I need help. I'm tired of my husband making me work! (women, 2015)

[robotmike]

She's already failed one of the most important rules for being a good wife : Stand by your man.

There's even a song about it.

[Bearsdad]

Originally Posted by Sparkledove

I have been married since March 2015 and my husband has a food truck. It's pretty much been his dream to have one and he spent 4 years working in food places and learning how to do it so he could get his own truck. This was his first year having the truck and its been cool because we put it on twitter and fb, Instagram and over the summer his truck got some attention online and its been successful.

The problem is that he makes me help him and I'm really miserable. I graduated high school last year and I barely see my friends anymore, I just catch up with them online and fb. We start preparing everything EARLY and even after there are no more people and customers we still have to wipe everything down and clean and then there is the ordering the stuff he needs to cook... It's never stop!

Another thing is that at first he was just doing ice cream and when that was over he said it was just seasonal.. Well that was the summer since that's when iuce cream is popular but now he has moved on to actual food and I hate it because I feel like we are in the truck more than we are at home.

I try to stay home but he makes me go because he needs the extra help since the lines can get long. Every time I tell him to hire someone new he gets really annoyed and that starts a fight. But these past few months have not been then happiest I have been soooo depressed and I feel so shut in I just want to take a day off or for us to spend time together not on the truck. We didn't even do a honeymoon because at that time the truck was getting painted and he wanted to stick around and see it getting done in person.

Plus working on it all day just makes me tired. I try to talk to him about it but he gets mad when I do. I just need advice on what to say plus how to work on our relationship. Thanks

He makes you help and you are really miserable....
I barely see my friends anymore.....

Are you kidding me? Welcome to marriage and adulthood. You had to know a food truck was his dream and I can't think he didn't discuss your helping him when he decided to do this. You should consider yourself lucky he is a hard worker, and wants you by his side. You say you just graduated High School last year, so it isn't like you are wasting a four year college degree by helping your husband on a food truck.

I feel bad for your husband.

[Ginge McFantaPants]

OP: What else do you plan to do with your time? Get a job? Go to school? I wouldn't want to work with my husband all day either, but this is a brand new business, so it will probably be quite some time before he can afford to hire help. You might just have to suck it up and deal with it for the time being... and quite frankly, getting a fledgling business off the ground to support your household takes precedence over hanging out with friends; that's just part of being a grown-up with responsibilities.

[Vision67]

Advice for her:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zc4e-HdlhPY

[oceangaia]

Originally Posted by monumentus

That would be up to them but I would see no benefit of it. For example in couples where one partner works and one stays at home - do they do this? Why is it suddenly magically different from any other job merely because he himself owns the business? It - like any job - is his chosen career path and one of the possible streams of money into the household.

If the couple agrees that one partner works and one stays at home, no problem. The couple in question clearly doesn't agree with that. This is a marriage, a partnership, where their finances will be treated as one in the eyes of the law, barring certain circumstances and agreements. Looking at it from HIS side for a moment, why should he bust his butt 12 hours a day while his young child/wife sleeps in and hangs out with friends, then have to share the income/profits if they divorce when he isn't agreeable to this division of labor?

[The Dissenter]

OP welcome to adulthood and more importantly welcome to self-employment. Yeah working sucks but adults have to do it at least 5x in any week to pay the bills. If you hate the truck so much get out and find other work.

[Pitt Chick]

Originally Posted by The Dissenter

OP welcome to adulthood and more importantly welcome to self-employment. Yeah working sucks but adults have to do it at least 5x in any week to pay the bills. If you hate the truck so much get out and find other work.

The OP should do just that... find full time work elsewhere.

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by Anoninternetguy

Does OP want to get a different job or just chill at home?

That would be useful information which the OP left out. She mentioned the problems with where she is NOW - without telling any of us where she WANTS to be. So it would be helpful if she came back and laid more information out for us because - as you can see above - in the absence of this information people feel compelled to simply invent it themselves.

Originally Posted by robotmike

She's already failed one of the most important rules for being a good wife : Stand by your man.

I have asked a few people on the thread so far and not one has answered yet. How is working hard to help your partner establish and make successful a business - NOT standing by them? I genuinely am starting to feel like everyone has read a completely different OP post to me - or at least they have read the thread title and little else.

Plus there are NUMEROUS ways to stand by your partner in life. Directly working for them while putting your entire own life on hold is one of them - but not the only one - and not one anyone is obligated to take.

Originally Posted by Bearsdad

Welcome to marriage and adulthood.

Speak for yourself. Nothing I have experienced about marriage or adulthood in life suggests to me making your partner do things they do not want - or making them miserable - or refusing to even communicate with them about it - is standard or expected.

Originally Posted by Bearsdad

I can't think he didn't discuss your helping him when he decided to do this.

