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Are men forgetting that we're out on a date and trying to show interest in each other? Im the type thats introverted and have a lot of walls up, so Im hesitant to open myself up to a complete stranger. If he does things to me that makes me feel safe and comfortable with him where I can lose some inhibitions, then he's someone important to me that I see as special because of how he makes me feel.
Its not making a demand out of someone because a lot of guys dont know how to tap into women like me, its just accepting that Im not going to make a man important to me without first knowing his level of interest in me. And how he treats me, the effort he puts into showing that I mean something to him, determines that level.
I'm the same as you. Introverted and kind of guarded. But if I wanted a woman, I'd make her feel good. If she doesn't do the same for me, I want nothing to do with her. I have no time for selfish women who want to take and never give.
Are you calling my perspective selfish or someone elses? Because I dont see it as selfish at all. You treat me like Im worth your effort, then I'll give the same in return. What are we even on a date for, why even ask me out if you dont intend on making me feel like youre really into me? When I feel that way then I treat a guy differently than some rag who thinks women should be all over him merely for being in his presence.
No Im not going to make a guy special to me before I guage how he feels first. Are you kidding me? Men run away from women who are into them before men get to pursue them.
Are you calling my perspective selfish or someone elses? Because I dont see it as selfish at all. You treat me like Im worth your effort, then I'll give the same in return. What are we even on a date for, why even ask me out if you dont intend on making me feel like youre really into me? When I feel that way then I treat a guy differently than some rag who thinks women should be all over him merely for being in his presence.
Not talking about you. I meant women who take and take but never give. That is selfish.
Are you calling my perspective selfish or someone elses? Because I dont see it as selfish at all. You treat me like Im worth your effort, then I'll give the same in return. What are we even on a date for, why even ask me out if you dont intend on making me feel like youre really into me? When I feel that way then I treat a guy differently than some rag who thinks women should be all over him merely for being in his presence.
Why does they guy have to show it first? Most likely, he asked you out. Isn't that him showing interest in you? Why can't you show the same level of interest at the same time?
Honestly, I think this is the flaw in some women's thought-processes with regards to dating. At what point does the woman think she needs to step up and start pursuing the guy? No wonder dudes disappear on some of you after a few dates. I'm about to do the same thing with a girl, because the guy probably has no indication that you're that interested in them with this standoffish approach you're advocating.
I think its a given that a guy should make his date feel comfortable and at ease. However, if you expect men to display chivalry, entertain you, impress you or put you on a pedestal - i think you missed that boat by couple of decades. Remember, gender equality isnt only when its comvenient. It either is or isnt. If chivalry was actually rewarded and most women acted like ladies, you would have all men acting in the way that you wish.
Why does they guy have to show it first? Most likely, he asked you out. Isn't that him showing interest in you? Why can't you show the same level of interest at the same time?
Honestly, I think this is the flaw in some women's thought-processes with regards to dating. At what point does the woman think she needs to step up and start pursuing the guy? No wonder dudes disappear on some of you after a few dates. I'm about to do the same thing with a girl, because the guy probably has no indication that you're that interested in them with this standoffish approach you're advocating.
Another good point. Show some interest ladies. There is only so much interest I can show in a woman before I bail on her.
I think its a given that a guy should make his date feel comfortable and at ease. However, if you expect men to display chivalry, entertain you, impress you or put you on a pedestal - i think you missed that boat by couple of decades. Remember, gender equality isnt only when its comvenient. It either is or isnt. If chivalry was actually rewarded and most women acted like ladies, you would have all men acting in the way that you wish.
IMO, if the guy is genuinely interested in the woman as a person, then the "effort" on his end to make her feel good will come naturally for the most part. Even if he's mildly shy. The execution may be smooth or it may be awkward, but more importantly it wouldn't feel fake. He wouldn't have to think about "oh I gotta ask her questions" or "oh I need to make her laugh"...the questions and intrigue would just come on their own. Likewise for the woman towards the guy.
Exceptions: the guy has severe social anxiety...or is utterly socially incompetent due to living a highly sheltered life.
That said, making another person (in general, not just dating) feel at ease via various methods is an essential soft skill that should be learned by one's early-to-mid-20s or so. You don't need to have a PhD in psychology in order to do that.
On a date, there's a big difference between making the woman feel comfortable and putting her on a pedestal (i.e. being a people-pleaser). Don't do the latter.
When you're comfortable in your own skin, it's a lot easier for others to feel at ease in your presence. That goes for both men and women.
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