Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have been dating this guy for just a few months. We were friends for a few months before that. We are exclusive. But I do not feel loved by him. I feel like he thinks communicating with me is a chore. His words don't seem to match his actions. He tells me all the time he loves me. He texts me often too. I don't know if this is my issue because my last serious boyfriend asked me how I could ask him if he loves me since he used to say he did and also that he "texts all the time" I want to say "so what does that prove?" but maybe I expect too much . . .I don't know what actions I should be looking for. My guy helps with my car and around the house-guy things like mowing the lawn for example. We have good sex but he is not great at planning dates or paying for them. What I would like to know from the forum is what actions (because talk is cheap) show he loves me and what are some red flags. His unstable job history is one I feel (which is part of why he is not good at paying for dates.) I know he says things because it's easier to "get me off his back" that way. That statement makes me doubt the I love you's I get which is why I am here. Thank you for any clarity you can provide me.
I don't like the idea of him telling me when I expect follow through on something that he only said it so we'd have a nice night. I don't mind paying or planning, but I do mind the spotty job history / income. I want to know if people think it's a red flag if a man in his 30s doesn't have full time work half of the time, his choice. I imagine even you, burgler09 would agree that is a red flag . . .
I don't like the idea of him telling me when I expect follow through on something that he only said it so we'd have a nice night. I don't mind paying or planning, but I do mind the spotty job history / income. I want to know if people think it's a red flag if a man in his 30s doesn't have full time work half of the time, his choice. I imagine even you, burgler09 would agree that is a red flag . . .
Sure, anyone that can't manage a full time job is lazy.
I'm looking for a list of red flags, I figured this is one of them. I am just looking for the general ideas here to check that I am thinking clearly. You know emotions can confuse things.
You can never be 100% sure in any relationship- romantic or familiar. Often times the person saying it isn't even sure. They just don't know they're not.
So, what is his excuse not to work??
Maybe he wants to be a stay home BF, like some girls do. He does the household part, and you do the working part. Who knows. Did you asked HIM?
Does he love you? Possibly. Some guys are not good of showing it, but they do care. However, if you don't FEEL loved, then you need to address this issue. You want less words and more action? You want him to have steady job? You want him to plan and pay for dates (what dates? - you live together). If he does that, would you feel loved?
Sure, anyone that can't manage a full time job is lazy.
I agree. A full time job can be employment or caring for children. But little to no work history for a healthy man in his 30s translates to laziness. There are worse things in the world than laziness. But a lazy partner is definitely a burden and one that most people don't sign up for. Personally, I wouldn't have the patience to deal with that at this point in my life.
OP - If you're questioning his love, he most likely doesn't love you the way he should. If he did, you wouldn't be questioning it.
He doesn't like his job. He prefers to be a musician. He has not made any money with his music , though. He's a very "follow your dreams" type. We have discussed it and knows I would not be ok with him not working. We do not live together.
I agree. A full time job can be employment or caring for children. But little to no work history for a healthy man in his 30s translates to laziness. There are worse things in the world than laziness. But a lazy partner is definitely a burden and one that most people don't sign up for. Personally, I wouldn't have the patience to deal with that at this point in my life.
OP - If you're questioning his love, he most likely doesn't love you the way he should. If he did, you wouldn't be questioning it.
I thought that too. If you have to ask . . .
As far as the work, he has kids he cares for too- joint custody, so if one is ill, he stays home with them rather than give them to child care. I work full time so I do not watch the kids. His boss is ok with him missing work. I prefer he doesn't miss so much work. But that is between him and his boss. Yet it would be become between all three of us if we marry or even live together and I am concerned so I thought it might be a red flag
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
