sheetier tactic. It is like the guy or woman that finds out the person they hooked up with was married. Is it acceptable then to seek out the spouse and tell them what their spouse did? Of course not. It never is. That's a DB maneuver. As bad or worse as the original wrong. It's just psycho.
Good lord, go back and read what she said in her original post. She said she herd rumors about him being somewhat of a player. She said she didn't care that he still had up his online dating profile, and she didn't care if he saw other because she was free to do the same thing. She tried to play the game and got played. Then she got pissed when she saw him with his main squeeze and she couldn't handle it. She has no one to blame but herself.
And in later posts she said she asked straight up, put it out there that she didn't want to be the side chick, and he lied to her. She wanted to casually date someone who was also unattached.
In any case, it's beside the point, because what I am arguing is whether she owes him some kind of silence on his shenanigans. Not whether or not she should have seen it coming.
Here's the player handbook 101... Side chicks are not going to always be easy to control especially if you don't tell them they are side chicks. She could be dumb as a box of rocks but that has nothing to do with the fact HE WAS LYING. If you want to have a girlfriend and have secret women on the side then you have to do better than this. He's getting what he deserves. I don't kow how you sneak around with a girl who DOES NOT WANT to be "that girl" and who told you she didn't, then when you get caught be SHOCKED when she doesn't go away quietly. You don't say, genius? And dude is 50 damn years old? Moron.
his isn't a game. Dating isn't a game. They owe everyone to do the right thing, even when they FEEL wronged. Even if the guy was a dirtbag (we have no reason to think that), being a dirtbag back is a sheetier tactic. It is like the guy or woman that finds out the person they hooked up with was married. Is it acceptable then to seek out the spouse and tell them what their spouse did? Of course not. It never is. That's a DB maneuver. As bad or worse as the original wrong. It's just psycho.
"what part of the game is that" is an expression. It's like an in joke.
As for the bolded? I have no words. What the hell? We're done here. We reside on completely different planets. Godspeed.
I do not think you overreacted. There are two reasons why you may have been feeling this way. You and he were having a casual dating relationship. Then you find out he was having a serious relationship with another woman. That goes out of the agreed type of relationship. If he wished to have a serious relationship, he needed to let you in on it and commit to the other woman. You likely felt like the "other" woman in a cheating type of relationship. That's a horrible place to be put in. You may also have felt you could not trust him since it's possible you already were the "other" woman which you may not have agreed to if you had known in the first place and not bothered wasting your time and feelings on this man.
Either way, he lied to you and you felt hurt. Telling his GF was not necessary, but within your right. He should learn that he can't have it all. She'd have figured it out eventually, but you may have saved her some big heartache later on if she wanted to marry him and he was still cheating on her with some other girl. He was mad because he got caught. His anger is at himself, not you.
My advice, move on to someone more worth your time and investment. He's a low-life.
Bingo! Thanks for understanding my angle. I would have never bothered if I had known there is this "semi-serious" or serious relationship he is having. Waste of my time.
How do you know this? You're assuming they were in a monogamous/closed relationship, not a safe assumption at all. More than once I've met someone I was dating out and about on the town with their boyfriend and no one was doing anything wrong.
They were not in a open relationship, she was furious to hear about the OKC profile, she actually asked me to see it right there. I had to pull out my phone and show it to her. it was bad.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,037,797 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by tulip999
They were not in a open relationship, she was furious to hear about the OKC profile, she actually asked me to see it right there. I had to pull out my phone and show it to her. it was bad.
Ok. Then what he did was wrong AND what you did was wrong.
I hope you learn to not be vengeful in your life and take the high road in the future.
This isn't a game. Dating isn't a game. They owe everyone to do the right thing, even when they FEEL wronged. Even if the guy was a dirtbag (we have no reason to think that), being a dirtbag back is a sheetier tactic. It is like the guy or woman that finds out the person they hooked up with was married. Is it acceptable then to seek out the spouse and tell them what their spouse did? Of course not. It never is. That's a DB maneuver. As bad or worse as the original wrong. It's just psycho.
I wouldn't go so far as saying it is worse, but let's not pretend these actions are rooted in altruism. A woman doesn't tell another woman that her husband/BF has been cheating on her with the first woman out of some sort of "allegiance" to womanhood. She does it because she wants vengeance, pure and simple.
The BF, or whatever he is, is a douchebag only if he has promised this other girl that she is the only one. Even in that case, he's not being a douchebag to the OP--just the other girl. That's the other girl's problem.
OP, you should have just moved along, but you didn't. Now you can because you know the score. So move along.
ETA: Timberline beat me to the vengeance conclusion. Yep.
Oh please. Pathetic arguments. I've had to put people in their place when they approached me that my ladyfriend (not current, past) was banging others, I told them to grow up and mind their own business and stop being little (female dogs). They were wusses trying to create drama.
It really is amazing how many people think it is ok to involve themselves in the relationships of others. It is not.
There is zero reason to believe the dude was cheating on anyone with the info we have. This person was just jilted and trying to create drama like a school girl.
He is not cheating, just not covering the truth to dupe as many women as possible to sleep with him..bravo!
Ok. Then what he did was wrong AND what you did was wrong.
I hope you learn to not be vengeful in your life and take the high road in the future.
I agree, vengefulness is bad, I am human, still learning these things. To be honest, nothing like this even happened to me before. Next time i will know better, just to walk away from the problem
However, the so called gf was going to be cheated on nonetheless...with another side woman
It was a casual relationship from the beginning. You were not dating him exclusively; there was no question about that. Maybe you were in denial about the status of your relationship, but live and learn.
My advice: If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen. That is, if you can't handle casual sex outside of exclusivity, then stop doing it.
I think you owe him an apology. The fact is, who he spends time with when he isn't with you is not your business. In my opinion, he wasn't "cheating" because there was no exclusive relationship.
I see the point made here BUT he lied about the wedding etc...i'd be caught way off guard running into a gf and hearing a truth I was unaware of. I say dumb things when I'm hoodwinked and I walk into them. And he calls her a psycho later. Really? What a douche.
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