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Maybe, but I went to a very liberal hippy school in undergrad where people were super mellow (usually stoned) and laid back and this would still be expected. There is never any harm in it.
Okay. I'll add that to my "rule" book. The one that apparently doesn't exist according to the posters here.
It depends on who you ask. My best female friend told me last night it wouldn't have mattered to her either way. At least not the very next day. Maybe after a week, there would certainly be some concern. I think the demographics of this forum is mostly middle-aged Midwestern men/women with more traditional values. It doesn't necessarily reflect the values of the entire younger, modern culture.
At any rate, I think people are trying to make an issue out of it where an issue doesn't necessarily exist to paint me as the responsible party (because shame on anyone who comes here with their problems; I've noticed that with this forum, which to me is ironic on an advice-oriented forum). I didn't go weeks without talking to this girl. It was two days. I've been initiating everything. I've been the one contacting her mostly. I did not just disappear on her after that. Two days after I texted her. Three days after, I called her. Calm down, people.
You have people of diverse backgrounds and age groups in this thread all echoing the same value that was missing in your encounter with Ms. Sunday: a courtesy follow-up after your first time having sex together, especially with someone you want something more with, but whateva'. Your friend's jealous and wants you to fail. We're strangers more likely to give objective opinions and advice without worrying about crushing your ego, pretty boy.
Good luck on the next date, she seems to be forgiving. After the next sexy fun time, don't neglect her in the days to follow. Agree?
You clearly didn't read the post or at least understand what's going on here. I've been with plenty of women, too. I've slept with them, I've dated them, I've been in relationships with them.
So what's the problem then? If you're not enjoying yourself then why keep doing it?
Like I said, It took TONS of women until I finally found one worth giving the rest up for. If you don't enjoy the dating or the sex, either make it more fun or don't go out on dates with girls who you aren't 100% sure about. It's usually not hard to tell the genuine ones from the wishy washy ones.
Also, FYI, I could never imagine having sex with a girl I liked and not talking to her the next day lol. Even if I didn't like her that much, I mean damn. In fact, she'd have to be pretty damn bad to not get any contact, in which case I wouldn't care what she thinks.
So what's the problem then? If you're not enjoying yourself then why keep doing it?
Like I said, It took TONS of women until I finally found one worth giving the rest up for. If you don't enjoy the dating or the sex, either make it more fun or don't go out on dates with girls who you aren't 100% sure about. It's usually not hard to tell the genuine ones from the wishy washy ones.
Also, FYI, I could never imagine having sex with a girl I liked and not talking to her the next day lol. Even if I didn't like her that much, I mean damn. In fact, she'd have to be pretty damn bad to not get any contact, in which case I wouldn't care what she thinks.
A bad luck streak, I guess. The last several girls I've met have been flakes. It's extremely discouraging. And as someone who doesn't get out much and someone who doesn't do the whole cold-approach thing that well, it's not like I have tons of options. It's easier for some people, who either have tons of people chasing them or who have no problem chasing a ton of people. I'm not good at either. I tend to put my focus on one, maybe two or three people at a time max. So when it doesn't work out, it's like rebuilding a house after it was knocked down in a tornado. It's tiring. It's discouraging. It's frustrating. I don't know what to tell you. Walk a mile in my shoes...
Also, FYI, I could never imagine having sex with a girl I liked and not talking to her the next day lol. Even if I didn't like her that much, I mean damn. In fact, she'd have to be pretty damn bad to not get any contact, in which case I wouldn't care what she thinks.
Exactly. Even ones I knew were one off encounters and I'd likely never see the person again I'd at least have the courtesy of a contact the next day.
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Originally Posted by Lafleur
Okay. I'll add that to my "rule" book. The one that apparently doesn't exist according to the posters here.
Is saying thank you a rule? No, but you do it out of habit. It's just courtesy.
You have people of diverse backgrounds and age groups in this thread all echoing the same value that was missing in your encounter with Ms. Sunday: a courtesy follow-up after your first time having sex together, especially with someone you want something more with, but whateva'. Your friend's jealous and wants you to fail. We're strangers more likely to give objective opinions and advice without worrying about crushing your ego, pretty boy.
Good luck on the next date, she seems to be forgiving. After the next sexy fun time, don't neglect her in the days to follow. Agree?
Yeesh, you make it sound like I cheated on this woman; like I've committed the greatest of all sins.
Yes, I will be more aware of my contact protocol if/when the next "sexy fun time" occurs.
It depends on who you ask. My best female friend told me last night it wouldn't have mattered to her either way. At least not the very next day. Maybe after a week, there would certainly be some concern. I think the demographics of this forum is mostly middle-aged Midwestern men/women with more traditional values. It doesn't necessarily reflect the values of the entire younger, modern culture.
I'm not sure why you assume that because we are saying that you should have called her after sleeping with her for the first time after you had contacted her after your other dates that it is because we are old, Midwesterners with traditional values. On this thread, I'm pretty sure you have a wide variety of ages, locations, and values. I, for one, do not fit any of your assumptions.
