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When someone is on their first few dates, they are on their best behavior. If the person can't put away the phone then, what's the rest of the relationship going to be like?
Yet in truth, people who check their mobile phones during a one-hour dinner don't generally do it once. They do it multiple times, almost compulsively. We had that happen to us Friday night. The wife in the couple we met for dinner was literally checking her phone every five to ten minutes as her son sent her updates about a high school basketball game. Mind you, her son wasn't playing and it wasn't even a close game. But MrsCPG commented later, it told us that she would have rather been elsewhere.
Look, here's the deal. There is a difference between being an adult and being a grownup. Adulthood is merely a biological stage of life. Being a grownup is a matter of personal maturity. If you cannot stay focused on the person you're with for sixty minutes, then I feel you aren't a grownup yet. It's not all about you all the time. I mean, hey, there have been zillions of times when I've wanted to check my phone. But what I would have been telling the person in question is that my phone was more important than him or her. And that's really a bad message to be sending the other person.
Or maybe... if she would have rather been elsewhere... she would have been elsewhere. Stop trying to read people's minds and presume what they are thinking or feeling.
And try to learn how to walk and chew gum at the same time. Grownups learn not to be so singular minded.
When someone is on their first few dates, they are on their best behavior. If the person can't put away the phone then, what's the rest of the relationship going to be like?
Exactly the same. So if you don't like that then best you find out now not later.
Or maybe... if she would have rather been elsewhere... she would have been elsewhere. Stop trying to read people's minds and presume what they are thinking or feeling.
And try to learn how to walk and chew gum at the same time. Grownups learn not to be so singular minded.
Actually, if her attention was elsewhere as evidenced by the prolonged conversation in the middle of the date, then she should not have agreed to go on the date in the first place. Further, actions are very much revealing of state of mind. Anyone with an ounce of wisdom knows that what a person does is far more important than what a person says. Anybody can say the right things. Doing the right things takes a little more.
Your gratuitous insult aside, yes grownups do learn to be singular-minded. It's otherwise known as being focused on the matter at hand. If you have the attention span of a tsetse fly during dinner, and insist on yapping on the phone rather than giving your companion your attention, then you are rude. Not much wiggle room in that.
That being said, the 'friend' of the OP was even ruder for leaving.
Actually, if her attention was elsewhere as evidenced by the prolonged conversation in the middle of the date, then she should not have agreed to go on the date in the first place. Further, actions are very much revealing of state of mind. Anyone with an ounce of wisdom knows that what a person does is far more important than what a person says. Anybody can say the right things. Doing the right things takes a little more.
Exactly. And what she "did" was take the time and effort to get herself dressed and ready to go to dinner (which is no small feat for some women), drive/ride to the restaurant, and sit down to order. But you ignore all that and presume that she would rather be elsewhere because she is texting periodically with her teen kid.
Got kids? If so you would know that kids come first to most mothers and you would also know that as kids get to that age they tend to want nothing to do with you so you better appreciate the moments they give you. How self-centered is it to demand that a "friend" give you her singular undivided attention to the exclusion of her kids?
That being said, if you often have a problem with people at the dinner table being more interested in their phone than you then maybe you're just not that interesting?
Exactly. And what she "did" was take the time and effort to get herself dressed and ready to go to dinner (which is no small feat for some women), drive/ride to the restaurant, and sit down to order. But you ignore all that and presume that she would rather be elsewhere because she is texting periodically with her teen kid.
Got kids? If so you would know that kids come first to most mothers and you would also know that as kids get to that age they tend to want nothing to do with you so you better appreciate the moments they give you. How self-centered is it to demand that a "friend" give you her singular undivided attention to the exclusion of her kids?
Well, the guy likely made preparations of his own. Let's see. He booked the reservations and, unless he showed up in a Lakers t-shirt and cutoffs, likely dressed for dinner, too.
Actually, I have three children who are beloved. 20, 18, and 15. And our kids still enjoy our company. Yet, we are not members of the Cult Of The Child. We do not dance around our children banging tambourines 24/7. We had lives before our children came along and we plan to have lives after the last one packs up and goes to college. We love our children, but do not smother them with attention. We teach them that our desire to have time with friends is not a reflection of a diminished love of them. We assume that they are living confident and happy enough lives that they can go three hours on a Friday night without hearing from us.
We do not teach our children to treat us like their oxygen bottle. This lack of cloying attention likely explains why our children still like being around us. As a result, we do not stop what we're doing, whatever it is, to reply to a text message over a basketball game. Hey, if my phone is blowing up with messages, I'll stop to look to make sure it's not an emergency. But a self-confident child knows that it can wait. And we have raised self-confident children.
Umpteen text messages with a teenager over a basketball game isn't love -- it's the mark of co-dependence. It's also rude.
That being said, if you often have a problem with people at the dinner table being more interested in their phone than you then maybe you're just not that interesting?
I get it. You compulsively check your phone at the dinner table and need to rationalize your actions. It's not your fault. It's the fault of everybody else.
Waaaaa!! Y'all sound like a bunch of toddlers throwing a tantrum because the focus is not all on you every second. Can't deal with someone or something else getting attention for a minute. Do you whine and cry if your date glances away to look at the decor of the restaurant? Or if they read a blurb on the menu about the history of the restaurant? Do you have to fill every second of the date with your talking, talking, talking? Me me me me me! Waaaa. You looked at your phone. Waaaa. Me me me! It's about me!
Waaaaa!! Y'all sound like a bunch of toddlers throwing a tantrum because the focus is not all on you every second. Can't deal with someone or something else getting attention for a minute. Do you whine and cry if your date glances away to look at the decor of the restaurant? Or if they read a blurb on the menu about the history of the restaurant? Do you have to fill every second of the date with your talking, talking, talking? Me me me me me! Waaaa. You looked at your phone. Waaaa. Me me me! It's about me!
Please...that's not what it's about at all and you know it.
You know why you are on a date, You know people are taking time out of their day for you, you know people are going out of their way to make a nice night for you etc etc.
Do the same and give back what you are receiving or stay at home and be on your phone "multitasking" with others if that's all you want to do.
It's rude, disrespectful and ignorant.
Justify it however you like. If your attention is constantly being deviated elsewhere you are not in the moment. You are putting YOUR needs over others instead of meeting the other half way.
Nobody else is at fault for your inability to turn a phone off or lack of impulse control.
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