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I am good at making any decision except one where it involves a relationship. Not that everyone here has the best advice, but I usually sift thru it all and come up with a good answer. The GF travels for work on a pretty regular basis and to some cool places. She is never a big communicator while at home but at least away I am used to getting a good morning/good night call or if she doesn't call, I call her to see how she is and how things are going. Until recently.
Last months trip she is gone four days and I hear nothing first two days. I call the third to see if all is well and she blows me off with "no time to talk" and she makes FB postings at 3am with what a great time she is having. No time to talk but time to post on FB. Hmmm.
This months trip I asked if she would at least text me and let me know she made the flight ok. But...no word, so I call. She calls back an hour later and "to busy to talk" again. Tells me i should "go out and have fun" while she is gone because she is. Wtf? A couple days into this trip I call to talk. Blows me off with "gotta get a shower and go to bed". I say goodnight. Send her a text in the morning to see if she is still on schedule to come home on time. Tells me she just got out of the shower no time to talk! I tell her she must be taking a lot of showers and that was end of communications. She uses the old shower excuse and others on her own family as an excuse not to talk and get off the phone. I guess she doesn't realize I see this and I am not totally stupid.
Anyway....I am feeling pretty ignored and unappreciated right now. She tells me I am "being a baby" because I feel the way I do. I should use her time away to go out and have fun with my friends and party. I am guessing this is because she is trying to make herself feel better about doing the same while out of town. She always claims to be in bed by 11pm while out of town, but then when she gets home it's stories of being out till 3am. Always some lame excuse like she went to bed and couldn't sleep, so got up and went back out.
I know she thinks this is "normal" and she is doing nothing wrong. We have discussed it. I am really considering ending the relationship and moving on because of this. I just feel like I am a convienence to her anymore and not someone she loves, even though she says she does. I don't think this is how you treat someone you care about. Am I wrong for wanting to bail because of this, or am I the big baby she says I am. I think it is at least being considerate for a quick call in the morning and at night. It was suggested that she knows I love her and she is comfortable in our relationship and she feels she doesn't have to keep in touch.
Thoughts?
Bear,
You may not like my advice to you or what I would do in the same situation. You sound like a cool dude, and you have every right to feel like you do, I think it 'might" be time to move on, this girl is using the same lame excuse to you that she uses to others when she's home, because, she has other "things" on her mind.
You deserve better, she's lucky, you care so much about her that she's blowing you off, Tap out time. Why put yourself through this lame nonsense? what for? if she doesn't care? why should you? I'll tell you why, your a cool cat who cares about her and your "not" getting back the same from her..
You check in with her at key times, a good move on your part, that's how men act. You get nothing?
It's a smart move to act now, stay cool and get everything in working order just in case you need to act fast, when ready, sit her down and give it to her clean, tell her exactly how you feel about her and that you miss how things used be, if she replies like jackass or answers you in a non carrying manner. You know what to do, I wish you well. Stay Strong. Stay cool, Good luck!
In the process of moving out at the moment. The woman makes well into six figures and has no money problems. There will be no issues for her. We both do very well financially so money won't be a problem for either of us.. Decided to leave the mother out of it. Don't need any more headaches. Told the GF what I was doing. She is not happy. Told me I had to wait until she got back so we could talk. Told her nothing to talk about. As someone suggested, this is not going to go well. will be long gone before she gets home.
You're not totally out of the woods. Prepare yourself, for whats possibly going to come when she gets back. Lol
I'm glad, you're doing something about it, though.
In the process of moving out at the moment. The woman makes well into six figures and has no money problems. There will be no issues for her. We both do very well financially so money won't be a problem for either of us.. Decided to leave the mother out of it. Don't need any more headaches. Told the GF what I was doing. She is not happy. Told me I had to wait until she got back so we could talk. Told her nothing to talk about. As someone suggested, this is not going to go well. will be long gone before she gets home.
Congratulations on having the guts to take care of business. The next step is to minimize contact. You will be vulnerable at first, and a part of you will find going back to seem like a real good idea. So the less talk, the better. I would stay away from her social media and keep communication to the barest of minimums. I predict this woman will panic a bit having lost you, and will change her "spots" briefly, making promises and resolutions that she cannot and will not keep long term. Don't fall for it. You did the hard part, now don't look back.
In the process of moving out at the moment. The woman makes well into six figures and has no money problems. There will be no issues for her. We both do very well financially so money won't be a problem for either of us.. Decided to leave the mother out of it. Don't need any more headaches. Told the GF what I was doing. She is not happy. Told me I had to wait until she got back so we could talk. Told her nothing to talk about. As someone suggested, this is not going to go well. will be long gone before she gets home.