Quote:
At any rate, I think people are trying to make an issue out of it where an issue doesn't necessarily exist to paint me as the responsible party (because shame on anyone who comes here with their problems; I've noticed that with this forum, which to me is ironic on an advice-oriented forum). I didn't go weeks without talking to this girl. It was two days. I've been initiating everything up to this point. I've been the one contacting her mostly. I did not just disappear on her after that night like a dbag would do. Two days after I texted her. Three days after, I called her. Calm down, people.
We aren't trying to shame you. You came on here with a problem and we are trying to point out to you how you might have handled things differently and how you might want to handle things differently in the future. Do you want things to work or not? I understand that you are feeling defensive because you feel ganged up on - but don't simply lash out and ignore everyone here since almost every single person has told you the same thing.
Whether you contacted her after 2 days or 3 days - those are still days when you didn't contact her after sleeping with her. I'm not trying to berate you - just trying to show you how she might be feeling. She didn't KNOW that you were going to contact her again eventually. And if you had done all the contacting up until that point - don't you think she might have been a wee bit upset that you decided to stop all of a sudden right after you slept with her? That's all we are trying to point out to you. You are only focused on your side of things - which is good up to a point - but not when you discount her feelings and then make assumptions about her all at the same time.
We aren't trying to shame you. You came on here with a problem and we are trying to point out to you how you might have handled things differently and how you might want to handle things differently in the future. Do you want things to work or not? I understand that you are feeling defensive because you feel ganged up on - but don't simply lash out and ignore everyone here since almost every single person has told you the same thing.
I'm not ignoring anybody here. I've acknowledged and implemented plenty of the advice given. At the same time, I do indeed feel ganged up on and like you're trying to shame me for an OP that you may not agree with. This is not a novel concept. It happens all the time on this forum. Someone posts something a bit edgy or dramatic, and they get lit up by a swath of people who ardently disagree with them. If ya'll could learn how to approach the sensitive, personal issues that are broadcast here tactfully, respectfully, and objectively, that'd be frickin' superb! There are some good, kind, well-thought out posts in this thread. Learn from them.
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Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
Whether you contacted her after 2 days or 3 days - those are still days when you didn't contact her after sleeping with her. I'm not trying to berate you - just trying to show you how she might be feeling. She didn't KNOW that you were going to contact her again eventually. And if you had done all the contacting up until that point - don't you think she might have been a wee bit upset that you decided to stop all of a sudden right after you slept with her? That's all we are trying to point out to you. You are only focused on your side of things - which is good up to a point - but not when you discount her feelings and then make assumptions about her all at the same time.
But that's just it. We were not in touch every day prior to this event. The routine did not drastically change after we had sex as it's being construed on here. The communication routine is exactly the same as it was prior. Therefore, I didn't think it made much of a difference at the time.
At any rate, I get it. I will be more conscientious of the contact protocol after physical intimacy.
I'm not ignoring anybody here. I've acknowledged and implemented plenty of the advice given. At the same time, I do indeed feel ganged up on and like you're trying to shame me for an OP that you may not agree with. This is not a novel concept. It happens all the time on this forum. Someone posts something a bit edgy or dramatic, and they get lit up by a swath of people who ardently disagree with them. If ya'll could learn how to approach the sensitive, personal issues that are broadcast here tactfully, respectfully, and objectively, that'd be frickin' superb! There are some good, kind, well-thought out posts in this thread. Learn from them.
Your OP was more than a bit edgy or dramatic - I think you know that. And if you are only looking for sensitive, kind, sweet responses - I'm unsure of why you posted your thread here. I think that all of my posts have been good and well thought out! You are the one that said that we were all old, Midwestern, traditional people - and I'm simply pointing out to you that that is erroneous. I can only speak for myself - but that is erroneous in regards to me. I know that you meant it as in insult - and although I'm not from the Midwest, I do have many middle aged, more traditional friends whose opinion I greatly value.
Quote:
But that's just it. We were not in touch every day prior to this event. The routine did not drastically change after we had sex as it's being construed on here. The communication routine is exactly the same as it was prior. Therefore, I didn't think it made much of a difference at the time.
At any rate, I get it. I will be more conscientious of the contact protocol after physical intimacy.
I'm glad that you will be more conscientious in the future. Sex changes things when it is with someone you want to see more of. If it's a one night stand - then it doesn't really matter. But sex does change things.
But that's just it. We were not in touch every day prior to this event. The routine did not drastically change after we had sex as it's being construed on here. The communication routine is exactly the same as it was prior. Therefore, I didn't think it made much of a difference at the time.
I'm really sorry to hear it.
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You are the one that said that we were all old, Midwestern, traditional people - and I'm simply pointing out to you that that is erroneous. I can only speak for myself - but that is erroneous in regards to me. I know that you meant it as in insult - and although I'm not from the Midwest, I do have many middle aged, more traditional friends whose opinion I greatly value. 