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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
30s, I can buy into, but 40s...not so much. The risk apparently spikes drastically.
It increases, but the risk is still low. At least half of my friends that have had kids did so in their 40s. The others late 30s. No issues (thankfully). The real risk is increased miscarriages. Two of my friends are pregnant now. One 42, the other 43. Coming along just fine. No hoops had to be jumped through.
It increases, but the risk is still low. At least half of my friends that have had kids did so in their 40s. The others late 30s. No issues (thankfully). The real risk is increased miscarriages. Two of my friends are pregnant now. One 42, the other 43. Coming along just fine. No hoops had to be jumped through.
I know that some realize the risk, one woman I dated said she will probably foster a child. Some will adopt.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
I know that some realize the risk, one woman I dated said she will probably foster a child. Some will adopt.
There is always risk when having a child. Some choose adoption, some foster, some have no children, some have their own biological children. Good luck to all of them. Not my business. Not my place to judge.
Exactly. I completely agree with you. I'll be judged right now, but I never learn on here...
So my girlfriend hit 40 and decided she wanted kids. Now she's 43. She had a miscarriage in July. It may or may not happen for us, but I'm finally ok with not having them. Not ideal but it is what it is. That said, I'd be happy if she got pregnant. In our case, adopting isn't something we're thinking about yet. If we did, I would prefer an infant. Kids by the time they're 4-5 could have quite a bit of psychological damage from abusive parents or being in foster homes or whatever.
You are trying to have a kid with this woman you aren't even sure you want to stay with? For her sake, let her know you're "just not that into her." I'm sure she has a different picture in her mind of how this is going to play out, per your previous description.
And yes, it's none of my business, so don't bother saying that.
I'm sorry, but to all those who are trying to have babies at 40 or older, it just seems selfish to me. Like trying to achieve a social fantasy. I hope you are at least well off if you are doing this and you just dumped someone you claimed to care about just to realize some social fantasy. If I loved a man and knew he didn't want kids from the start, I wouldn't just suddenly throw him away at 40 because I wanted to fulfill some social objective. That is just I hope you are well off. Because get real. Do you all now realize you will be paying for this child's medical expenses, education, food, ect for 18-20 years. You will probably be working until you are at least 80 and unable to retire or end up in some horrid nursing home(unable to afford a good one)now because you are so sick from working until you can't. Or now you better hope your kid doesn't go to college and gets a good paying job so they can move you in otherwise you'll be homeless. That's just a sad way to live. I hope you are prepared for that kind of life of having to work your butt off until you're 80 unless your planning to pop out a kid because society told you and then ignore it for life.
No, not one single person already knew this. You are the first person ever to figure it out. How fortunate that you came along.
I don't agree with you, emm74. Can't just count the years they're supporting the kids but factor in additional years of working after they move out to do "catch up" since they'll be in debt. Very few kids leave home at age 18-20 years old. They do 5-6 years of college then live with their parents until at least age 30 to pay off college loans. The parents will need to continue working until age 80 to build up their retirement funds because they drained themselves financially having kids.
I really agree with JaneMeyer that it's a bit selfish to make one's husband put off retirement dreams just so you can have a baby.
Also factor in the idea that adults in their 40's will have older parents who may not have the physical health to assist with babysitting. Many women depend on their parents to take care of their kids while they work but an older, ailing grandparent may not have the stamina or interest in babysitting. And if these parents need to help their elderly parents at the same time that they are trying to raise young children, how is that doable?
Wow, so many assumptions in just a few paragraphs.
I'm sure most probably are already know but the increased risk isn't necessarily always from an older woman. Older father age is a risk factor for autism. That certainly would be on my mind if the possibility comes up in my forties or older.
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