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So, i ve been in a relationship with a man i adore for the last 10 months. We are in love,we will be movingin together the second part of this year. He is 29, i just turned 33. We ve talked kids: we both want them, we even picked names. The thing is that he wants to finish his phd before kids, thats in around 2-3 years, so ill be 35 ish, afraid it might be hard to start trying at that age.
Dont like to start trying now, or even this year, but will like to start trying next year maybe.
Should i tell him this? Should i pressure him with this topic or should i just let it flow and be happy knowing be are both commited and want a family together?
Everything in our relationship is perfect, but he wants to wait 2 to 3 years to start trying and ill like to wait 1 to 2 years. Should i be mentioning this to him now or just wait a while?
I don't see where open communication with him would be a bad thing. The reality is, fertility does decrease with age. It doesn't mean you can't have children later or that it would even be difficult, but it is something to think about.
Maybe you can compromise and have kids in 2 years instead of 3, even if he isn't finished with his phd. You won't know if you never talk about it.
Our Daughter and Son In Law had 2 children when he was working toward his Phd but in your situation you think you know this man well enough to move in with him after 10 months so I would guess you could talk to him about anything.
I don't think there's an easy solution here. If you start now or soon he won't have much money to spend on the child, but if you wait too long you might have to spend money on fertility treatments. Time wise, he's probably in a better position than if he was working a FT job. I know it can be done though because one of my professors had his kids during his PhD program and one of the math PhD candidates was pregnant when I took her class a few years ago.
We did talk about it actually. He brought it up in a trip we did last november, he also asked me to live with him. He said he was serious about us, and asked me if i wanted to live with im in 2015, then asked me about kids, and then we had a long conversation abouth how to raise a kid to know if we were in the same page. It turns out we were. Then, we talked timing:he said he wanted to finish phd first, 3 years more. I said ok, but that i wanted to already be a mom by 2018, he said ok.
After that we didnt talk about timing anymore, just names and stuff. The established idea is that we will start trying in 2017, but i actually wanna start in 2016.
I know its nothing, but that 1 year difference can mean a lot at this age. I was thinking in bringing this up when we are living together and everything is going great and our relationship is already 1 and a half year old. What do u guys think? Experiences about this?
We did talk about it actually. He brought it up in a trip we did last november, he also asked me to live with him. He said he was serious about us, and asked me if i wanted to live with im in 2015, then adked me about kids, and then we had a long conversation abouth how to raise a kid to know if we were in the same page. It turns out we were. Then, we talked timing:he said he wanted to finish phd first, 3 years more. I said ok, but that i wanted to already be a mom by 2018, he said ok.
After that we didnt talk about timing anymore, just names and staff. The established idea is that we will start trying in 2017, but i actually wanna start in 2016.
I know its nothing, but that 1 year difference can mean a lot at this age. I was thinking in bringing this up when we are living together and everything is going great and our relationship is already 1 and a half year old. What do u guys think? Experiences about this?
One conversation doesn't mean things are said and done. Of course you talk about it again if you are thinking about it. My husband and I talked about having kids probably a hundred times and we continually reassessed when we wanted to do it.
I don't think there's an easy solution here. If you start now or soon he won't have much money to spend on the child, but if you wait too long you might have to spend money on fertility treatments. Time wise, he's probably in a better position than if he was working a FT job. I know it can be done though because one of my professors had his kids during his PhD program and one of the math PhD candidates was pregnant when I took her class a few years ago.
Yeah, thats what i was thinking. I dont wana wait that much, risking the possibility. If we start next year, it will be ok causei turn 34 next year, and have read it starts getting more difficult after 35, so i just wanna start trying getting peegnant before that age. We still have 2 years since i just turned 33!
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You're not married, and you've yet to even live with each other. You need to be patient and make sure the relationship can handle children. Getting married is NOTHING compared to having children, and you're not even married. Nothing any of us can do or say will prepare you for the life changing event that is having a child. Your relationship with this man is no where near prepared for that. Don't let your age influence your decision. It would be a huge mistake.
One conversation doesn't mean things are said and done. Of course you talk about it again if you are thinking about it. My husband and I talked about having kids probably a hundred times and we continually reassessed when we wanted to do it.
Yeah, but we talk kids all the time. "Our kids this, our kids that"they are in the future conversations all the time.
We just didnt set an exact date yet, i wanna drop the bomb to him that it might be sooner than he expects, lol
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