Hard to say. We have no information on this. We DO however have information that he is unwilling to discuss it with her at all now. So that is not a good sign for how well it was communicated in the past - and certainly not a good sign for how they will communicate in the future. Something is broken there - and needs fixing.

Originally Posted by Bearsdad

You should consider yourself lucky he is a hard worker, and wants you by his side.

Yes! She should!!!! Absolutely agree with you here!

But - so should he. She worked hard to help him establish his business and bring it to a level she described as "successful".

See no reason the feeling lucky - or the congratulations and gratitude - should be one directional in the OPs story. Do you? If so let me know - because I am missing it.

Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete

OP: What else do you plan to do with your time? Get a job? Go to school?

I do hope the OP comes back and lets us know that because people are basically making it up for her as they go along. Her answer to this question from you might 100% reverse everything I have said on this thread so far for example. I have no idea. So I would genuinely like to know before advising her any further on the matter.

All I can advise her so far based on what we have read is that she has done well to support him in setting up his business - which is very mature and supportive of her - yet they appear to have communication issues at this time and that needs work.

Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete

it will probably be quite some time before he can afford to hire help.

Also hard to say without more information. All she has told us so far is that the business has been very successful. That SOUNDS like he should be capable of hiring - but we are all engaged in guess work only here.

Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete

getting a fledgling business off the ground to support your household takes precedence over hanging out with friends; that's just part of being a grown-up with responsibilities.

I agree - it absolutely takes precedence. But not complete dominance. The OP makes it sound like pretty much everything in her life is on hold for this business. And that is not viable in the long term for emotional well being. Many of us have the privilege of having whole weekends - each and EVERY week - to spend with friends - our partner - or both. This OP is saying she would l ike just ONE DAY to spend with her own husband who she did not even celebrate her wedding with due to the business.

That is hardly an egregious request is it? Yet somehow the ire and hackles it has raised in the posters on this thread are entirely disproportionate to the request.

Originally Posted by oceangaia

If the couple agrees that one partner works and one stays at home, no problem. The couple in question clearly doesn't agree with that.

We do not know that either. So there is no "clearly" about it. All we know is she has supported him and worked hard for him - and he won't allow any conversation on it now at all. I agree with you entirely - you are right as right can be - if they agree on it then thats great! But how can they agree on anything if he gets angry at her merely _bringing up the subject_??? That does not sound at all like "The couple in question clearly doesn't agree with that.". How can you get "agreement" without any communication????

Originally Posted by oceangaia

why should he bust his butt 12 hours a day while his young child/wife sleeps in and hangs out with friends

Has the OP suggested that is her plan???? I did not see it, maybe quote it for me. As far as I can see ALL she has told us is that THIS job is not working for her - her life - or her relationship with him. What she ACTUALLY Wants to do with the 12 hours or whatever a day - people like yourself are merely narrating to yourself.

Originally Posted by The Dissenter

If you hate the truck so much get out and find other work.

EXACTLY

But - how can she do this if her husband will not even entertain communication on the subject? How can she get there from here - without him at least communicating on the issue? That sounds like the advice the OP wants and needs.

[reds37win]

Originally Posted by monumentus

But - how can she do this if her husband will not even entertain communication on the subject? How can she get there from here - without him at least communicating on the issue? That sounds like the advice the OP wants and needs.

How do we know it is the husband who doesn't communicate well? We are only getting the one perspective.

They are a young couple who sound like their primary problem IS communication. If they can work through that, the problem they are facing now is small potatoes.

I've always been told, don't present a problem unless you can propose a solution. Otherwise you are just complaining. She needs to approach him with an idea or a plan.

If I was kicking my..tail...everyday to make a family business successful, the last thing I would want to hear is about how my SO is unhappy because she can't see and hang out with friends. Does she consider the fact that HE can't see and hang out with his friends, either?

[oceangaia]

Originally Posted by oceangaia
If the couple agrees that one partner works and one stays at home, no problem. The couple in question clearly doesn't agree with that.

Originally Posted by monumentus

We do not know that either. So there is no "clearly" about it. All we know is she has supported him and worked hard for him - and he won't allow any conversation on it now at all. I agree with you entirely - you are right as right can be - if they agree on it then thats great! But how can they agree on anything if he gets angry at her merely _bringing up the subject_??? That does not sound at all like "The couple in question clearly doesn't agree with that.". How can you get "agreement" without any communication????

Yes, we do know that. And it is clearly. Are they in agreement that she stays home? No. The mere fact that he won't discuss it means he doesn't agree to it. If he did, the OP would have been at home or hanging with friends not here starting a thread on it. As it stands, they DO NOT AGREE that he works and she stays home. It requires communication to reach an agreement so absence of communication equates to absence of agreement.

Not to mention that she explicitly said at least twice that he makes her go help him.