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My husband gave me his GI Bill so that I could get my master's degree (he already has his). So he's putting his darling wife through school by virtue of his military service. I go full-time, in order to get the most out of the GI Bill provisions. We own a home, are living on one income plus my stipend, and have a baby on the way, but our budget is met.
Yay! Congratulations, Tabula! When are you due?
OP, I'm a SAHP. I was throughout my first marriage. My first H transferred a portion of his GI Bill to me so I could return to school. I won't be returning to work until I'm finished with grad school and my youngest is in preschool. So we live on one income. It works for us.
OP, I'm a SAHP. I was throughout my first marriage. My first H transferred a portion of his GI Bill to me so I could return to school. I won't be returning to work until I'm finished with grad school and my youngest is in preschool. So we live on one income. It works for us.
End of Sept. Thanks!
I'm doing my Master's to make a slight career switch...going from special ed teaching to counseling psych with an emphasis on adolescent EBD.
My mom & dad were only married a year when he decided to go to grad school. She loved the relatively brief period (2 years) that she was the major breadwinner while he got his M. S. lol. My dad was a TA so he brought in a small amount of $$, but he did his share of household chores and they lived frugally. Fast forward three years after grad school, I was born and my mom retired to be a SAHM. She's been a full time mom ever since and while there were lean years in the beginning of his career, 20 years later they live quite comfortably (but still frugally....some habits never die).
Some boys grow up in households where their moms do everything. The men only take out the trash, mow the lawn and other "outside stuff." Cooking, cleaning, washing dishes etc., is unheard of. I'm guessing that his lack of involvement stems from one of three reasons:
1.) You've never asked him to help out
2.) He doesn't think it's his job
3.) He tries to help out, but you like things done a certain way and would rather do it yourself
Don't really know what you're asking? I put my X through four years of college when we were in our early 20's.
I worked in an office M-F 9 to 5 and then worked a second job 5 - 10 most nights in addition to Sat & Sun till 10pm then I'd come home and do the housework and/or go to the laundromat. There was a degree of flexibility in my hours for the second job as it was commissioned sales though I took as much of it as I could get as the earning potential was much higher. I had streamlined our living conditions for simplicity and cut costs down so we could live on one very small salary with a super strict budget. I'm talking an entertainment allotment restricted to the price of one movie for two once a month or for any other recreational use or eating out.
My goal was to save my entire earnings from the second job to go towards a down payment on a house which I accomplished and was able to talk the bank into a builder's loan as long as the construction was overseen by a contractor. While I spent nearly every waking hour working my X spent nearly every waking hour either in school or working with a friend building our first house. This was the pattern of our entire working lives. We were working towards goals. Created several businesses and built several commercial properties. Many days my head was spinning with the complexity of it all. Not much time to develop a social life either which had to come after retirement. But there was travel and time for energy put into the kids when I cut down to just one job plus the kids.
You know Im not in this situation so I can't relate. I'm around your age and Im a mom, as well as a graduate student and I work. And I clean and manage my household on my own. It's very hard. My son will be with his dad this summer so that makes it easier but it's hard. But it's doable and if i can do it, then your husband should also be able to manage working, helping with the home and going to school. It couldn't be me... I have no interest being the sole earner taking care of him and making things easier on him because he can't do it himself... I need a go getter just like myself. What does it look like for me to have a man at home and were broke because he can't handle too much. I mean you can be broke by yourself, if you have a partner he needs to contribute and help.
It almost sounds as if you don't trust that he can manage it all unless you make it easier on him. He is a grown man and in his thirties(mid)I would hope he could handle more. My dad was 30 with 4 kids and a wife, working three part time jobs and in an MbA program full time. Gtoh. lol. He should have been finished with his associates and have invested and began his career prior to marriage and even discussing a child but that's here or there. He can handle more than you believe if he really wants to that is. And if he can't and needs you to help take care of him that would be a problem. At least for me. I don't know... It's your marriage so you know him better then we do but the whole thing sounds like he isn't ready for too many responsibilities and at his age he should be...
Last edited by Faith2187; 04-26-2015 at 01:53 PM..
Location: Fort Bend County, TX/USA/Mississauga, ON/Canada
2,702 posts, read 6,045,159 times
Reputation: 2304
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187
You know Im not in this situation so I can't relate. I'm around your age and Im a mom, as well as a graduate student and I work. And I clean and manage my household on my own. It's very hard. My son will be with his dad this summer so that makes it easier but it's hard. But it's doable and if i can do it, then your husband should also be able to manage working, helping with the home and going to school. It couldn't be me... I have no interest being the sole earner taking care of him and making things easier on him because he can't do it himself... I need a go getter just like myself. What does it look like for me to have a man at home and were broke because he can't handle too much. I mean you can be broke by yourself, if you have a partner he needs to contribute and help.
It almost sounds as if you don't trust that he can manage it all unless you make it easier on him. He is a grown man and in his thirties(mid)I would hope he could handle more. My dad was 30 with 4 kids and a wife, working three part time jobs and in an MbA program full time. Gtoh. lol. He should have been finished with his associates and have invested and began his career prior to marriage and even discussing a child but that's here or there. He can handle more than you believe if he really wants to that is. And if he can't and needs you to help take care of him that would be a problem. At least for me. I don't know... It's your marriage so you know him better then we do but the whole thing sounds like he isn't ready for too many responsibilities and at his age he should be...
It's not that I don't trust him to manage it all. It's true that I do want things done a certain way. Our living space is tiny so it's not like we have a house or a whole lot to clean up. He is ready for responsibilities & has actually proposed trying for a child very soon. Mind that he just stopped working in January 2015, so it's only been about 5 months with savings included...
Whoa, whoa whoa...for the posters who are saying that he doesn't contribute...we have saved enough $ for him to be ok, but all I was doing was venting that he typically does not do a lot of the housework...(that has been my fault) but he is NOT a bad man.
I am by no means a Betty Broderick & he isn't an ungrateful type either. I can't see that situation happening b/c he won't be going to get a Master's/Law Degree/Medical Degree. Anyway, yes I am semi defensive LOL.
I mainly wanted to hear positive stories from women who have put their husbands through school bc I am in my mid 20s & many of my friends are either single & wouldn't put their man through school or married & comfortable/not having to put their husbands through school. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am NOT insinuating you or anyone else is a nut like B Brodrick LOL...sincerely sorry if you took it that way...this is more of a what COULD happen to someone if they use the wrong person
Im sure brodricks husband had no idea she was capable of that or he would have thunk twice
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