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I find that it's better to not know too many details as the more you know the more it doesn't really help... just know that she's not a virgin and move on.... the details don't really help.. LOl.....why do you want to know anyways?? what good is going to come out of it...LOL.
If you like her as a person and she's a good person that's all that really matters at the end of the day.....
It's been three years and you are just getting around to discussing past sexual history? That should happen well before entering a sexual relationship.
Women with a past like that are usually very wild and uninhibited, as are men. There should have been clues.
Accept it or move on. Next time talk about your histories and find someone with similar values.
My girlfriend and I were watching some romantic comedy the other day (not my idea, trust me), and the topic of sexual history came up. So we ended up talking about it, and it turns out that she's got quite a past.
She's 27 and here is just some of what she told me...
Her first time was when she was 17
When I asked her how many men she's had sex with she couldn't tell me but when I asked if it was over 20 (jokingly) she said oh yes, way more
[Snip.]
She has kissed girls in clubs many times
She was a member of fetlife for a couple of years
She mentioned something about doing porn
Those are the highlights but she mentioned quite a lot of other occasions and people.
This is not OK. I've been with her for 3 years and I had no idea about any of this. I always had a feeling about her but I really didn't think it was like this. This is a huge shock to me and what bothers me is that I've invested 3 years of my life with someone whose values and mine most certainly do not gel.
I don't really want to break up with her, but at the same time I can't imagine staying with her and being OK with this. It's going to nag away at me, I know it. I'm a firm believer that her sexual history has a lot to do with the ability to pair bond (or should I say, the inability), and I have seen enough evidence of this with my friends and their girlfriends to confirm it.
I hate to think about it as 3 years is a long time, but I guess I probably will be finishing with her, at least that's how I'm feeling right now. But I just want to get people's opinions, for what it's worth.
So let me get this straight....sexual history is VERY important to you, so important that you never inquired in the three years you'd been with her...you kept your head buried conveniently in the sand. NOW you're all upset that she's way more "experienced" than you.
I'd say you've probably "benefited" quite a bit from her experience and thus gained a lot yourself. I guess she fooled you into believing she was "pair-bonded" with you? ...maybe because the sex was so good? Or are you upset she did stuff with others and she didn't let you? She was silly to have given you such details that you didn't deserve. And I'm sure YOU"RE very pristine - have you shared equally with her?
I feel badly for her but sounds like you'll just slwt-shame her until she breaks up with you so be kind and do it now.
It's been three years and you are just getting around to discussing past sexual history? That should happen well before entering a sexual relationship.
Women with a past like that are usually very wild and uninhibited, as are men. There should have been clues.
Accept it or move on. Next time talk about your histories and find someone with similar values.
You're right. But I did ask her a long time ago, she just gave me a basic answer that didn't indicate any issues, and I trusted her answer, which I shouldn't have. The women who she is friends with have a similar past to her, so I have to take responsibility for not questioning her further much earlier on. But that's ok you live and learn, and next time I'll be sure to know what's what before investing any time in someone. But I'm going to let her go.
So let's say someone has had 20 sexual partners and has been having sex for 10 years. That's two partners per year...
Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie
I also agree, that a woman that has a past of promiscuous sex will not be able, in most cases, to stay faithful to one man. Eventually, she will get bored and step out on you, or leave permanently. What could be going on is that she has latched on to you as a husband/provider/father for the children she is planning. Then, once she's got you on the hook for child support, then she's back to her old habits.
I am SO happy that in my beautiful world people like you don't exist.
You're right. But I did ask her a long time ago, she just gave me a basic answer that didn't indicate any issues, and I trusted her answer, which I shouldn't have. The women who she is friends with have a similar past to her, so I have to take responsibility for not questioning her further much earlier on. But that's ok you live and learn, and next time I'll be sure to know what's what before investing any time in someone. But I'm going to let her go.
Sounds like a good choice.
You 2 aren't really a match. She'd be better with a more open man. I know quite a few who'd love her for a history like that.
Meanwhile, you'd be better off with someone more conservative, or "old-fashioned"
Nothing wrong with that. But being respectful is a key. When you break things off, don
t put her down, insult her, or call names. Just tell her you're both incompatible in beliefs, and it's best you see other people.
I mean, reversing things, some men love experienced and wild women, and hate virgins, or women without that many partners. It strikes them as boring. That's fine too.
But again, being respectful and avoiding the ****-shaming and virgin-shaming is the more classy way t go about it. Things like Religion, Sex, and politics, are very controversial issues where people's ideals and opinions will vary a good bit. Like not having sex before marriage. It's fine to want that. It's fine to disagree with that. Shaming is another matter.
And in the future, YES, if you need a partner who shares your sexual beliefs, the convo needs to be brought up early on. Respectfully.
You 2 aren't really a match. She'd be better with a more open man. I know quite a few who'd love her for a history like that.
Meanwhile, you'd be better off with someone more conservative, or "old-fashioned"
Nothing wrong with that. But being respectful is a key. When you break things off, don
t put her down, insult her, or call names. Just tell her you're both incompatible in beliefs, and it's best you see other people.
I mean, reversing things, some men love experienced and wild women, and hate virgins, or women without that many partners. It strikes them as boring. That's fine too.
But again, being respectful and avoiding the ****-shaming and virgin-shaming is the more classy way t go about it. Things like Religion, Sex, and politics, are very controversial issues where people's ideals and opinions will vary a good bit. Like not having sex before marriage. It's fine to want that. It's fine to disagree with that. Shaming is another matter.
And in the future, YES, if you need a partner who shares your sexual beliefs, the convo needs to be brought up early on. Respectfully.
I agree with all of that. I'm not sure where anybody is reading into this that that I'm shaming her. I didn't say that. I simply said that there is an incompatibility.
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