Childless women age 36-40 on online dating sites who want kids? (surrogacy, Christian)
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I have a question about childless women ages 36-40 on online dating sites who say they definitely want kids. This has most likely got to be adoption, right?
Take a 38 year old woman, for example. She dates a few guys, and finally meets "the one" by age 39 to get serious. About one year of dating before proposal at 40. Engaged, then married by age 41. Then start trying to get pregnant at age 41. Lower chance of conceiving. Even lower if the man is in his 40s too. Artificial fertilization is very costly per attempt. But, if successful, there still are pregnancy complications for women in their 40s. Additionally, the cost and issues of surrogacy seem unrealistic for most newly wed couples. Finally, a male in his 40s is more likely than a younger male to produce a child with mental or health challenges.
So when 36-40 year old childless women on online dating indicate that they definitely want children, does this most likely mean adoption?
I have a question about childless women ages 36-40 on online dating sites who say they definitely want kids. This has most likely got to be adoption, right?
Take a 38 year old woman, for example. She dates a few guys, and finally meets "the one" by age 39 to get serious. About one year of dating before proposal at 40. Engaged, then married by age 41. Then start trying to get pregnant at age 41. Lower chance of conceiving. Even lower if the man is in his 40s too. Artificial fertilization is very costly per attempt. But, if successful, there still are pregnancy complications for women in their 40s. Additionally, the cost and issues of surrogacy seem unrealistic for most newly wed couples. Finally, a male in his 40s is more likely than a younger male to produce a child with mental or health challenges.
So when 36-40 year old childless women on online dating indicate that they definitely want children, does this most likely mean adoption?
I am not in that boat as I am only 22, but it makes sense that they would mean adoption. I never understood why women who want kids of their own wait decades. I move fast though, I tend to ask for kids after 6 months to a year together. In my view, if he is not in love enough to have kids by then, you need to find a more kids-oriented man. If I am not pregnant by early 30s, maybe even late 20s, I'm going to a sperm bank with the best possible donor and breaking up with whatever butthole I'm with who doesn't want to give me children. That is the most advisable path unless you want to adopt.
Last edited by Pure Death; 05-10-2015 at 03:46 PM..
I'm assuming naturally. My single male friends are in their mid to late 30's and prefer to date childless women to start a family with. They tell me 9/10 women between the ages of 30-40 they encounter online already have a kid/s, and aren't looking to have anymore; which makes them gravite to younger women in their 20's.
Absolutely not! A woman who is 36-40 is gong to do everything she can to conceive naturally before spending tens of thousands of dollars on other methods...THEN considering adoption. You don't consider adoption just because you're past being at your most fertile age...guys either.
BTW, 36 is not really all that old to have kids - instead of getting pregnant in a couple or 3 months maybe it'll take 6 - 8...then you'd investigate for possible issues.
I have a question about childless women ages 36-40 on online dating sites who say they definitely want kids. This has most likely got to be adoption, right?
Take a 38 year old woman, for example. She dates a few guys, and finally meets "the one" by age 39 to get serious. About one year of dating before proposal at 40. Engaged, then married by age 41. Then start trying to get pregnant at age 41. Lower chance of conceiving. Even lower if the man is in his 40s too. Artificial fertilization is very costly per attempt. But, if successful, there still are pregnancy complications for women in their 40s. Additionally, the cost and issues of surrogacy seem unrealistic for most newly wed couples. Finally, a male in his 40s is more likely than a younger male to produce a child with mental or health challenges.
So when 36-40 year old childless women on online dating indicate that they definitely want children, does this most likely mean adoption?
I would say no. I have two female clients who are well into their 40s and want biological children. One is 45 and the other 46. The 46 year old is married and unable to conceive. The 45 year old doesn't even have a man in her life.
Oh, and I have a male friend who is 52. Never married; no children. He's Jewish, and he's been dating a Christian lady for 4 years who is 50 years old with 2 grown kids. He told me that the relationship can only go so far because he can only marry a Jewish woman so there would be no conflict when they raise their kids. What the heck? Conflict when they raise their kids? He's going to too old to move by the time he has these phantom kids. And, no, he doesn't want to adopt.
So most people want their own . . .
For me, being a mother was of the highest importance. I would have never waited until I was close to 40 to have a baby. I say it now and knew it then. I got married and pregnant in my 20s. There are health risks for the mother and the baby after a certain age. And also a very large age-gap there bordering on "grandparent" age. If you have a child at 40, you'll be 50 when it's 10; 55 when it's 15; and 60 when it's 20. I think that's extreme.
If you have a child at 40, you'll be 50 when it's 10; 55 when it's 15; and 60 when it's 20. I think that's extreme.
Hypothetical health child born to first time parents at age 42. The mother and father will near 60 while attending their child's high school plays, sports, bake sales etc. Most of the other parents will be in mid 40s; lots of parents will be in mid 30s. Then by the time the child finishes college and has children of own, the new grandparents would be pushing 70. Never too late, but late nonetheless.
For this reason, I'd think a late 30's to 40ish year old childless couple would want to adopt children already 5-8 years old (not babies).
We started trying when she was about 35 despite being together for over 15 years. We tried for a few years before seeing a doctor. It took us 5 years but we had twins at 40 (and I was 43) so it's possible.
I'm sure they would want to try naturally first to see if they can conceive, then in-vitro if they have the money/insurance covers it. If insurance covers that it would probably be a lot cheaper than adoption.
I looked (not in depth) at adoption because I couldn't conceive. Our state requires you to foster children first with the intent of having bio parents take them back. I wasn't going to put myself through that emotionally. Out of country was like 30K as a starting point.
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The good thing is the 30K (for legal fees and administration costs) is due after it's guaranteed that the couple will get to adopt. Before hand, the agency will make sure a prospective adopting couple is financially prepared for fees and to support a child.
On the other hand, in-vitro seems like an expensive risk. Every time it doesn't work is thousands down the drain. Plus the emotional disappointment has to hurt badly too. Cardiff Giant's post above shares his family had healthy twins (CONGRATS!!); however, older couples produce children with higher rates of health risks (some permanent). That has to be a huge consideration for older childless couples wanting to conceive.
Hypothetical health child born to first time parents at age 42. The mother and father will near 60 while attending their child's high school plays, sports, bake sales etc. Most of the other parents will be in mid 40s; lots of parents will be in mid 30s. Then by the time the child finishes college and has children of own, the new grandparents would be pushing 70. Never too late, but late nonetheless.
For this reason, I'd think a late 30's to 40ish year old childless couple would want to adopt children already 5-8 years old (not babies).
And you would be wrong. I never even WANTED a kid until I hit 30.
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