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So, what is his excuse not to work??
Maybe he wants to be a stay home BF, like some girls do. He does the household part, and you do the working part. Who knows. Did you asked HIM?
Does he love you? Possibly. Some guys are not good of showing it, but they do care. However, if you don't FEEL loved, then you need to address this issue. You want less words and more action? You want him to have steady job? You want him to plan and pay for dates (what dates? - you live together). If he does that, would you feel loved?
No, we don't live together. Planning and paying for dates would be nice. I feel taken for granted that he does not do that, I feel what kind of guy doesn't know to plan and pay for a date? Why wouldn't he take it upon himself to do something nice for me, and romantic like that if he loves me the way he says he does? Yes, I like that he helps with things around the house I'm not good at and I tell him I appreciate it. He does the same stuff for all his family, etc. so that does not make me feel special in a romantic way. He is the type that can not easily take responsibility for his "bad" behavior. He thinks it's ok to correct me, but will not talk about his character defects, if I bring something up, it's always "what about how you have no tact?" Or whatever he sees negative in me. No one is perfect but I feel if he loved me he'd not notice the "bad" so much.
He doesn't like his job. He prefers to be a musician. He has not made any money with his music , though. He's a very "follow your dreams" type. We have discussed it and knows I would not be ok with him not working. We do not live together.
Good for you! I was in a relationship with a man who was horribly "work challenged". I refused to help him financially or pay for anything. He kept making promises he did not keep, and I eventually broke up with him. He wanted to follow his dreams, too. But he's not even doing that. He's 45 years old and has nothing. Nothing to his name. I followed my dreams, but I did it a different way. I worked a full-time day job and pursued my creative endeavors at night. It paid off.
Yeah it isn't love if he doesn't have enough money to pay for dates
Why are men (I assume) so defensive about this? Shouldn't a man be able to take a lady to a movie? Is that asking too much? And shouldn't that man be able to think of something simple like that on his own? I guess since we were friends first he is very comfortable with me and doesn't try to impress. . . (and I'm only looking for something simple. He could cook for me , we don't even have to go anywhere) and yeah, I guess we could watch a movie at home, so maybe I am being a little critical on this point.
As far as the work, he has kids he cares for too- joint custody, so if one is ill, he stays home with them rather than give them to child care. I work full time so I do not watch the kids. His boss is ok with him missing work. I prefer he doesn't miss so much work. But that is between him and his boss. Yet it would be become between all three of us if we marry or even live together and I am concerned so I thought it might be a red flag
The work issue is definitely a red flag. Trust me! Glad you're asking because it's showing you basically need confirmation.
Good for you! I was in a relationship with a man who was horribly "work challenged". I refused to help him financially or pay for anything. He kept making promises he did not keep, and I eventually broke up with him. He wanted to follow his dreams, too. But he's not even doing that. He's 45 years old and has nothing. Nothing to his name. I followed my dreams, but I did it a different way. I worked a full-time day job and pursued my creative endeavors at night. It paid off.
Yes, I too have creative endeavors that I have had slight success with , but I have a day job.
... but - don't you take for granted that he helps you with YOUR car, and does the "guy things" around YOUR house...
You want romance, and he is more on the practical site.
From what you wrote, it seems that he is just not good enough for you. Maybe you should end this relationship, and find you a romantic type?
Why are men (I assume) so defensive about this? Shouldn't a man be able to take a lady to a movie? Is that asking too much? And shouldn't that man be able to think of something simple like that on his own? I guess since we were friends first he is very comfortable with me and doesn't try to impress. . . (and I'm only looking for something simple. He could cook for me , we don't even have to go anywhere) and yeah, I guess we could watch a movie at home, so maybe I am being a little critical on this point.
You're not being critical. Of course, he should plan and pay for dates at least half the time! Maybe he doesn't due to lack of funds.
... but - don't you take for granted that he helps you with YOUR car, and does the "guy things" around YOUR house...
You want romance, and he is more on the practical site.
From what you wrote, it seems that he is just not good enough for you. Maybe you should end this relationship, and find you a romantic type?
Ugh, I don't want to be like that- judging someone to be not good enough. He says so many romantic things and yet I don't see romantic actions. I do think it's great the help around this old house, and I tell him over and over how much I appreciate it. You may have a point. But when does it become having standards and when is it being a judgmental b*tch?
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