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My guess is that these dudes are really using that excuse to cover up the
fact that they have poor conversational skills. Some guys cannot keep a conversation
going with a woman if their lives depended on it.
Makes no sense to me. Why would any man shy away from a date that costs him less than $5.
To me, coffee doesn't seem very "date-like" but perhaps because I grew up when dates were usually a full-on dinner.
So meeting for drinks (which I would limit to only a couple, kinda early in the evening, etc, etc.) is a cheaper way to have a date in a date-like atmosphere (evening, "adult", more intimate than a coffeeshop) but avoids the expense of dinner that men these days seem to dread.
Meeting for coffee or drinks certainly gives the idea that the initiator is not willing to invest much time in getting to know you. I understand the money part, and a lot of time these first dates seem to be dutch anyway, time is the only investment. Drinks transition to dinner more easily if things are going well - coffee transitions to.....?!
Personally, I'd prefer a coffee date. I can get to know someone without wasting too much money.
Or investing a lot of time, which can send a mixed message making someone think that you are more interested than you are.
We see that here all the time. "Well, we talked on the phone four times, met up for drinks, and it seemed to go well. I suggested we get dinner, walked her home/he walked me home, we talked a long time, I thought it was great, and he/she said we should do it again sometime, but then I never heard from him/her..."
It's harder to get your feelings hurt/ego bruised when a cup of coffee doesn't lead to anything, and if there's a spark, you always have the option of continuing the date onward from there.
I think what he's getting at (correct me if I'm wrong, Teckeeee) is that a coffee date comes with lower expectations than a dinner date, as far as what direction the potential relationship might take. A casual atmosphere lends to a more casual, low-pressure conversation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
What do you think a first-time meeting should involve, information-wise, with somebody about whom you know very little, and wish to assess whether or not you should continue to see him/her? How do you get to know one another better without a lot of conversation time, which typically involves a good number of questions?
I think some guys will suggest a more fancy restaurant because they think it's what a woman wants, and the atmosphere will be enough to impress her. Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
Quote:
Originally Posted by usamathman
Guys hating coffee dates?? Completely new to me.
My guess is that these dudes are really using that excuse to cover up the
fact that they have poor conversational skills. Some guys cannot keep a conversation
going with a woman if their lives depended on it.
Makes no sense to me. Why would any man shy away from a date that costs him less than $5.
Coffee dates make sense, but they do seem impersonal, almost like a job interview.
If I was in the dating market, I think happy hours would be better, have a glass or two of wine, get some cheapo apps to eat and it seems like less of an investment as a full on date, and more personal than a coffee date... IDK... probably isn't much difference, but to me it just feels a little different.
I work in the field and don't go to the office much so sometimes I'll pop into a Starbucks just for the Wi-Fi access and I've overheard a few "first dates" there and they seemed awkward as azz a few times..... literally sounded like job interviews were happening, I'm sure it's not always like that, but found it odd that I've personally overhead what clearly had to be first meets and seemed a little weird, at least the best that I was able to eavesdrop....
I don't get why coffee date are hated.
I had two guys whine when I suggest it.
Just figure those were the wrong guys for you. The main thing about the coffee (or tea, whatever) date should be the conversation. You either hit it off and have a great time, even if the coffee machine is broken and the last piece of pastry was grabbed by the person in line in front of you, or you don't hit it off, and no amount of anyone's favorite pie or coffee-mocha combo (or liquor, for that matter) will fix that. Some people just need to make life difficult for themselves and everyone else. Don't let those people happen to you.
Coffee dates make sense, but they do seem impersonal, almost like a job interview.
Only if one of the participants makes it that way. It's up to the individuals involved whether it's like a job interview of the best hour (or three) they ever spent in their lives up to then.
Some people don't like coffee dates...perhaps they feel the venue is too impersonal, or too quiet, or that it's a sign that the person who suggested the date is too risk averse - i.e. plays it too safe. Others don't mind coffee dates.
And some folks dislike lunch dates, while others are fine with them.
Likewise for zoo or museum dates...maybe they have ethical issues with zoos, or just find museums boring.
And for drink dates at the bar.
And for dinner dates.
And for walk in the park dates.
And picnic dates.
Etc...
I don't see the big deal. People have different tastes. And plus there are some people who aren't picky about the type of date in the first place.
A guy who pays attention & can read people well is usually able to get a decent idea of what kind of date the woman may like before asking her out. This isn't complicated stuff.
That said...if the person is really interested in you, then the venue you select may not be all that important (but it still matters). She just wants to see you.
In my area a unlimited cup of coffee at a local diner will run you .89 cents to $1.30. It's not the place you would want to take a first date and maybe not even a woman. These types of places have "regulars" and people who hang out/around on a daily/weekly basis. They would be eyeballing her up and down from the moment you walked in because she isn't one of the regulars....set aside you would be forever labeled "cheap".....
I can get her a steak or nice dinner for well under $20 bucks with one or two alcoholic drinks somewhere else. I wouldn't even go on a date if they weren't worth -$20 to me.
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