I'll bet she's thinking of you now!
I agree with others... narcissist. I think she really loves you but when it is convenient for her. She can put it in a box and put the box on a shelf while she has other things on her mind. And I'll bet that is what eats at you, that while you're sitting home thinking about her and what she is doing and feeling, she doesn't even have a fleeting thought about you so long as she has something else going on. But when she gets home and the music stops and the bright lights fade out she gets lonely with herself and needs you. I'll bet she has told you that you are her "rock".
I really have nothing to add to this but I wanted to chime in and wish you the best buddy. Good luck with the move out and stay strong and if you ever start to doubt yourself, just read this thread again.
Good for you! Life is to short to waste on someone you aren't happy with and isn't willing to work at it
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bearsdad
In the process of moving out at the moment. The woman makes well into six figures and has no money problems. There will be no issues for her. We both do very well financially so money won't be a problem for either of us.. Decided to leave the mother out of it. Don't need any more headaches. Told the GF what I was doing. She is not happy. Told me I had to wait until she got back so we could talk. Told her nothing to talk about. As someone suggested, this is not going to go well. will be long gone before she gets home.
I am good at making any decision except one where it involves a relationship. Not that everyone here has the best advice, but I usually sift thru it all and come up with a good answer. The GF travels for work on a pretty regular basis and to some cool places. She is never a big communicator while at home but at least away I am used to getting a good morning/good night call or if she doesn't call, I call her to see how she is and how things are going. Until recently.
Last months trip she is gone four days and I hear nothing first two days. I call the third to see if all is well and she blows me off with "no time to talk" and she makes FB postings at 3am with what a great time she is having. No time to talk but time to post on FB. Hmmm.
This months trip I asked if she would at least text me and let me know she made the flight ok. But...no word, so I call. She calls back an hour later and "to busy to talk" again. Tells me i should "go out and have fun" while she is gone because she is. Wtf? A couple days into this trip I call to talk. Blows me off with "gotta get a shower and go to bed". I say goodnight. Send her a text in the morning to see if she is still on schedule to come home on time. Tells me she just got out of the shower no time to talk! I tell her she must be taking a lot of showers and that was end of communications. She uses the old shower excuse and others on her own family as an excuse not to talk and get off the phone. I guess she doesn't realize I see this and I am not totally stupid.
Anyway....I am feeling pretty ignored and unappreciated right now. She tells me I am "being a baby" because I feel the way I do. I should use her time away to go out and have fun with my friends and party. I am guessing this is because she is trying to make herself feel better about doing the same while out of town. She always claims to be in bed by 11pm while out of town, but then when she gets home it's stories of being out till 3am. Always some lame excuse like she went to bed and couldn't sleep, so got up and went back out.
I know she thinks this is "normal" and she is doing nothing wrong. We have discussed it. I am really considering ending the relationship and moving on because of this. I just feel like I am a convienence to her anymore and not someone she loves, even though she says she does. I don't think this is how you treat someone you care about. Am I wrong for wanting to bail because of this, or am I the big baby she says I am. I think it is at least being considerate for a quick call in the morning and at night. It was suggested that she knows I love her and she is comfortable in our relationship and she feels she doesn't have to keep in touch.
Thoughts?
Sorry, man. You're coming off as needy. I mean, seriously so.
Here's the thing. If you were a priority in her life, she'd make it a priority to talk with you, even if it were five minutes after a long day of travel. But you're not, so she doesn't. Heck, I have traveled around the world on biz. No matter how dog tired I've been, I've always managed to send a message to my wife that I arrived safely.
Sorry, man. You're coming off as needy. I mean, seriously so.
Here's the thing. If you were a priority in her life, she'd make it a priority to talk with you, even if it were five minutes after a long day of travel. But you're not, so she doesn't. Heck, I have traveled around the world on biz. No matter how dog tired I've been, I've always managed to send a message to my wife that I arrived safely.
Are we clear on this?
I'm not following you. First you tell OP he is seriously needy (basically saying his desire for communication is the problem). Then you say the gf is not making OP a priority in her life (agreed. THAT is the problem). Then you say that you always send a message to your wide that you arrived safely---so why is it "needy" for OP to want that?
When my hub is out of town (which is frequent, unfortunately), we talk minimum 3 times a day (morning, mid-day, bedtime, sometimes more, often brief calls but a connection), with a few sweet little text messages scattered throughout the day. We both love and appreciate the frequent communication.
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