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shyness, lack of effort, little to no self-confidence, unattractive looks. I'm sure there's other things, but I think that's enough self-deprecation for one night.
Knock it off, you are cute, smart, and extremely nice.
I've recently come to realize that throughout my life "love," regardless of relationship (parents, friends, partner, etc) has been punctuated with abuse, neglect, manipulation and rejection and I've always had to fight to prove I'm worthy of being loved. Now I'm closed off because I see love as a negative thing and why would I want to invite that into my life?
Plus, I'm not photogenic/considered physically attractive by men (yet women seem to find me attractive - maybe I should switch teams...) so I don't get profile views/messages on OLD sites and in my day-to-day life, despite and extremely active social life I rarely meet anyone who is age appropriate.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74
I've recently come to realize that throughout my life "love," regardless of relationship (parents, friends, partner, etc) has been punctuated with abuse, neglect, manipulation and rejection and I've always had to fight to prove I'm worthy of being loved. Now I'm closed off because I see love as a negative thing and why would I want to invite that into my life?
I've recently come to realize that throughout my life "love," regardless of relationship (parents, friends, partner, etc) has been punctuated with abuse, neglect, manipulation and rejection and I've always had to fight to prove I'm worthy of being loved. Now I'm closed off because I see love as a negative thing and why would I want to invite that into my life?
Plus, I'm not photogenic/considered physically attractive by men (yet women seem to find me attractive - maybe I should switch teams...) so I don't get profile views/messages on OLD sites and in my day-to-day life, despite and extremely active social life I rarely meet anyone who is age appropriate.
This for me. I never get told I am attractive by anyone that I like. But other women - family, friends, or otherwise, and men in my family always talk about how pretty / beautiful I am, and what a nice figure I have. But I never take it to heart, because it's family and other women lol.
There is a saying that if you're a woman, and other women compliment you a lot, it's a chance you're not that attractive. Otherwise, a good few women wouldn't wanna be bothered with you, but many men would. I start to wonder if there may be truth to that. lol
These days, I never pay much attention to compliments, or flattery, from other women. If I receive a compliment from a woman, I usually just give a fake smile, and a thank you, and try to go about whatever it was I was doing.
This for me. I never get told I am attractive by anyone that I like. But other women - family, friends, or otherwise, and men in my family always talk about how pretty / beautiful I am, and what a nice figure I have. But I never take it to heart, because it's family and other women lol.
There is a saying that if you're a woman, and other women compliment you a lot, it's a chance you're not that attractive. Otherwise, a good few women wouldn't wanna be bothered with you, but many men would. I start to wonder if there may be truth to that. lol
These days, I never pay much attention to compliments, or flattery, from other women. If I receive a compliment from a woman, I usually just give a fake smile, and a thank you, and try to go about whatever it was I was doing.
lol...I received a lot of compliments from women recently about my hair, but it could just be one of those situations where people feel like they have to say something since they notice that your hair is different. But since I really like my hair, I assumed they were being genuine. I just think it's easier for women to compliment other women because they don't have to worry about you getting the wrong idea.
There is a saying that if you're a woman, and other women compliment you a lot, it's a chance you're not that attractive. Otherwise, a good few women wouldn't wanna be bothered with you, but many men would. I start to wonder if there may be truth to that. lol
I've wondered this - if they're just being nice. But I do get hit on by women much more often than I do men (which is never), and I've had men walk by me, sneer and start barking both in my teens and as an adult.
lol...I received a lot of compliments from women recently about my hair, but it could just be one of those situations where people feel like they have to say something since they notice that your hair is different. But since I really like my hair, I assumed they were being genuine. I just think it's easier for women to compliment other women because they don't have to worry about you getting the wrong idea.
I tend to get complimented on my hair as well. I once got a lot of compliments on my hair at a salon I went to. With some saying it was the perfect kind of blonde, and the kind of hair some people pay for. etc. I was getting a trim, and a bit of color done. But I had my earbuds in, and was listening to music. My mother was more excited / flattered by the attention than I was. She tapped me to say I was getting tons of compliments that I didn't even hear. But I told her I didn't really care about hearing compliments from women. She sighed, and seemed disappointed, as she feels I should love the attention. But oh well. I don't. lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74
I've wondered this - if they're just being nice. But I do get hit on by women much more often than I do men (which is never), and I've had men walk by me, sneer and start barking both in my teens and as an adult.
Yeah. I assume women are just trying to be nice, or make conversation. I was once getting a professional make-up job done. The lady there was talking about how pretty my skin was, along with a co-worker. She mentions at one point that since I am so beautiful, I don't need much make-up anyhow. Probably being nice. Not something I paid any attention to.
When, I was in school, I was similar to you. I was picked on by more boys than girls in middle, and high, school. I guess that cements my bad appearance. But I am trying to work on it. Different clothes, and more make-up, since I am sometimes mistaken as still being a teenager, which is also self-esteem lowering. lol My mother says I should enjoy looking so young. But that's bad. It's one thing if you're an older adult, and mistaken for a younger adult - such as 30, looking 21, or 40, and looking 30. But when you're already young, and the only alternative is a child, that's bad.
But when you're already young, and the only alternative is a child, that's bad.
Yeah, that's pretty bad. I have found men do tend to think I'm younger than I am. When I was in my teens, my darling step-mother convinced me that the only way to "cure" acne was to pick at it - after all, she'd had bad acne just like me and look how flawless her skin is, which it was.
I've always felt the scars are a large part of why men don't find me attractive. Some days I look in the mirror and that's all I see. I'm finally doing research into getting them lightened or removed - I've always been afraid to in the past out of fear something would go wrong and they'd get worse. Of course, removing the physical scars won't remove the psychological scars of having such a "loving parent."
Unrelated to looks, it's also hard not to be single when you keep having guys say they want to meet up and when you respond with when you are free to do so, you never hear from them again! (Or they email you a couple of hours after you set up the date to tell you they decided to go camping instead). Or they just plain stand you up. That's my current trend.
No time, energy, or desire to date. Probably just a matter of my priorities. We devote our time and effort to things that are important to us. I only have so much gas in the tank emotionally and mentally, and it all goes into work, pet, friends, intellectual pursuits, creative hobbies, etc. By the end of the day, I really don't have anything to give anyone, and don't have the energy to meet anyone else's needs either emotionally or physically. If I wanted a relationship, something else would slip to be the bottom priority. Right now, dating comes dead last.
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