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shyness has never been an obstacle in relations ,i think he likes you so much but for you to be sure it's ok to ask him when you are alone
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adhom
So why hasn't he asked you out on a date if you say he knows you are interested?
Good question.
Well, I think he has an inkling but may not be too sure. I have been pretty cold. I barely even talk to the guy for goodness sakes. I really blow hot and cold with him. I swear I'm not trying to save face or anything, but would a guy really ask a girl out under these circumstances?
Now, once I start getting to know him better and if he still doesn't ask me out after some time, then I would say I have a solid answer?
I am very much like you. That's why I was single for a long time like since birth and it's not even funny. I am married now and what happened to me was, I got tired of being single I mean I was the only single one in my family. All my bro and sis are popping babies left and right and I was still single.
Since I am shy and not approachable, I finally gave in to online dating. Which honestly I avoid like a plague my sister, co-workers were all telling me to do online dating so I finally gave in.
In your case, you already 'caught' a guy. All you have to do is be confident and engage in a conversation if he engage you in a conversation. I know it's hard to do coz I've been there. But you gotta learn to talk back to him WHENEVER he initiates. Don't let your shyness take over. Learn to talk back if he is taking the initiative.
You will lose this guy if you keep giving him silent treatment if he pays attention to you, ya know.
I'm so happy everything worked out for you! Usually that's the way it happens. God knows what we can accomplish when we get tired of being sick and tired.
Thanks so much for your advice. Really? You think I 'caught' him? Well, I'm just going to take it slow and see where it goes and work on managing my expectations in case this thing doesn't work out the way I'd like for it to.
Easiest way to strike up a conversation, ask a question about himself or something he might hold an opinion on. People like to talk about themselves and their opinions. He will do the talking and considering your shyness it takes you off the hook for talking (at least at the start).
Great idea. Lord knows he loves to talk! He's the guy with the crowd! I got a question for him, alright: "do you have a girlfriend?" You think that's too forward? My biggest fear is that I'll start engaging this guy and he'll drop this bomb out of nowhere one day. I want to get it out of the way right from the gate so that I protect myself from getting too invested. Thoughts?
My self-esteem may be low, and I have cried about it and gone through depression. But I am not desperate yet. I am not going to date a guy just so I can say I am dating someone. So the guys who approached me that were less than great, none of them got my number and I didn't go out with any of them. 1 I told my brother to get to leave me alone-the one that was 19-20 and still in HS.
I would just as soon be by myself with my own company than out with a guy I had no kind of attraction to.
So being shy is a curse really. I definitely know that's one of my problems. But I am only shy to making 1st moves. I usually don't speak to people 1st. Now if they come over and speak to me, I can chat up a storm. No problem. lol but if nobody has spoken to me, I usually keep to myself. And it's fine. Better than than some people who wanna make small talk and ask what's going on with you when they know they don't care. lol Almost as if they either wanna be nosy, or they feel bad for you so they come and talk to you.
But rejection really sticks with me. Very pride-wounding and embarrassing really. So fear of rejection is my thing.
I always felt like being shy was a bit of a curse (too) as well as a blessing. A blessing in that I felt it sometimes served as a natural deterrent for bad people. Just sometimes.
Rejection is hard. Nobody likes to be rejected. Even the most confident.
When you are ready to jump out there again, what is your plan? Since you say you don't care for meet ups, any other ideas (traditional or non) you have to instigate your path to love and happiness? Do you want children?
Stay strong and keep working on you. I can tell you're a damn good person and believe it or not, good things come to good people. Took me a long time to believe that, but it's true.
I always felt like being shy was a bit of a curse (too) as well as a blessing. A blessing in that I felt it sometimes served as a natural deterrent for bad people. Just sometimes.
Rejection is hard. Nobody likes to be rejected. Even the most confident.
When you are ready to jump out there again, what is your plan? Since you say you don't care for meet ups, any other ideas (traditional or non) you have to instigate your path to love and happiness? Do you want children?
Stay strong and keep working on you. I can tell you're a damn good person and believe it or not, good things come to good people. Took me a long time to believe that, but it's true.
No, never had the desire for children. Dating is so far down on my list, I am just working on things I have control over, that aren't as self-esteem upsetting. Basically anything to do with myself, work and school. And my nerdy hobbies. lol
Probably not. I was never shy about asking dudes out, but if he came across as cold or partially disinterested, even if I was really into him I wouldn't put myself out there and risk looking like a fool. If you don't make it clear that you are interested, don't count on him pursuing you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MakeLoveNotWar
Good question.
Well, I think he has an inkling but may not be too sure. I have been pretty cold. I barely even talk to the guy for goodness sakes. I really blow hot and cold with him. I swear I'm not trying to save face or anything, but would a guy really ask a girl out under these circumstances?
Now, once I start getting to know him better and if he still doesn't ask me out after some time, then I would say I have a solid answer?
Well, trust I'm not the only one. Plenty more where I come from. I also think women should take men to dinner and pay for the meal too. Yup. Absolutely do.
I don't give a hell about these old school societal norms. If a man/someone/society doesn't think me a lady because I want to buy my man a steak, then I say too damn bad. I got bigger fish to fry...like getting over this shyness!
and I hate it when people use penis-vagina arguments as to why it has or should be the mans role to be the initiator, do the approaching and asking out, they are like "vagina means receiving, penis means projecting, penetrating", why should we be dictated by our sex organs? and something else I read, although i'm not sure if the article was wrongly edited, because I heard Wikipedia can be edited in which something is innacurate, but I found it on eHow, it said that sometimes even Female Giraffes will approach a Male first, and Giraffes are mammals just like humans are.
Probably not. I was never shy about asking dudes out, but if he came across as cold or partially disinterested, even if I was really into him I wouldn't put myself out there and risk looking like a fool. If you don't make it clear that you are interested, don't count on him pursuing you.
I was in a situation once where I was trying to pursue a guy who I would say was shyer than me. I ended up feeling as you say, like a fool, because he just always made me feel so aggressive. Perhaps he didn't like me as much as I thought, and I had to draw the line somewhere. So, I do understand what this guy may be going through and that is why I am going to keep an open mind and make more of an effort.
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