Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past (date, girlfriends, women)
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My girlfriend and I were watching some romantic comedy the other day (not my idea, trust me), and the topic of sexual history came up. So we ended up talking about it, and it turns out that she's got quite a past.
She's 27 and here is just some of what she told me...
Her first time was when she was 17
When I asked her how many men she's had sex with she couldn't tell me but when I asked if it was over 20 (jokingly) she said oh yes, way more
[Mod cut.]
[Mod cut.]
She has kissed girls in clubs many times
She was a member of fetlife for a couple of years
She mentioned something about doing porn
Those are the highlights but she mentioned quite a lot of other occasions and people.
This is not OK. I've been with her for 3 years and I had no idea about any of this. I always had a feeling about her but I really didn't think it was like this. This is a huge shock to me and what bothers me is that I've invested 3 years of my life with someone whose values and mine most certainly do not gel.
I don't really want to break up with her, but at the same time I can't imagine staying with her and being OK with this. It's going to nag away at me, I know it. I'm a firm believer that her sexual history has a lot to do with the ability to pair bond (or should I say, the inability), and I have seen enough evidence of this with my friends and their girlfriends to confirm it.
I hate to think about it as 3 years is a long time, but I guess I probably will be finishing with her, at least that's how I'm feeling right now. But I just want to get people's opinions, for what it's worth.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 04-19-2015 at 12:29 PM..
Reason: Not PG-13.
When I asked her how many men she's had sex with she couldn't tell me but when I asked if it was over 20 (jokingly) she said oh yes, way more
None of your business.
Mod cut: Orphaned; not PG-13.
Quote:
She has kissed girls in clubs many times
Mod cut: Not PG-13.
Quote:
She was a member of fetlife for a couple of years
Mod cut: Not PG-13.
Quote:
She mentioned something about doing porn
Ehhh.....I might have a problem with that.
Quote:
Those are the highlights but she mentioned quite a lot of other occasions and people.
This is not OK. I've been with her for 3 years and I had no idea about any of this. I always had a feeling about her but I really didn't think it was like this. This is a huge shock to me and what bothers me is that I've invested 3 years of my life with someone whose values and mine most certainly do not gel.
I don't really want to break up with her, but at the same time I can't imagine staying with her and being OK with this. It's going to nag away at me, I know it. I'm a firm believer that her sexual history has a lot to do with the ability to pair bond (or should I say, the inability), and I have seen enough evidence of this with my friends and their girlfriends to confirm it.
I hate to think about it as 3 years is a long time, but I guess I probably will be finishing with her, at least that's how I'm feeling right now. But I just want to get people's opinions, for what it's worth.
Grow up and mind your own business. If she isn't bringing any diseases to the table, get over it.
... and you don't have any past, OP?
Are you sure all that did actually happen? Maybe she is looking to make you jealous, she’s trying to get you to talk about your past, she wants to see what you are into when it comes to sex or she may just not see oversharing as a big deal.
Some girls may use oversharing as a tactic to drag more out of you. She could be testing you, trying to generate a reaction and see where your feelings for her are.
Using examples of things from her past bedroom escapades may be her way of letting you know the kind of things she is into and she may be trying to see if you are into those things, too.
However, you should look at yourself and wonder what it is in the relationship that you doubt or fear. Is your self-esteem not as great as it should be? Worries about the past are sometimes caused by issues present in the current relationship.
Remind yourself that if you can't deal with someone's past, that is your problem and not her's. Do this girl a favor. Break up with her if her past bothers you. She needs to find someone that is mature enough not to let her past bother him.
And for your own good, get counselling, and learn how deal with it in the future. Because pretty much everyone has a past...
BTW: If you can't deal with "The PAST" you should date only virgins (but even those might have some past you might not like). And don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to...
IMHO, you are very wise to consider her sexual past. You might even ask about the number of bf's and how long the longest one lasted. I also agree, that a woman that has a past of promiscuous sex will not be able, in most cases, to stay faithful to one man. Eventually, she will get bored and step out on you, or leave permanently. What could be going on is that she has latched on to you as a husband/provider/father for the children she is planning. Then, once she's got you on the hook for child support, then she's back to her old habits.
But again, I think you're right about looking at sexual history, and I think it applies to men and women. When a person has a long history of many lovers, the idea of monogamy is just too boring for them to maintain for the rest of their life. Relationships go through phases of it being boring, difficult, challenging, when almost everyone is tempted to leave or cheat. The ones with the history with a variety of lovers, miss the fun of the new lover. The temptation is just too much for them and they're off.
IMHO, you are very wise to consider her sexual past. You might even ask about the number of bf's and how long the longest one lasted. I also agree, that a woman that has a past of promiscuous sex will not be able, in most cases, to stay faithful to one man. Eventually, she will get bored and step out on you, or leave permanently. What could be going on is that she has latched on to you as a husband/provider/father for the children she is planning. Then, once she's got you on the hook for child support, then she's back to her old habits.
But again, I think you're right about looking at sexual history, and I think it applies to men and women. When a person has a long history of many lovers, the idea of monogamy is just too boring for them to maintain for the rest of their life. Relationships go through phases of it being boring, difficult, challenging, when almost everyone is tempted to leave or cheat. The ones with the history with a variety of lovers, miss the fun of the new lover. The temptation is just too much for them and they're off.
Yes that's what I'm thinking. Although 3 years is a long time, some guys have it far worse, so I guess it's not that bad. It's better that I get out now before I waste any more of my life. The more I think about it the more it makes sense to just leave. I thank my lucky stars we have no kids.
You're absolutely right about her being unable to stick to one man after having had, shall we say..."relations" with so many others. She did actually mention also that she has cheated on more than one occasion. I'm more disappointed at myself for not having questioned her right at the start than anything else. I should have seen the red flags. Oh well, you live and learn. Anyway she's not a bad lass it's just that I need someone with the same values / priorities as me. I'm going to let her go.
Anyway she's not a bad lass it's just that I need someone with the same values / priorities as me. I'm going to let her go.
If youre so anal about values and priorities why did you ask her in the beginning, instead of three years and a movie later? smh
Last edited by hawaiiancoconut; 04-19-2015 at 07:15 AM..
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