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Guys. Let's get this straight. We were very committed to each other past NY. For a year and a half.
It's the lies and the lengths she went to hide what she did that are the problem for me. And it sounds like you are dismissing the fact that she completely lied to, for over a year, someone who is supposed to have the deepest trust in you.
I know. I edited my post above.
Nobody's dismissing anything; you asked for our thoughts on the situation. I can only speak for myself: I gave you mine. I'm not saying what she did was wonderful, but you asked for thoughts. My thoughts were: she had zero clue what to expect from you since you were basically straight out with the fact that she was a fallback, yet at the same time she realized that you (perhaps unfairly, given the aforementioned) would have freaked out and broken things off entirely if she went to someone else. Only you were allowed to do that.
As for "having the deepest trust," she was supposed to be able to give you that "deepest trust" but you were allowed to bounce back to your ex at any given moment? You're pizzed that only you were the one to be allowed to be untrustworthy "per-commitment"?
Nobody's dismissing anything; you asked for our thoughts on the situation. I can only speak for myself: I gave you mine. I'm not saying what she did was wonderful, but you asked for thoughts. My thoughts were: she had zero clue what to expect from you since you were basically straight out with the fact that she was a fallback, yet at the same time she realized that you (perhaps unfairly, given the aforementioned) would have freaked out and broken things off entirely if she went to someone else. Only you were allowed to do that.
As for "having the deepest trust," she was supposed to be able to give you that "deepest trust" but you were allowed to bounce back to your ex at any given moment? You're pizzed that only you were the one to be allowed to be untrustworthy "per-commitment"?
Those are my thoughts on the situation.
I gave her the ability to make a decision about me with all the facts. She did not afford me that. I would not have left had she admitted she hooked up at the music fest. But flying to NY for a weekend of sex while we are talking and hooking up with me the day she returned, yes, probably.
I'm pissed about the deceit. I feel manipulated. Scratch that, I was manipulated.
I gave her the ability to make a decision about me with all the facts. She did not afford me that. I would not have left had she admitted she hooked up at the music fest. (snip)
Really? Because you JUST said:
Quote:
I'm super pissed she didn't tell me because I 100% would have lost interest at the time.
...which obviously, she knew.
Time to get past this. How long ago did you break up?
Once again I want to talk about the generality of lying pre exclusivity and how it should impact the relationship should it be discovered.
I shared my story as an example and as a basis of my opinion on the matter.
If you don't have anything to add in that regard, please leave the thread.
I don't know what you expect people to tell you. Don't go out with a liar. Once someone lies to you dump them. Liars don't make good partners. How is any of this news to you?
So I've seen versions of this heavily debated on CD. Here's my story, shortened version.
GF and I, now ex, start hooking up. I am upfront after a few weeks that I still have feelings for another girl and tell her I'm trying to work it out with my ex.
About a month goes by. We start talking again / hooking up again as getting back with exes never works. She goes to NY to visit her brother. When she returns, we begin dating exclusively.
About 6 months later she comes clean that she hooked up with someone in NY. I'm super pissed she didn't tell me because I 100% would have lost interest at the time. But I let it go because we weren't exclusive and at this point my feelings are deep.
However her story stinks. Things don't add up and I grow suspicious. I snoop. Whatever, I'm not going to debate the merits of it, I did it because of lack of trust. Low and behold she never saw her brother. She flew out there to bang some dude she met at a music festival during that month I was talking to my ex. She went as far as to have her bro txt her evidence that she stayed with him to further the lie. Which I think is ridiculous. Why lie when you're "coming clean?"
I felt I was up front and honest about my dealings with other women. She was deceitful and was even deceitful when she "came clean." I have since dumped her over this and some other lies, which she didn't even need to tell.
Your guys thoughts on the situation?
You were with your ex at the time so it's not like she cheated on you. You're just pissed she was banging somebody instead of being all down in the dumps about you banging your girlfriend. Suck it up, buttercup, not all of us chicks are wallflowers and doormats. At least she came clean about it.
I don't know what you expect people to tell you. Don't go out with a liar. Once someone lies to you dump them. Liars don't make good partners. How is any of this news to you?
I was pissed about NY. Not the music festival. Come on now, don't misrepresent here.
Uh. What? You said you'd have broken up with her if you'd known about NY. Right? I didn't say you broke up with her because she went to the music festival...?
I think you're not reading clearly and are not really understanding. I never said you'd have broken up with her for going to the music festival. Unless I'm the one who's not understanding? And you said you'd have broken up with her if you knew about NY. Isn't that correct? And I said she knew that and that's why she lied to you about it.
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