Should I pay for my girlfriend's dinner's if her friends or family is inviting me out? (wives, married)
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She says that she talked to it over with her friends and that they agreed that I should pay cause I am boyfriend, and she thinks so too. And now I am not invited to any more functions.
Fine. Uninvite yourself from her life. End of story.
The person who does the inviting, pays. If my daughter had a boyfriend, and we invited him to come out to dinner with us, no way would he be expected to pay.
Is there some ethnic component at play here that we are not aware of?
Under the circumstances you site, I would tell the girlfriend you can't afford to participate in every group event she comes up with. Then, I would consider getting a new girlfriend.
If she said, my friends want to meet at La Ristorante for dinner, do you want to go? That's a bit different. You might pick up the check for the 2 of you in that circumstance. It sounds as if you feel the girl is not keeping up her end though.
Last edited by gentlearts; 10-04-2014 at 05:05 PM..
Okay thanks. But she reacted quite harshly, and said that other women's boyfriend do it at the table, so I shouldn't have a problem with it. And she is quite pissed off now, now that I said I was not I was not going to pay for the upcoming birthday. She said that I not invited to any more functions, and she expects me to pay cause I "can afford it and other boyfriends do it too" as she puts it.
Where is she getting that from? If you've told her you can't afford it, that should be the end of it. How can she claim otherwise?
Honestly, this does not sound like someone who cares about you at all. She is very self-centered. I would end things with her if I were you.
OP, consider this a lesson learned. Dust yourself off, pick yourself up, and move on with your life. You'll find a woman who shares your priorities eventually.
OP, consider this a lesson learned. Dust yourself off, pick yourself up, and move on with your life. You'll find a woman who shares your priorities eventually.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by adventuregurl
Here's something to consider: she is a poor handler of money or she wouldn't be in debt at such a young age. You sound like you have a sensible head on your shoulders and understand that saving is important.
I agree with other posters that you should do what you consider doable for yourself and nothing more. I'd have a talk with her about it and if she plays the "this is my culture" card, let her know that it's not your culture and then tell her about yours (including the saving ad no debt part). Then you can try to compromise between the two somehow.
I'd make it completely clear that in your culture the one who invites pays. Then invite her and pay when you want to go out on a date, and if she invites you somewhere, check in to make sure she remembers your deal, and accept or decline accordingly. She'll get it. If she doesn't accept it, maybe she's not for you. Remind her that she can always invite you to do something that is not costly or does not involve money.
I completely agree with spending your dating money on dates that the two of you go on alone and maybe the odd family event, like once every month or two.
Lastly, I honestly can't believe her family is not paying for you when they take themselves out. Maybe the reason they're not paying for her is that then they'd feel that they have to pay for you and don't want to.
I agree. She has overspent herself, and now she wants to overspend him too.
I brought it up nicely or so I thought, but she says I am being greedy and I should have to pay cause I'm the guy.
I will give her some time and see what she says. I do love her, and it has become serious.
Are customs more old-fashioned where you come from? Even so, it doesn't matter. It's not even about you paying or not paying. It's about too many dinners out, too much extravagance, taken for granted. She sounds spoiled.
I agree. She has overspent herself, and now she wants to overspend him too.
Yeah. She wants to get him into lots of debt too, and once she's used him up, she'll probably dump him anyway and try to find another guy to suck money from.
I brought it up nicely or so I thought, but she says I am being greedy and I should have to pay cause I'm the guy.
I will give her some time and see what she says. I do love her, and it has become serious.
No. No. No. No. No.
Why is she in debt, any way? I bet it's credit cards, isn't it? Yeah. It's credit cards.
Move on man. She's going to suck you dry, and not in a good way.
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