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Your family needs to know. As a matter of fact, as a sign that he understands how horrific his actions were, you should demand he (1) seek counseling, and (2) follow that up by telling your family himself what he did.
You'll have to tell your parents sooner or later, as they'll wonder why he's not coming around, why you two aren't seeing each other. Or he might call the house to ask for you, and might say you two have hit a rough patch. Better it comes from you than from him, or them guessing at what's going on.
Does your dad have a history of going ballistic on people?
My boyfriend has NEVER acted this way before and I've known him for 3 years.
I have heard a saying before, that if a man has hit a woman once, he'll do it again.
Now, he's never hit me before.
Would you consider being pushed the way I was an incident of "physical abuse"?
What should I do? Forgive him or forget about him?
Always a first time before you can have an "again." ...
Depends on if he is smarter the next time he gets drunk.
Maybe it was not a hit, but its close enough. A hit or a violent shove like that is the same thing under Law. An Assault. (or Physical abuse....)
If it was a one time deal under the Influence, the drinking till drunk has to stop. If it doesn't, then your part of the problem too. I would give him a chance not to drink, and you need to lay down the Law what drinking will do. If your drinking with him, your both to blame. Set the ground rules...If he is going to continue getting drunk, you may as well leave now...Who wants a drunk for a spouse.
If being drunk was his excuse, because he did not know what he was doing, do you think he is going to be smarter the next time he gets drunk?
He should be, you are right. And he SOUNDS extremely apologetic and ashamed now. As for myself, I suppose I meant rather "so shocked" at what he did that I don't know how to tell my family.
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Here's the thing - nobody can tell you what to do and nobody can see the future. I know that if I were in your shoes, it wouldn't be an easy decision for me to make. If it was my husband that did this - I'm not sure I would just leave him. I would probably demand counseling - both individual and couples - and I would make him promise not to drink for a long time. But here's the thing - my husband never pushed me or hit me and he never will. Your boyfriend did.
I've left him for now (doesn't mean suddenly stopped loving him). If we ever do get back together, it will be a while before I can forgive (if ever) and move on. If we do get back together, counseling will have to be one of the conditions. My trust was broken.
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You need to tell your family and clear up any questions they have. You are still defending and protecting him and you shouldn't be. His actions resulted in you having bruises. That is unacceptable.
Yes, I know that. And if I do tell them, I know that he will never be accepted by my family again in the event that we do get back together. I know I need time now. Love him but cannot forgive him yet or anytime soon.
Does your dad have a history of going ballistic on people?
He is very protective of me and my sisters. When we were younger (hight school dating and the young "girlie stuff"), he'd make sure we always told him where we went , with who, when we'd get back home, and how he could contact us if he were worried. Always told us to call if anything were happening to us. He'd pick us up at night from outings with friends. He did, at one time, when I was dating a guy in HS that my parents did not like and considered a bad influence on me, tell me that if I didn't break it off, he would tell the guy himself. I believe if he found out my BF physically pushed me, he would at least verbally confront him about it in not exactly the nicest of ways.
He is very protective of me and my sisters. When we were younger (hight school dating and the young "girlie stuff"), he'd make sure we always told him where we went , with who, when we'd get back home, and how he could contact us if he were worried. Always told us to call if anything were happening to us. He'd pick us up at night from outings with friends. He did, at one time, when I was dating a guy in HS that my parents did not like and considered a bad influence on me, tell me that if I didn't break it off, he would tell the guy himself. I believe if he found out my BF physically pushed me, he would at least verbally confront him about it in not exactly the nicest of ways.
If a man ever put his hands on me while we were together....it's over.
No ifs ands or buts. I don't care how much he "loves" me or apologizes. I have witnessed too many situations like this, and they ALWAYS get worse.
^^^^^^^This! 100%!
I've never had a guy physically hurt me while in a relationship. If it happened just one time, regardless of how long we'd been together, I'd walk right out the door and not look back. That is a 100% immediate dealbreaker in my book.
OP, to be honest if he has NEVER hurt you in any way, is not verbally abusive, and this only happened when you (both) were drunk and arguing, I would not throw away three years without at least going to counseling. Abusers generally show their stripes long before three years, even if they don't physically harm you they will show you in other ways what they think of you (put downs, controlling behavior, dismissal of your feelings, telling you you're acting crazy in response to expressing feelings, etc.)
I think it's also important what the fight was about. You don't need to share it here, but if it was something that was snowballing out of control, an old issue of hurt that was brought up for no reason, or even button-pushing issues, sometimes people react in ways they would never expect themselves to - and throw in alcohol and it can happen.
I'm sure plenty of folks with disagree with me and say I'm telling you to be an enabler, but only you know him and the situation.
I'm sure plenty of folks with disagree with me and say I'm telling you to be an enabler, but only you know him and the situation.
I don't disagree with you on principle, however I think it's the top of a slippery slope. Reason being, if she lets him get away with it once, what happens next time? Is it possible this was just a one off that will never happen again? Yes, that's possible. But the mere possibility of it maybe happening a second time puts her in a dangerous position where she may feel obligated to forgive him again. And again. And again ad nauseum until she's in a full fledged abusive relationship. For that reason, at least for me, I couldn't allow a guy a second chance.
So, while I see your point having merit, it's the unknown future of if/when it happens again that would make it really hard to continue the relationship, IMO.
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