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Oh, I used to be just as ignorant and smug about this issue as you are, OP. "I'd never date anyone who has herpes" I thought. It's only promiscuous people who get it, I thought.
Until I read an article about herpes and it said 1 in 5 adults have it and don't know it, the virus sits dormant and sometimes there is not a single outbreak. And, it gets better! The standard STD panel doesn't check for HSV.
So I went to my dr and asked for a special test for HSV. And it came back positive. I am the carrier.
Ha... Kinda changes one's perspective rather quickly. I will never know who gave it to me, and whether they knew they had it and chose not to tell me; and now I am facing the dilemma whether to disclose it to my potential partner.
Not really a dilemma, as I'd never NOT disclose and give them a chance to make an informed decision. So far it hasn't hurt my dating prospects one bit. I find that people react well to my news, thank me for my integrity and honesty, and ask when they can see me again.
So yeah... Get off that high horse, because for all you know you are the carrier, too. You just don't know it.
I will never know who gave it to me, and whether they knew they had it and chose not to tell me; and now I am facing the dilemma whether to disclose it to my potential partner.
Not really a dilemma, as I'd never NOT disclose and give them a chance to make an informed decision.
Those two statements don't make sense together, at least to me. I hope you disclose being positive before doing anything sexual with new partners... it was non-disclosure that led to my Ex and a good friend getting STD's (one of which is HSV, the other one is a cancer causing version of HPV). It sickens me to think that for a quick thrill someone would consider not telling the person they want to have sex with about the STD they know they carry. The good news is that even infected/a carrier, it isn't the end of the world, life goes on even if a bit more complicated than before. Hey I'm a divorcee with children.. that's certainly complicated... no one is perfect, we all just do our best.
So yeah... Get off that high horse, because for all you know you are the carrier, too. You just don't know it.
OP is a virgin. Chances of him having it are next to nil.
I don't consider it a high horse to want to preserve one's herpes-free status. Life throws so many curve balls as it is. I'm not going to ask for another hassle by deliberately and knowingly exposing myself to a disease that has no cure and is a giant PITA, in plain English.
Those two statements don't make sense together, at least to me. I hope you disclose being positive before doing anything sexual with new partners... it was non-disclosure that led to my Ex and a good friend getting STD's (one of which is HSV, the other one is a cancer causing version of HPV). It sickens me to think that for a quick thrill someone would consider not telling the person they want to have sex with about the STD they know they carry. The good news is that even infected/a carrier, it isn't the end of the world, life goes on even if a bit more complicated than before. Hey I'm a divorcee with children.. that's certainly complicated... no one is perfect, we all just do our best.
I think that poster was saying that he/she would in fact disclose it immediately and offer the person the chance to make an informed decision. The sentence was confusing because of the double negative and lack of comma.
A lot of people don't understand the intricacies of their native language. The double negative creates a nuance of meaning that would not be present had I just made an affirmative statement:
I would always disclose my status
Vs
I would never not disclose my status.
But I digress...
On the subj - whether the OP is virgin is irrelevant. Because sexual intercourse is just *one* of the ways HSV is transmitted. Unless a person never kissed, caressed and had skin contact with another person, they could have contracted the virus. But that doesn't stop them from pontificating how they want to preserve their "clean" status.
Statistically, out of 30 people who commented here, at least 5 have HSV.
OP, don't let this diagnosis determine whether to pursue that relationship. Appreciate the fact that you are dealing with a person with a great deal of integrity, who took a chance to disclose her diagnosis and make herself vulnerable to judgement. It's a rare find nowadays.
Female to male transmission rate is 4% without using a condom, 2% without a condom, if you have sex twice a week for a year.
HSV is not a death sentence, just a mere inconvenience IF she has outbreaks.
Oh, I used to be just as ignorant and smug about this issue as you are, OP. "I'd never date anyone who has herpes" I thought. It's only promiscuous people who get it, I thought.
Until I read an article about herpes and it said 1 in 5 adults have it and don't know it, the virus sits dormant and sometimes there is not a single outbreak. And, it gets better! The standard STD panel doesn't check for HSV.
So I went to my dr and asked for a special test for HSV. And it came back positive. I am the carrier.
Ha... Kinda changes one's perspective rather quickly. I will never know who gave it to me, and whether they knew they had it and chose not to tell me; and now I am facing the dilemma whether to disclose it to my potential partner.
Not really a dilemma, as I'd never NOT disclose and give them a chance to make an informed decision. So far it hasn't hurt my dating prospects one bit. I find that people react well to my news, thank me for my integrity and honesty, and ask when they can see me again...
...Until I read an article about herpes and it said 1 in 5 adults have it and don't know it, the virus sits dormant and sometimes there is not a single outbreak. And, it gets better! The standard STD panel doesn't check for HSV...
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