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I also think that there is some issue with a couple of generations of Americans being raised with less connection to community and extended family, and more individualism...everyone is a special snowflake chasing their happily ever after, whatever they think that means. It's very hard to be satisfied with what one has. We are told that if we aren't "happy" then we must exit stage left and find something better. Or maybe go to a therapist and get some good pills for that. Bring in these online dating or hookup sites, and you've got people suddenly trying to get their perfect mate, or collecting bedpartners, what have you. It gets pretty superficial sometimes. And every experience, every failure to secure the elusive "happily ever after" makes us throw down with additional criteria we do or don't want.
But all of my present poly partners (4 people) came from OKC. Between this and that, I do get my needs met, no one of them has just the right confluence of factors to equal a perfect match for me, but between the lot of 'em they've got things fairly well covered.
The transcendiary Timberpimp lol! He is well spoken and into interesting things. He does get attention, at least in a venue where his written word is in the spotlight. But I think (last I heard) he was still looking for something that was just right.
I've messed around in my day as well. I'm currently seeing someone, where there's certain aspects I'd like the Richter scale increased on, but it's something that I can truly live without. For the most part, I really wanted an emotional connection, and I was equally willing to let go of certain other aspects to get it. I ranked what was most important to me, and right now, I have that in my grasp, and honestly I'm super stoked and happy. I've already done the sleeping around and experienced the wild bedroom romps and the fun nights after a night of drinking with a stranger. I'm actually glad that I experienced all of that and have gotten it out of my system, because I think that's where some men and women really mess up. They want their partner to be more freaky, but that's not who their partner is. Sure, they may want to try some things, but many things may not be their cup of tea.
It's all about ranking what you value out of a relationship. For me, it was by far, having a woman that I know is in to me and me not having to fight through her friends and her schedule constantly to see her. Not saying that she can't have a life of her own, but I was looking for a woman who would within reason make me a priority in her life. I had went so long without that, that I decided that's what mattered most to me and when I found it, I would cherish it.
I don't disagree that sex is important in a relationship, because it is, but coming from someone who's juggled sexual partners, I was still using multiple women to create my sexual high. Not any one woman was fully fulfilling me.
Now, my emotional needs are taking the foreseeable front seat, over my sexual needs.
Tinder's good for just about any woman and above average to very attractive men. Average men (especially if you aren't white) shouldn't waste their time on the app.
Nothing "wrong" with Tinder, but meat market type situations don't favor normal men. Women on those sites will either cluster towards men that most other women want or hold out, displeased with the dearth of options.
I've never used Tinder, but my opinion is that women in their 40s and 50s are much more likely to want something casual. They're not interested in having more kids, or maybe they never wanted any, but at that age you won't find as many women just starting out. If they're divorced, they're less likely than men to want to remarry. Older women are usually (or more often) done taking care of other people and just want to enjoy themselves for a change.
Agreed.
I think most younger men WISH that older women would be more open minded about casual sex. It seems like the MILF/GILF contingent is hard set on dating older men that are chasing 20-something girls around.
Older women are a lot like younger women. They tend to narrow their options preemptively and leave out many potential suitors that would gladly fulfill their needs.
Never used Tinder, but from OLD meets and traditional sources where I live, the 40-50's women want long-term and the 20-30's are the women who want hookups. Funny part is, the women in their 40-50's will tell a guy that THEY think women their age want hookups moreso thatn 20-30's women, but when it comes right down to it, I find it not true.
Tinder's good for just about any woman and above average to very attractive men. Average men (especially if you aren't white)shouldn't waste their time on the app.
Nothing "wrong" with Tinder, but meat market type situations don't favor normal men. Women on those sites will either cluster towards men that most other women want or hold out, displeased with the dearth of options.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bearsdad
Never used Tinder, but from OLD meets and traditional sources where I live, the 40-50's women want long-term and the 20-30's are the women who want hookups. Funny part is, the women in their 40-50's will tell a guy that THEY think women their age want hookups moreso thatn 20-30's women, but when it comes right down to it, I find it not true.
I find it true. The 40+ women I know by and large don't want anything serious. Just casual dating. It's frustrating. It's made me look more toward 35-40 yo women, honestly. Of course, those are the ones that tend to message me too.
Never used Tinder, but from OLD meets and traditional sources where I live, the 40-50's women want long-term and the 20-30's are the women who want hookups. Funny part is, the women in their 40-50's will tell a guy that THEY think women their age want hookups moreso thatn 20-30's women, but when it comes right down to it, I find it not true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
I find it true. The 40+ women I know by and large don't want anything serious. Just casual dating. It's frustrating. It's made me look more toward 35-40 yo women, honestly. Of course, those are the ones that tend to message me too.
I have to point out that you two are talking about slightly different things.
Wanting a hookup (Bears Dad) and wanting something casual (Timberline) aren't the same. It looks like combined what you are finding is that the 40+ women want a regular partner (not a hookup) but at the same time don't want that regular partner to be a full fledged boyfriend. What you are both saying aren't at odds with each other.
Anyway, I clicked on here because I read an article on Yahoo this morning that said there are twice as many men on dating apps like Tinder than women. I thought that was interesting and might explain why some guys struggle with it, it's a sausage fest. I can't find the article now, but here is a similar one: Men outnumber women on dating apps, says very obvious study
Never used Tinder, but from OLD meets and traditional sources where I live, the 40-50's women want long-term and the 20-30's are the women who want hookups.
I find this to be true among the single women in my social and acquaintance circle. Most of us have been single for long enough now that we'd like to meet someone with long-term potential. When it comes to the (insert activities here), we've been there, done that and now would like to go there, do that with a partner for a change instead of always doing everything solo or with girlfriends. And since we've all been in relationships before, we fully understand what we are missing out on with not having a partner.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMBGBlueCanary
I have to point out that you two are talking about slightly different things.
Wanting a hookup (Bears Dad) and wanting something casual (Timberline) aren't the same. It looks like combined what you are finding is that the 40+ women want a regular partner (not a hookup) but at the same time don't want that regular partner to be a full fledged boyfriend. What you are both saying aren't at odds with each other.
Anyway, I clicked on here because I read an article on Yahoo this morning that said there are twice as many men on dating apps like Tinder than women. I thought that was interesting and might explain why some guys struggle with it, it's a sausage fest. I can't find the article now, but here is a similar one: Men outnumber women on dating apps, says very obvious study
Oh lots of them just want hook ups too... if you consider FWBs a repeated hook up situation.
But I see what you're saying. Lots of women love their ONS too, at least the ones I know do.
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